


(Un)Leashed

by TheSongSmith



Category: Supernatural
Genre: BDSM, Cas is a virgin (but not for long if Dean has anything to say about that), Dean is a Tease, Dean is really a romantic at heart, Everyone thinks Dean is a prostitute but he's not, Gabriel doesn't even know what he's done, Human AU, I feel like I'm going to put a lot of bubble baths in this one and I'm not sorry, M/M, Profound Bondage, Sexy Times, They're so beautiful, dom!Dean, mild involvement with other people but only a little bit I promise, sub!cas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-03
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-02-19 17:17:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 74,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2396399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSongSmith/pseuds/TheSongSmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe Gabriel was right. Maybe it is time to take a leap of faith. NSFW, Dom!Dean, Sub!Cas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Profound Bond(age)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Lovelies! I was reading a bunch of D/s fics and decided I needed to write one of my own. Hope you enjoy!

Cas sighs, loosening his tie as he climbs the up the final flight of stairs to his apartment. It was a terrible day, and every part of him aches to collapse into bed and not move for as long as possible. He opens the door, mood lifting a little as he enters the warm apartment, hanging up his coat and dropping his briefcase heavily to the floor before heading to the kitchen. Halfway there, he pauses, unbelieving of what he sees. Turning, his throat closes around an aborted scream. Sitting casually on the leather couch is a man. Well dressed in a dark suit, tall and broad-shouldered, with the sharpest eyes Castiel has ever seen, a deep green that darkens with the predatory smile gracing the man’s lips. Cas’ mind spins, trying to figure out how he ended up here. The door should have been locked. The only other person with a key is…Gabriel. A sudden horrible thought occurs to him; a memory of last week’s Sunday dinner, when Gabriel was prodding him about his sex life. He’d joked that if his current condition went on much longer, he was going to have to hire somebody for him. At least, Cas had thought he was joking. Now, staring at the man in his living room, he’s not so sure. He swallows, trying to figure out what to do, and the man watches him curiously, his head tilted to the side.

“You’re late,” he says. The voice startles Cas out of his thoughts, low and rough, but oddly soothing. No, wait. He’s not supposed to think that about the stranger in his apartment. Even if the slight growl in it makes him shiver. Cas opens his mouth to say something, anything, but nothing comes out. He closes it and tries again. Still nothing. Suddenly he realizes that the man has crossed the room to stand in front of him, still piercing him with his eyes, and he belatedly tries to step back, only to be stopped by the hand around his wrist. It’s not really tight enough stopping him from pulling away, but his body freezes up anyway at the silent order.

“I-I think there’s been a mistake,” he manages finally, his voice cracking.

The man doesn’t falter, but his smile softens a little around the edges. “You’re Castiel Novak, aren’t you?” A little shiver runs through Cas at the sound of his name coming out of this man’s mouth, and he’s not sure it’s ever sounded so beautiful. It’s all he can do to nod dumbly in answer. “Then there’s no mistake. You can call me Dean.” He moves slowly around Cas’ frozen body, his fingers trailing lightly up from his wrist to wrap around the smaller man’s throat. Castiel flinches, expecting the hand to tighten, but it doesn’t, just rests there, almost reassuring in its gentleness, and Cas feels his pounding heart slow down as if he’s not in a precarious position. He can feel Dean’s heat behind him, so close, yet not touching anywhere but the hand at his throat. Suddenly he can’t decide if Dean is really there at all, or if his fantasies have gotten so out of control that he’s completely lost his mind. He’s never told anyone about his secret interests; kept it tucked away safely for the lonely nights when he could lie in bed with his laptop and imagine giving his carefully manufactured control to someone, someone like Dean, and suddenly he wants to lose himself in it, fantasy or not; wants it so much that he doesn’t even realize that Dean’s started to talk again.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he’s murmuring, so close to Cas’ ear that his hot breath makes him shiver. “Not in any way you don’t like.” Cas can hear the smirk in his voice. “I know you want this,” he continues, his thumb stroking absently against the pulse in Cas’ neck, which suddenly picks up again. “And I also know you’re uncomfortable accepting that.” Slowly, he shifts around until he’s back in Castiel’s view. “You need help letting go. That’s what I’m here for. You can pull away if you want, and never see me again, and I won’t stop you. Or you can take a deep breath, relax, and let me help. You can trust me. It’s up to you.”

Cas looks up into Dean’s face, expecting firm lines and cold eyes, but is surprised by the amount of patience and compassion he finds instead. His expression is soft, like he’s encouraging Cas to give in to what he wants, and for some reason it puts him at ease, despite every warning he tries to give himself. His mind is already made up, even though this is crazy, and Dean is a stranger, and he’s putting his life into a stranger’s hands. But he takes a deep breath, forcing himself to relax as he lets it out, and gives a short nod. Dean smiles brightly, genuinely pleased. He leans closer until his breath brushes past Castiel’s ear again. “Good boy,” he murmurs, and Cas tries to determine if the whimper he heard at the praise had really come from his own throat. Dean grins, confirming his suspicions, and he blushes. “Don’t worry,” Dean chuckles. “I liked it. Now, you must be hungry. So strip and then join me.”

A jolt of surprise runs through him, and he opens his mouth to protest, to backpedal, to do something, but Dean’s finger against his lips silences him. “No talking.” Cas stays frozen in place, a little worry line forming between his eyebrows, and Dean’s expression softens. “Alright, listen. Your word is Impala. You decide it’s too much, all you have to do is say it, and everything stops. I promise.” Realizing that Dean is giving him a way out, Cas relaxes again, clutching the word to his chest like a security blanket and nodding again. Dean smiles, his thumb running lightly along Cas’ jaw, a reward, before he turns away to sit down on the couch, pulling off his jacket, rolling up his sleeves, and beginning to flip channels as if watching Cas strip is of no interest to him. Cas hesitates, but takes a breath, deciding that if he’s going to do this he has to do it all the way. His fingers find the top button of his dress shirt, fumbling over a few before he slides it off, laying it over the back of the chair. He watches Dean carefully, but the other man doesn’t turn around, seemingly at ease in the living room. Cas quickly rids himself of the rest of his clothes, telling himself that he’s crazy, before slowly walking to stand by the arm of the couch.

Dean glances over, his eyes raking over Cas’ suddenly trembling body once before he smiles. “Come join me.” Cautiously, Cas moves to settle on the couch, but Dean makes a disapproving sound and points to the floor beside his feet, where one of the larger throw pillows has been set. Cas hesitates for a moment to reign in his sudden arousal at finally doing this after imagining it so many times, then slowly sinks to his knees on the pillow. He can hear Dean’s smile in the murmured “Good boy,” he receives, and it helps him relax, settling back on his heels and watching as Dean picks up a tray of food from the coffee table, starting to eat it slowly and paying Castiel no mind. Cas panics for a moment, and it takes him a minute to realize that he’s less terrified of actually doing this than he is at how comfortable and easy it was to submit to a virtual stranger. But the absent-minded hand through his hair brings him back, soothing some of the fear, and Cas finds himself leaning into Dean’s leg. “Did you eat before you came home today?” he asks the way he’d ask anybody who wasn’t kneeling at his feet.

Cas hesitates, remembering the no-talking rule, but figuring that rule is lifted when he’s being asked a question. “No…Sir,” he manages.

A brief smile lights up Dean’s face, and he’s rewarded with a lightly swipe of fingers against the back of his neck. He hears the clink of the fork on the plate before there’s a forkful of food in front of him. He regards it carefully, unsure of what to do until Dean’s gruff command of “Open.” Though initially mortified at being fed, the shame starts to fade when Cas realizes he likes it, and he willingly takes the food that’s put in front of him. After dinner Dean picks up a small bowl of fruit, spearing a grape with his fork and offering it silently to Cas, who takes it happily. Then the fork disappears, and a chunk of pineapple is in front of him, except it’s suspended between Dean’s fingers. Cas gasps softly, feeling his already half-hard cock waking up at the idea. Dean doesn’t mention it, just rests the edge of the fruit against Cas’ bottom lip and waits for him to accept it. Closing his eyes, he leans forward, taking the fruit into his mouth along with Dean’s fingers, which he suckles lightly, the pineapple mixing with the taste of him, salty and warm and very pleasant. He can’t help the soft, low moan that escapes him. Dean makes a small, surprised sound, and Cas tenses, wondering if he’s done something wrong, but the gentle stroke through his hair and Dean’s soft chuckle settle his nerves. “God Cas, you’re perfect,” he murmurs. Cas blushes under the praise, letting his cheek rest against Dean’s knee and his eyes close, obediently accepting whatever is offered to him and being sure to thoroughly clean Dean’s fingers after each piece.

“Come on up here,” Dean says after a while. Cas stands, moving to sit on the couch, but Dean stops him, gently turning him towards the TV and guiding him back until he sits in Dean’s lap, straddling his legs and leaning back against his chest. It’s a little too vulnerable, with Dean clothed and Cas’ legs resting outside of Deans, exposed, but Dean keeps his arm wrapped firmly around Cas’ waist, holding him still, and the tension that creeps into his posture is pushed out when Dean plants soft kisses along the side of his neck. “You’re so good Cas,” he murmurs against his skin. “And so incredible too. The way you submit to me…look how hard you are for me already, and I haven’t even touched you. Fuck, it’s beautiful.” Tipping his head back against Dean’s shoulder, Cas closes his eyes, whimpering at the praise. Suddenly there’s a light touch along his shaft, which makes his hips buck of their own accord, and Dean laughs. “Sensitive too. We’re going to have a lot of fun.” He stays quiet for a moment, and Castiel can feel his eyes as they roam across his skin. “You remember your word, Cas?” he asks finally.

“Impala, Sir,” Cas whispers.

“Good. And you trust me?” he asks, softer.

Cas has to consider it for a minute. On the one hand, Dean is a total stranger who showed up in his apartment and started ordering him around. On the other hand, he’d also been gentle and patient, making sure he ate and managing to put him at ease even in the most vulnerable positions. And maybe Gabriel is right. Maybe it is time to take a risk and go after what he wants. “Yes Sir,” he murmurs finally. “I trust you.”

Dean smiles against the back of his neck, and the feeling makes Cas’ heart flutter. “Okay. Turn around for me. I want to see you.” Cas shivers, but obeys, standing and turning to face him before settling down on his lap again, feeling slightly more exposed with his knees spread around the outsides of Dean’s upper thighs. Dean just smiles reassuringly, letting his fingers trail along his collarbone before running down his arm and wrapping lightly around his wrist. He reaches over to the chair and picks up Cas’ forgotten tie, then raises an eyebrow at him, waiting for him to nod before tying it around the wrist in his grip. He does so carefully, checking and readjusting the fabric several times before he’s happy. Cas watches the practiced fingers work, swallowing when they place his hand against Dean’s chest, moving to remove Dean’s own tie before bringing it to the opposite wrist. Cas’ fingers twitch over the heartbeat in Dean’s chest, and he closes his eyes, using the steady pulse to slow his breathing. Dean brings the other hand to rest opposite the first, and Cas takes another slow breath before opening his eyes to find Dean watching him, half a smile on his lips, as his fingers run up and down each of Cas’ forearms. “What are you thinking?” he asks.

For a moment Cas tries to answer, and then he realizes he can’t. “I’m not, Sir,” he answers quietly. “I was just…breathing. Your heart…I…” he trails off, suddenly feeling silly, but Dean smiles.

“Good. Stand up.” Cas slips from his lap, and Dean follows him up, taking the ends of the ties and leading him down the hall into his bedroom. Cas follows, pausing behind him as he surveys the footboard, then takes him by the shoulders, backing him up against it. “Down,” he commands softly, watching Cas kneel in front of it and gently stroking through his hair. He crouches down, grabbing the ends of the ties and slotting them carefully through the spaces in the footboard, tying them securely so that Cas’ arms are pulled behind him, uncomfortable but not painfully so. He runs a hand lightly along the back of Cas’ arm. “Okay?” he asks. Cas nods, giving him a small smile and watching him pull another pieces of black fabric from his pocket, which he ties firmly over Cas’ eyes. Cas’ heart speeds up at the sudden loss, but he takes a breath while Dean continues to lightly stroke his skin, waiting to gauge his reaction. Swallowing, he slowly relaxes into his position, and Dean makes a pleased sound. “Don’t move.”

The steady hands leave his skin, and Cas hears the padding of feet moving away, and then everything is quiet. He stays still, listening, but hears nothing. Instead, he tries to focus on his breaths, despite the little flares of panic that run through him with every passing minute. He isn’t quite sure how much time passes, just that he’s starting to wonder if Dean has left him here, if maybe Gabriel asked him to as part of some sick joke, and he wants to call out or pull against his bonds, but he also wants to play by the rules. He feels himself starting to hyperventilate, and clamps down hard around the fear, reminding himself to trust Dean. He put his faith in that man, allowed this to happen for a reason, and now it’s time to remember that reason. He just has to keep breathing.

He jumps at the soft touch against his shoulder, then relaxes, realizing that Dean hadn’t gone anywhere, but was standing a few feet away watching in case he panicked. “Well done, Cas. That was good.” Cas shivers at the murmured praise, pleased at the pride in Dean’s voice. “I wouldn’t leave you like that,” he continues. “Now, I’m going to go out to the living room to get something, and then I’ll come back. Be good while I’m gone and you’ll get a reward.” Cas nods, managing to stay calm this time as he listens to the sounds of Dean walking away, fumbling with something, then walking back. He leans into the light touch on his cheek. “Good boy. I’m going to move you. Are you okay keeping the blindfold on?”

Cas just nods mutely, thinking that he would have agreed to anything if it meant having Dean’s hands on him. He feels his bindings release, moaning softly when Dean’s practiced fingers press into his shoulders, easing away the ache. Dean chuckles. Satisfied with their work, the hands travel further, one wrapping around his upper arm and the other falling to his ribs. “Up,” he murmurs, carefully steading him as he rises. The hand on his arm shifts down to his hip, gently guiding him forward until he hits the bed. When Dean speaks again, it’s very close to his ear. “Lie down for me, beautiful,” he murmurs, running a hand down his spine. Cas thinks he might have whimpered again, and he obeys quickly, stretching out in what feels like the center of the bed. The bed shifts under Dean’s weight as he takes one of Cas’ wrists, moving it up over his head and securing the loose end of the tie to the nearest corner of the headboard, making sure the fabric is taut. He runs his palm down Cas’ arm and over to the other wrist, which is pulled to the other corner. He maintains light contact as he moves, letting Cas know where he is. He slips to the end of the bed, and Cas feels something looped around his ankle before it’s pulled to the side and secured. He swallows, trying to calm the anxiety that’s flared up in his chest as the other ankle is given the same treatment. He tests the bonds carefully, finding that they have very little give. Slowly, Dean’s hand runs up from his ankle over his inner thigh, just missing his cock, which, despite his nerves, is rock hard and leaking over his stomach. It continues across his abs and up the center of his chest, somehow managing to coax every muscle in to relaxing as it moves, before settling over his throat again. The touch soothes Cas’ initial panic, and suddenly his skin is on fire, aching to be touched, and his arousal heightens as he imagines how he must look, spread wide and vulnerable under Dean’s careful watch, and a soft moan escapes him.

“You do not have permission to cum. You’re going to get your reward, but not until I’m ready. Understood?” Cas manages something resembling an affirmation through the sharp need exploding through his body, but not even he can really understand it. Dean chuckles, his thumb rubbing over Cas’ pulse as he shushes him gently. “Deep breaths,” he advises, and suddenly they start happening, as if Cas’ body was just waiting for the order. Dean’s touch disappears for a moment as his weight settles between his spread legs, then reappears on the sides of his ribs, tracing them with an almost reverent care. He drops a soft kiss to Cas’ sternum, and the man under him shivers violently, his fingers wrapping around the fabric at his wrists. He continues that way, gently stroking and kissing across his skin, watching him carefully as he methodically worships the writhing man beneath him. Stuttered, broken sounds fall from Cas’ mouth, which has fallen open. Dean’s fingers shift lower, tracing lightly up and down the insides of his thighs, feeling them tremble. “So good for me, Cas,” he whispers, planting light, open-mouthed kisses between his hips. “So incredible. And I haven’t even touched any of the good parts yet.” A choked whimper is the only answer. “Let’s change that, shall we?”

He kisses his way back up, then swipes his tongue over one pink nipple. Cas’ back arches up, and he gasps, biting his lip in an effort to stay quiet. “None of that,” Dean murmurs, gently pulling his bottom lip out from between his teeth as he scrapes his own along the sharp jaw. “No hiding from me, Castiel,” he whispers, kissing behind his ear. “I want to hear you. Let go for me, beautiful.” He kisses halfway down Cas’ neck, then sinks his teeth in, biting down firmly and delighting in the loud moan and the mark he knows is going to be there. “Much better,” he teases lightly, moving back down Cas’ chest and licking over a nipple again, letting his teeth scrape over it. A sudden hiss escapes Cas’ lips, but he arches up into the sensation, gasping sharply as Dean bites down. He’s trembling so hard he thinks he might just shake himself into pieces, but muses that there are much worse ways to go than with Dean’s mouth and fingers killing him slowly. “Such a good boy, aren’t you?” he’s murmuring in between the systematic marking of Cas’ collarbone with sharp nips followed by soothing strokes of his tongue. “So fucking good, Castiel. Look at you, all spread out and presented to me. That big, gorgeous cock of yours is so nice and hard for me.” Cas whimpers loudly, feeling his arousal throb desperately at the words, so hard it’s almost painful. “It’s making quite the mess, isn’t it?” Dean teases him, swiping two of his fingers through the puddle forming on Cas’ stomach. “Why don’t you taste, Cas?” he whispers, and suddenly the fingers are at Cas’ lips, and he opens to accept them without question, moaning around them as he suckles obediently. He hears a groan escape Dean’s chest, along with a muffled Fuck, before his lips and teeth are teasing lightly along his inner thighs. He squirms desperately, wanting to cry with how close Dean’s mouth is. “Something you want?” Dean asks, voice low and husky.

He eases his fingers free, and Cas gasps for a moment before he’s able to choke out a desperate “Please!”

Dean chuckles. “Please what, baby?”

Cas growls with the effort of forming words, but manages a “P-Please…touch me!”

“You want me to touch that beautiful cock of yours?” he asks, smirking as he places a sharp bite to his right thigh. Broken, whimpered pleas tumble from his lips as he tries to squirm in his bonds. “That’s an idea. But you know what I’d really like to do?” Cas pants loudly. “What I’d really like to do,” Dean whispers, grinning, “is swallow it down.” His words send Cas into a fit of whimpering. “Think that would be okay?” He gives a jerky nod, pleading desperately. Cas nearly screams when suddenly Dean’s mouth is around him, hot and wet and so, so perfect. He tries to push up into the sensation, but Dean holds his hips steady, refusing to cede control. He sobs when Dean’s tongue teases around the head and finds its way into the slit, his knuckles white where they’re wrapped around the ties. A mix of pleas and curses and unintelligible sounds fall from his mouth, and he nearly blacks out when Dean groans around him, keeping him balanced on the very edge. One of his hands disappears, and the blindfold is pulled free. Cas blinks for a moment, and what he sees has him squeezing his eyes shut again, because Dean has undone his pants and is stroking himself in time with his mouth on Cas’ cock. Cas throws his head back, no longer caring about the loud whimpers and moans that escape him.

“P-Please Dean…please…f-fuck, I’m gonna cum….Please!” he cries.

Dean’s mouth pulls away with an obscene pop, and Cas almost sobs. “Not yet,” he murmurs, his voice cracking. “Just another minute…fuck Cas, you’re incredible…”

He chokes back a whimper as Dean’s mouth returns, trying desperately to hold on, to please Dean, but it isn’t long before he’s begging again. “Dean!”

“Open your eyes,” he orders gruffly, and Cas obeys immediately, his eyes locking onto Dean’s dark, lust-filled ones. Dean half-smirks. “Good boy. Cum for me, Castiel.” At the command, Cas’ whole body seizes up, and everything going white.

When he comes around again, his ties have been removed, and he’s cuddled against Dean’s chest, curled up in his lap while he gently runs a wet cloth over Cas’ skin. “Deep breaths baby,” he murmurs, lightly rubbing his back, his palms soothing over Cas’ still-shaking body. His voice sounds far away, but the words are gentle, and Cas is still too far gone to do anything but cling to him and listen. “You did so good Cas,” he’s saying. “Just breathe. I’ve got you. You can speak whenever you’re ready. Take your time. I’m right here.” He continues to soothe him gently, holding him securely as he slowly comes back to earth.

The first words Cas manages are “Holy shit,” which makes Dean laugh.

“I take it you enjoyed yourself then?”

Summoning his strength, Cas slowly looks up at him. “Dean, that was…it was…I can’t even…” he struggles for words, and Dean chuckles.

“I know what you mean. I’m glad. Are you feeling alright? I know it was intense. I may have gotten a little carried away, but it was so amazing to watch you.”

“Feel amazing,” Cas mumbles into his chest, letting himself fall limp and be supported by Dean’s body. “Can’t believe I really did that.”

“I’m proud of you,” Dean murmurs against his temple. “Is there anything you need me to do for you?”

Cas tenses, interpreting this as Dean trying to leave. “Stay?” he manages, almost a whimper.

“Of course I’ll stay,” Dean chuckles softly. “You’re probably going to drop hard, especially since you haven’t done this before. I won’t let you deal with it alone. I was thinking more along the lines of making you comfortable.”

“Oh.” Cas thinks for a moment. “Can we just stay like this?”

“Of course,” Dean assures him.

“Sleep?” he asks.

He feels Dean shift, and his hold tightens a little, then relaxes at the reassuring hand through his hair. “Not just yet. I need you to drink this first okay? It’ll help.” Cas is too exhausted to open his eyes long enough to see what this is, but he’s sure, after everything Dean has done so far, that it’s not going to harm him. Feeling the rim of a glass at his lips, he opens a little, grateful for the gentle hand at the back of his neck as Dean carefully tips the glass up. The sharp tang of citrus rushes over his tongue. Orange juice. He swallows when the glass lowers, sighing and nuzzling into Dean’s chest. “Think you can drink a little more for me?” he asks gently. Instead of answering he parts his lips again, and Dean repeats the process until the glass is empty. A pleasant tingle runs through him at the murmured “Good boy,” and the tightening of Dean’s secure hold.

“Sleep now?” he asks.

Dean chuckles. “Yes, you can sleep now. I’ll stay right here.”

Against his better judgment, Cas decides to believe this, and he drifts off to sleep listening to the steady heartbeat under his cheek.


	2. Logistics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are awesome :D This one is mostly just fluff. I promise the sexytimes will return next chapter!

When Cas wakes up, he’s surprised to find himself still in Dean’s lap, having almost convinced himself that he was a dream. Dean must have shifted them at some point, because now he rests against the headboard, and his dress shirt is gone, draped at the end of the bed, sleeping peacefully as his arms stay locked around him. Cas smiles, lightly reaching up to stroke his cheek, the movement causing Dean to stir, his eyes fluttering open. He smiles, turning his head to kiss the palm at his cheek. “Morning.” Cas smiles, but then memories of last night slowly leak into his consciousness, and a wave of embarrassment washes over him. How easily he’d accepted Dean’s control, the sudden vulnerability, his desperate pleas and whimpers…apparently he’s said these things out loud, because suddenly there’s a hand under his chin, pulling it up until he locks eyes with Dean. “It was beautiful,” Dean says firmly. “God, Cas, you were so incredible. You have nothing to be ashamed of, do you understand me? It’s okay to want those things and to let yourself have them.”

For some reason, Dean’s easy acceptance of what he’d done helps the shame disappear, and he nods. “You…really thought so?” Cas whispers.

Dean smiles, his hold tightening. “Fuck yes. You thought I was just saying that? I wish you could have seen yourself the way I saw you. It was amazing, Castiel. I’ve never seen anything like it. You have to believe me. You should be proud of yourself. I’m proud of you.”

Slowly, the tension in Cas’ shoulders eases, and he smiles. “Thank you.” He tries to sit up, but hisses as every muscle protests, falling back against Dean’s chest.

“You’re probably going to be a little sore,” Dean chuckles, his fingers lightly soothing over the aching muscles. “I’ll run you a bath.” Carefully, he slips out from underneath Cas, turning towards the bathroom.

“Are you going to take it with me?” Cas asks before he can stop himself.

Dean looks over his shoulder, amused. “I suppose that depends. Do you want me to?”

He nods, maybe a little overeagerly. “Please.”

“Okay then.” He disappears out the door, and Cas listens to the sounds of water running for a while before he returns. “Alright, nice and easy,” he murmurs as he carefully helps Cas out of bed.

Cas nods, sighing as he’s set down gently in the water. “Well?” he asks, a smile tugging at his lips. “Are you going to join me?”

Dean laughs, but moves to pull his t-shirt over his head, and Cas can’t even bring himself to be ashamed for watching him. “See something you like?” Dean teases lightly. He just nods, trying not to let his eyes linger too long and scooting forward in the tub to let Dean sit behind him, then settling back between his legs, thoroughly enjoying the feeling of Dean’s skin against his. He lets his fingers move lightly along Dean’s knee, leaning back heavily and letting the warmth seep into his muscles.  
Dean stays quiet for a while, letting his fingers run lightly over Cas’ skin as he presses soft kisses to the back of his neck, and Cas sighs, making a mental note to thank his brother. After a while Dean pushes him up, one arm hooking around his chest and his free hand pressing carefully into the sore muscles, gently releasing the tension. Cas moans, pliant and obedient, and lets his weight rest against Dean’s arm, his hands tightening where they rest on the tops of Dean’s thighs. “Good?” Dean murmurs.

Cas nods, groaning softly. “I hope my brother is paying you well for this.”

The touch pauses. “You think I’m a prostitute?” Dean asks. His voice is amused rather than offended, but it makes Cas blush anyway.

“I didn’t mean…well, I just…”

Dean laughs, quieting his stuttered explanations. “It’s okay, I get it. I’m not, just so you know.”

“So…Dean is your real name?” Cas asks.

“Yes. Winchester, in case you were wondering. Gabriel is friends with my brother, Sam. He said you had a problem that he thought I could help you with. I guess he was right. He let me in, by the way. I didn’t break into your apartment.”

Suddenly, Cas is laughing, and he can’t seem to stop. Dean just looks at him, puzzled, as he tries to control himself. “That’s not what he meant,” he manages in between giggles.

“What’s not what he meant?” Dean asks slowly.

Cas takes a minute to compose himself, taking a deep breath. “I mean, it was a problem, but not one he knew about. Gabriel is extremely concerned with the fact that I’ve never…done things. With anyone, before. I think that’s why he asked you here.”

Dean’s mouth drops open a little in shock, which only causes Castiel to laugh again, thought he tries to control it. “Are you telling me you’re a virgin?” he asks cautiously. Cas just nods, stuttering out broken apologies in between giggles, and suddenly Dean’s laughing too, and the whole thing is so ridiculous that neither of them can stop. “Jesus Cas, I’m so sorry!”

Cas shakes his head. “Don’t be. I’m not.”

That thought sobers him up quickly, because he realizes that he really doesn’t regret what they did, and wouldn’t mind doing it again. Until, that is, Dean mutters, “Wait, does Gabriel think I’m a prostitute?” which makes them both dissolve into giggles again. When they’ve finally managed to pull it together they get up, drying off quickly and wandering back into the bedroom. Cas stretches out, not really seeing the point of putting on clothes, and Dean lies down next to him, watching him as he thinks. “Cas, is it just me, or do you seem almost…disappointed that I’m not a prostitute?”

Cas smiles. “It’s not that. It’s just…if you were a prostitute it would be a lot easier to ask you to come back.”

“You…want me to come back?” he asks softly.

Cas blushes. “I don’t think I’ve ever been so relaxed in my entire life. I don’t want this to be the end. And I…don’t mind having you around.”

Dean chuckles softly. “Well you don’t have to pay me to get me to come back,” he murmurs. Cas tilts his head, looking at him questioningly. “Can I tell you something?”

He nods, perplexed until Dean’s hand finds his jaw and he leans over, kissing him softly. Cas melts into the touch, shifting to straddle his hips and kiss him back. When they pull apart, he grins. “Oh. I see. In that case, we should do this again sometime.”

Dean laughs. “We should.”

They both jump when Castiel’s phone rings, and he reaches over to it, sighing when Gabriel’s name is displayed. He answers with an irritated “What?”

“Cassie!” Gabriel greets cheerfully, probably hopped up on his usual oversweet morning coffee. “How’s things little brother?”

“Fine Gabriel,” he mutters, rolling his eyes at Dean, who grins. “Did you want something?”

“I was just calling to see how your night was,” he says innocently. “Anything…interesting happen?”

Dean chuckles softly, kissing his temple. Cas grins. “Nope. Nothing at all.” He hangs up, putting the phone on silent and tossing it on the bed, leaning down to kiss Dean again.

“So what are you doing tomorrow night?” Dean asks.

“Nothing, as usual. Why?”

“Because I think we should go to dinner together.”

Cas ducks his head, blushing. “That would be nice.” He looks up, biting his lip for a moment. “Will you stay a little longer today?”

Dean smiles. “I’d love to. Breakfast?”

“I’ll order in.” Cas retrieves his phone, ignoring the many missed calls from Gabriel and quickly ordering breakfast before settling back down.

“So,” Dean says, “let’s talk about this virgin business. I know it’s not because people don’t find you attractive. So what is it?”

Cas blushes and shrugs. “It’s just…hard, for me, to trust people. I’m a little…uptight, as Gabriel likes to say. I know it sounds weird, considering last night. I’ve been on dates and stuff, just…never got that far.”

To his surprise, Dean nods knowingly. “I understand. A lot of people turn to submission for that reason. They can’t let go in their everyday lives, because they’re afraid of what will happen if they do. But giving control to someone else gives them a certain level of security. They can relax because someone else is taking care of everything. Everybody needs to let go sometimes. It’s freeing, isn’t it?”

Cas nods. “It is. I’ve always wanted to do it. But I never actually got up the courage to try.”

“Well, sometimes all we need is a little push,” Dean answers. “Did you enjoy it?” Cas looks at him like he’s crazy, and he laughs. “Come on, cooperate a little. It’ll help to talk through it, I promise. So tell me how you felt.”

“Scared,” he says after a moment. “I was terrified. But not so much of you. More of myself, and how much I wanted what you were offering. I did a lot of panicking in between the good parts. Is that normal?”

Dean chuckles. “For someone who’s never done it? Absolutely. Especially a virgin. I wish I’d have known that before. It’s a good thing I decided to stop when I did. Though, I probably should have seen it coming. He told me to go easy on you, and I was imagining something completely different. Plus, when I asked your brother if you were clean, he just laughed.” Cas snorts. “Keep going,” Dean prods lightly. “After the fear.”

He considers it for a moment. “It was weirdly…nice. Comfortable. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to kneel for someone that way. It was like my whole life I’ve been missing something, and then suddenly I found it.” He groans, hiding his face against Dean’s chest. “That sounded really stupid.”

“No it didn’t,” Dean laughs. “I know what you mean. You seemed kind of tense for a while there, when I was feeding you.”

Cas nods. “I think it just…caught me off guard. You were…a lot gentler than research suggested you’d be.”

“So you did research?” he chuckles. “Well it’s not all like it is in porn. I mean for some people it is, but that’s not what you needed from me. Not right now, anyway. You just needed someone to take control and reassure you that what you were feeling was okay, and that you were safe.”

“And how did you know what I needed?” Cas smiles.

Dean grins. “It’s kind of my superpower. It was pretty clear. You wanted it, you just didn’t know how to let yourself have it. Being rough with you only would have scared you. Maybe later you’ll want that, but you were taking a leap of faith trusting me. I wanted you to know I’d keep you safe.”

Cas sighs, thinking that maybe he should thank Gabriel after all. Not that he’d known what he was doing, but still. “Well…after that was a little hard. I trusted you, I did, but there was still a little bit of doubt, especially when I couldn’t hear you.”

“I saw,” he murmurs. “Your expression went back and forth so many times. I was only a few feet away. I wanted to see how you’d react. Some people are fine at first, but after a minute they freak and want out. I would have let you out, if you’d asked.”

“I know you would have,” Cas smiles. “I think that’s why I didn’t ask. And after that…well, I think you know how I felt after that.” He pauses. “Can we really do this? I mean, what we did, and normal going out things?”

Dean chuckles. “I think we already are. We can make it work. We just have to draw a line somewhere. When we go to dinner I’ll bring something that’ll help.” Cas raises an eyebrow, but Dean just smiles, so he decides to let it rest for now.

“Hey Dean?” Cas asks. “Why ‘Impala’?”

Dean grins. “It was the car my dad gave me. He taught me how to fix it, and we rebuilt it from the ground up together.”

Cas smiles. “That sounds nice.”

Something dark clouds Dean’s face for a moment, but he shakes it off. “Yeah, it was.” The doorbell rings, and he sits up, kissing Cas softly again. “I’ll get it.”

He throws on pants, disappearing into the living room. Cas follows, absently sinking down onto the pillow beside the couch. When Dean returns, carrying the tray, he pauses, watching him for a moment. It takes Cas a minute to figure out why, and then he blushes, starting to stand up. “Sorry, forgot for a moment.”

Dean’s hand on his shoulder stops him, and when he looks up he’s surprised by the grin. “No, it’s okay. I’m glad you’re comfortable with that. But I’d like to talk to you, and I can’t really do that when you’re down there.” Cas nods, standing and watching as Dean sits down on the couch. “Come up here.” He pulls Cas into his lap, and Cas is surprised at how comfortably he fits there. He curls up happily, nearly purring when Dean’s hand massages lightly up and down his back as they eat. He waits until they’ve both finished to start. “Can we talk for a minute, Cas?” he asks quietly. He must feel Cas tense, because he smiles. “No, nothing bad, I promise,” he assures him, pausing to kiss him softly. “Just logistics.”

Cas relaxes again and nods. “Okay. What is it?”

“Are you sure you want to continue doing this?” he asks slowly.

Cas frowns. “I’m sure. I’ve wanted this for a very long time. But…if you don’t want to…”

Dean shakes his head hard. “No, no, that’s not what I’m saying. Believe me, I really want to. But if we’re going to do this, we have to set some boundaries, okay? The last thing I want to do is hurt you. So first things first, you need a new word. You’re really supposed to pick your own, but you were a little overwhelmed before. Pick something you’ll remember.”

Cas nods, thinking it over carefully. “Angel,” he says finally.

Dean nods. “Okay. Can I ask why?”

He smiles. “My mother was kind of obsessed with them. We had them everywhere in the house growing up.”

“Alright then, angel it is. Now, about those boundaries I was talking about…” he fishes around for a moment, pulling a laptop from the bag at the side of the couch. “You said you’ve done research, so I’m sure you’ve seen a lot of things that you want to try and a lot that you don’t. It’s important that I know those things. Do you know the difference between a hard limit and a soft limit?” Cas nods, watching him pull up a document with a list of activities and a space next to each one to mark whether it’s a hard limit, a soft limit, or something he wants to try. “This is the easiest way to keep track of that, so that I know what you want and what you don’t want. We can update it any time if you think of something else you want to try or you don’t like something we try. It will change over time, but for now I want to go through the list with you so I know what your thoughts are and can answer your questions. Sound good?” Cas smiles, leaning up to kiss him softly before returning to look at the list. They go through it carefully, discussing in detail any item over which Cas hesitates. It takes a while, but when they finally get to the end, he finds that his nerves at having this fantasy become concrete have settled. Dean seems to feel better too, his shoulders relaxing. “You’re sure you want to do this?” he asks again.

Cas sighs. “Why do you keep asking me that?”

He frowns. “I just…want to make sure. I don’t want you to feel like you have to agree to this to keep seeing me, because you don’t. I’m interested in you, Cas, not just having sex with you.”

“I’m well aware of that,” Cas murmurs. “Believe me, Dean, if I didn’t want to do this I wouldn’t. I really honestly want this. So please relax, okay?”

Slowly, Dean smiles, nodding. “Okay.” His hand falls to cup Cas’ cheek, pulling him in for a tender kiss.

Cas sighs, lips parting as Dean licks gently into his mouth. He moans softly at the taste of him, shifting to press up against Dean’s chest before slowly pulling away. “You’re incredible,” he murmurs, smiling at the light blush that flashes across Dean’s face. “It makes you uncomfortable to be complimented,” he observes.

Dean chuckles nervously. “What, are you a shrink?”

“I’m a teacher, actually,” Cas answers. “I teach in the English department of the local college. What about you?”

“Nothing that fancy,” he laughs. “I’m just a mechanic.”

“Well don’t act like it’s nothing!” Cas chuckles. “I couldn’t fix a car if my life depended on it.”

Dean smiles. “Maybe I’ll teach you one day.” He checks his watch, sighing. “I should get going. I told Sammy I’d meet him for lunch.” It’s almost endearing how disappointed he sounds, and Cas nods, leaning up to kiss him again.

“Sounds like fun. I should probably call Gabriel back before he comes to break down my door.”

Dean chuckles, reaching for a piece of paper and ripping it in half, scribbling down the name of a restaurant and a string of numbers before handing it to Cas. “My number. Meet me at eight tomorrow night?”

“I can’t wait,” Cas smiles, watching him gather his things.

“If you start to feel off again or you need anything or want to talk, please call me,” he instructs as he slips on his jacket. “Whatever I’m doing, I’ll pick up. I promise.”

“I’ll be fine, Dean,” Cas chuckles. “I promise I’ll call if I need anything. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Cas watches him close the door behind him before going to retrieve his phone, shaking his head at the plethora of missed calls and texts from Gabriel. “Cas!” he shouts when he picks up. “There you are! I was just about to come down there. What’s up little bro?”

“I can’t believe you actually thought that invading my personal life like that was appropriate, Gabriel,” he starts.

He can hear the frown in his brother’s voice. “Look, Cas, I’m sorry, I was just trying to look out for you. I don’t want you to be alone when-”

“You didn’t let me finish,” Cas interrupts. “What you did was highly inappropriate. Which is why I really hate the fact that I called to thank you.”

Gabriel pauses before the grin creeps back into his voice. “So…you finally punched in your V-card? You got laid last night?” he asks, far too excited.

“No!” Cas mutters. “Well…not really. And before you ask, I’m not going to discuss my sex life with you. But I do have a date tomorrow night. And I suppose, despite how much I don’t want to, I have you to thank for that.”

“You have a date with a prostitute?” Gabe asks, puzzled.

He rolls his eyes. “He’s not a prostitute, Gabriel. He’s just…a really great guy.”

“Oooh, Cas you got it bad, don’t you? I knew it would work out!”

“You did not,” Cas chuckles. “You just wanted me to have sex. It was just dumb luck that you picked him. But you did pick him, so…thank you.”

“I’m expecting a full report after your date,” Gabriel teases. Cas just hangs up, tossing his phone beside him and stretching out on the bed, wondering how he’s going to pass the time until he can see Dean again.


	3. Comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are awesome! Just over the 500 hit mark in a little over a week! Woohoo!

Dinner turns out to be far less awkward than Cas had anticipated, which makes the three hours he spent panicking seem silly. The restaurant Dean picked, a place called the Roadhouse, is warm and inviting, and seems to be exactly the kind of place Dean would belong. He’s already waiting in a booth, sipping at a drink, and when he catches Cas’ eye and grins the fluttery feeling in his stomach settles. “I’m glad you came,” Dean murmurs, leaning in to kiss him softly.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Cas asks curiously.

He shrugs. “I don’t know. You’ve had a while to think it over and change your mind.”

Cas chuckles. “I did think about it a lot. But I’m not changing my mind.”

Dean nods, relieved, his shoulders relaxing as he hands Cas a menu. “They make a good burger,” he grins. “I figured we both might be more comfortable somewhere a little less formal.”

He opens his mouth to tell him that, yes, it was definitely better, but is interrupted by a young blonde woman who looks between them curiously. “Found a new playmate, Dean?” she asks. There’s teasing tone in the words, but Dean frowns.

“I’m on a date, Jo,” he grumbles. “Do you mind?”

“Not at all,” she answers, grinning as she nudges his shoulder. “You want your usual?” He nods, and she turns to me. “What about you?”

In truth, Cas hadn’t even really glanced over the menu, but he shuts it anyway. “I’ll have what he’s having.” Jo snorts, but turns and walks back towards the kitchen.

“Before you ask,” Dean mutters, “I haven’t had a parade of romantic conquests through here or anything. She just likes to be annoying.”

Cas chuckles. “I figured as much. Still, you seem rather fond of her.”

“We kind of grew up together,” he explains. “Sammy and I spent a lot of time with her mother while our dad was working.” Cas nods, watching as Dean thinks for a minute. “Hold on,” he says finally, “You don’t even know what I ordered. How do you know it isn’t something weird, like…raw fish eyeballs or something?”

Cas laughs. “Firstly, I’d be very surprised if raw fish eyeballs were a house specialty, and secondly, I bet I can guess what it is.”

“Oh yeah?” Dean grins. “Go ahead, guess.”

He leans back, observing him for a moment. “Bacon cheeseburger.”

Dean laughs. “Am I that obvious?”

“Not usually,” Cas chuckles. “But you told me the burgers were good, and you strike me as someone who likes the classics. I take it I’m right? Because I don’t think I’m going to kiss you goodnight if you have raw fish eyeball breath.”

“You sure you’re not a shrink?” Dean teases. “I think you’d be good at it.”

“I’ll keep it in mind if I ever decide to change fields.”

They chat easily until their food is brought out by a stern-looking middle-aged woman. “You behaving yourself Dean?” she asks, a slight smile softening her features.

“Don’t I always?” he grins.

“Don’t sass me, boy,” she admonishes. “I don’t care how old you are, I’ve got no problem putting you in your place. Now, are you going to introduce me or not?”

Cas chuckles as the tips of Dean’s ears turn red. “Yes Ma’am. Ellen, this is Castiel. Cas, Ellen.”

Ellen looks at him for a moment, appraising. “You could certainly do worse,” she says finally. “Enjoy your dinner.”

Cas watches her walk away before raising an eyebrow at Dean. “Should I be flattered or offended?”

Dean laughs. “That’s about as close to approval as I’ve ever seen her. Believe me, if she didn’t like you, you’d know.” After dinner, Dean pulls a small box from the booth beside him, setting it on the table. “I told you I was going to bring something to help us,” he says in response to Cas’ curious look. “But you don’t have to use it if you don’t want. There are other ways.”

The sudden nervousness in his voice is alarming, but Cas takes the box and carefully lifts the lid, gasping softly at the circle of leather inside. He glances up at Dean, who’s watching him anxiously. “Is…this what I think it is?” he says finally.

“Like I said, you don’t have to,” Dean says quickly, rubbing at the back of his neck. “I just thought…”

“No, it’s not that,” he chuckles. “It just surprised me, that’s all.” He takes it out of the box carefully, smiling at the initials stitched in silver on the front. “You had this done between yesterday and today?”

“I know a guy,” he shrugs. “So…you like it?”

“I love it,” he laughs, putting it carefully back in the box. “And I think it will help. Thank you.”

Dean nods, grinning. “I’d really love to see how it looks on you, but I don’t think Ellen would appreciate that much.”

“Maybe later, then,” Cas chuckles.

Dean insists on walking him back to his apartment at which point he holds out the box. “Hold onto it. But don’t put it on yet. I want that honor for myself.” The idea of putting it on himself hadn’t really occurred to him, but he nods anyway, leaning in to kiss him softly. “Night Cas,” he grins.

“Goodnight Dean.”

 

* * *

 

 

In his happy haze, Cas forgets to set his alarm, and wakes up the next morning to find himself running late. He rushes around the apartment before heading to his office, realizing along the way that he’s forgotten his lecture notes, but not having enough time to go back for them. To make matters worse, several students in his classes were disruptive as he bumbled through his lectures with what he could remember, and he’d gotten no less than three emails about the deadline for his upcoming paper. After his final class lets out he sits at his desk for a moment, trying to remember what it’s like to breathe normally. Finally, he sends a text to Dean with just one word: _Help_. It only takes a minute before his phone is ringing. “Bad day?” he asks when he picks up.

“You have no idea.” The sound of Dean’s voice helps him breathe a little easier, and he rests his forehead on the desk as he listens to the low chuckle. “And now,” he explains, “I just feel…”

“Unsettled?” Dean guesses.

“Exactly.”

The line is quiet for a moment. “What time do you get home?” he asks finally.

“I don’t know, I still have to finish grading a few things. Maybe seven?”

“Do you have a spare key stashed anywhere?”

“Above the door frame,” he answers. “Why?”

He can hear Dean’s smile. “Hurry home. I’ll bring dinner.” He hangs up, and Cas takes a deep breath before going back to his papers. His mood lifts with each step closer to home, and he drops his briefcase just inside the door, closing it quietly before finding himself pressed up against it, the weight of Dean’s body soothing his frayed nerves as he melts into the slow kiss. Dean grins as he pulls away. “Welcome home. Dinner’s ready.”

Cas nods, hugging him tightly for a moment. “Thank you for coming,” he murmurs.

“Of course,” Dean smiles. “Come on.” He reaches down, threading his fingers through Cas’ before leading him into the kitchen.

“You cook?” Cas asks curiously.

Dean chuckles, sitting down and pulling him into the adjacent chair. “You’d be surprised how quickly you get tired of take-out. So, you wanna tell me what happened?” He listens patiently as Cas recounts the details of his day, keeping their fingers locked and lightly stroking Cas’ palm with his thumb. “Wow, it really wasn’t your day, huh?”

Cas chuckles. “I don’t know, it’s looking up from here. And at least I have tomorrow off. Sorry for bothering you earlier, I just needed to talk to someone, and you were the first person I thought of.”

“You didn’t bother me,” Dean insists. “I told you to call if you needed something. And it’s not like I mind getting to see you again.” He smiles, leaning over to kiss Cas’ cheek softly. “I’m glad I could help. Now, why don’t you get changed while I clean up?”

He nods, pulling off his tie as he walks into the bedroom and smiling at the pair of sweatpants left out on the bed for him next to the box. He changes quickly, picking the box up before going back out to the kitchen. “Hey Dean?”

Dean looks up from the sink, smiling and pulling him closer to kiss him softly. “Feeling better?”

“Starting to,” he smiles. He hesitates for a moment before holding up the box.

“You sure?” Dean asks. “We don’t have to.”

“I’m sure,” he chuckles. “After the day I’ve had, I need to let go for a while. You’re good at that.”

Dean just nods, kissing him once more and taking a breath before taking the box from him, setting it down on the table and removing the collar. When he turns back around Cas is on his knees, already looking calmer, and he can’t help but smile as he runs a hand through the messy hair. He gently tilts Cas’ chin up, carefully fastening the collar in the back, slipping a finger under the leather to check. “Too tight?” he asks. Cas shakes his head. “Good.” He watches him for another minute, grinning. “I was right. It does look good on you.” Cas blushes, trying to look away, but Dean’s fingers under his chin don’t let him get too far. “No hiding from me,” he murmurs. “Now, stand up. You’ll kill your knees if you kneel on these tiles much longer.” Cas smiles, wincing at the ache already present in his knees as he rises. His fingers go to his throat, feeling along the soft leather for the silver initials he knows are there. Dean watches him, chuckling. “Want to see for yourself?” He steers Cas into the bathroom, standing him in front of the mirror and looking over his shoulder at the reflection. “What do you think?”

Cas considers his reflection, tracing his fingers over the raised letters again. “It’s perfect,” he murmurs.

“I think so too,” Dean grins. He gently coaxes Cas’ head to the side, kissing the leather softly. “Now let’s put it to good use, shall we?” Cas nods, following him into the living room. Dean sits down on the couch, coaxing Cas into the seat beside him before pulling his upper half across his lap. Cas stretches restlessly, settling at the light hand on his lower back. He groans softly as the fingers press carefully into his shoulders, easing away the tension. “How are you feeling now?”

“Amazing,” he sighs.

Dean chuckles. “Good. See if you can quiet your mind. Just relax and let me take care of you for a while.” Cas nods, closing his eyes and focusing on the gentle pressure until it’s the only solid thing left. His breaths deepen as it moves lower, kneading the muscles of his lower back until they release. “Good boy. What’s your safe word, Castiel?” Dean asks quietly.

“Angel, Sir,” he whispers, humming at the scent of vanilla that fills the air.

“Good.” The touch pauses for a moment, then returns, smoother than before. Cas lifts his hips from the couch when he feels it pushing at his waistband, smiling at Dean’s low chuckle as his hand skims bare skin. He yelps when Dean’s hand comes down on one side of his ass, enough to startle him but not hard enough to truly hurt. “Cheeky bastard,” he mutters, but there’s warmth behind the words. “Well now we have a dilemma,” Dean teases. “This side is nice and pink, and the other side isn’t. What do you think we should do about that?”

Cas shivers at his tone, fighting to keep from seeking friction against Dean’s leg. “I suppose we should even it out, Sir,” he murmurs. The pad of Dean’s thumb rubs lightly over the initials on his collar, a reward, before his hand comes down again, harder than before. It takes Cas by surprise how intensely pleasurable it is, and the low moan is tumbling from his lips before he can stop it. Dean chuckles as he rubs gently over the quickly darkening skin.

“Much better, don’t you think?” he grins. Cas just nods, letting Dean shift him around until his knees are on either side of Dean’s hips, resting comfortably against his chest. The scent of vanilla returns, and then his fingers are delving into Cas’ lower back again. When they move lower, slippery with the oil, Cas gasps, his body tensing automatically. Dean backs off immediately, one hand rubbing soothingly at the back of his neck and the other settling reassuringly at his waist. “Take a deep breath,” he instructs softly. He waits for Cas to obey, looking up at him. “Good. Now talk to me.”

“Sorry,” he mutters, flushing.

Dean shushes him softly. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I just need to know what you’re feeling.”

“Just…surprised me, that’s all. I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?” he asks. “We don’t have to. You can safeword. I won’t be mad.”

Cas nearly growls at him. “I’m sure, I promise. I trust you.”

Dean smiles at that, brushing his hair back lightly. “Good. I’m not going to hurt you. I want you to relax and breathe.” His fingers continue to press into his back until Cas recaptures his relaxed state. “Look at me, Cas,” he murmurs. His fingers slip lower again to circle at the puckered flesh, and this time he doesn’t pull away when Cas tenses, just continues circling and holds his gaze calmly until he takes a breath and relaxes again. “Good boy,” he murmurs, and something warm spreads through Cas’ chest at the pride in the words. “How do you feel now?”

“G-Good, Sir,” he breathes. For a moment he panics at the idea of what he’s doing, and he looks away, only to be reminded at the sting when Dean’s hand comes down across his skin again. For some reason the reminder settles his nerves, and Dean smiles when he takes a deeper breath. “So good, for me, Cas,” Dean murmurs, starting to kiss and nip along his jaw and neck, not protesting when Cas’ forehead falls to his shoulder. He continues that way for what feels to Cas like a long time, the pressure of his finger slowly increasing. Cas pants softly against his neck, his hips rolling slightly as he listens to Dean’s murmured praise and encouragements. Suddenly, the sensation changes as Cas’ body yields to the light pressure, and he gasps, jerking away from it. Dean must anticipate this, because his hand moves with him, his other arm wrapping around his waist, stilling his movement. “Shh, it’s alright, you’re okay,” he soothes. “Cas, look at me.” Slowly, wide eyes meet his patient gaze. “Did it hurt?” he asks calmly. Cas swallows and shakes his head, trying to control the shaking that’s started in his limbs. “Okay. Are you in pain right now?” Dean continues.

He has to think for a moment to get beyond his fear. It’s definitely uncomfortable, but he can’t honestly say that it’s painful. “N-No…”

“Okay. So you’re fine, right? If I promised I wouldn’t hurt you, and you’re through the hardest part, and you’re not in pain, why are you scared?”

Cas considers it, but can’t come up with an answer. “I-I don’t know.”

Dean smiles encouragingly. “Well then there’s not much point to being scared if you don’t have a reason, is there? You know I wouldn’t do anything bad to you, right?” Cas nods. “Okay. Then take a couple of deep breaths and try to relax. You’re fine. I’m right here. You’re safe. I’m not going to move until you’re ready.” Gradually, the knot inside Cas’ chest loosens, and he breathes a little easier, letting the smooth movements of Dean’s hand over his skin soothe the trembling. Hesitantly, he starts to sit back, stopping when Dean’s hand stays in place. It takes him a minute to realize the reason; that Dean is letting him do this at his own pace, and suddenly he can’t remember why he’d ever doubted him. Slowly, he eases himself back onto Dean’s finger, pausing every time his breaths get too shallow. It takes a long time, but eventually he shifts fully back onto Dean’s lap, sighing softly at the new sensation. Dean grins widely, free hand stroking his cheek lightly. “Good boy,” he murmurs. “I’m proud of you. How does it feel now?”

“Still kind of strange, but not bad.”

Dean nods, leaning closer, licking a line up his collarbone and sucking hard at the pulse in his neck. Cas gasps softly, his grip on Dean’s shoulders tightening as Dean carefully withdraws his finger almost all the way, then gently eases back in. His hand drops to wrap around Cas’ shaft, stroking slowly. Cas’ hips jerk at the touch, which causes him to press back against Dean’s finger, and a low moan escapes him at the combined sensation. He shifts again, whimpering when it brushes against something inside him. Dean chuckles softly. “Not so weird now, is it?”

Cas shakes his head. “Good,” he gasps out as Dean repeats the motion.

“Good,” he answers. His hand leaves Cas’ cock, and he shushes the whine of protest before replacing it with Cas’ own hand, then steadies him with a hand at his lower back as he slowly increases the movement of his other hand. When Cas looks up, Dean is watching him with a strange sort of fascination. “You’re beautiful,” he murmurs when he notices Cas’ confusion, a slow grin spreading across his face. “I wish you could see yourself.” Cas feels his cheeks burn, imagining what he might look like, but Dean just smiles and moves faster, and soon he can’t really think about anything except how good it feels to have Dean’s hands on him like this and the fantastically dirty things being whispered into his ear.

Cas whimpers at the hand that finds its way into his hair, tugging lightly. “Dean…”

“Hmm?” he answers, nipping above his collar.

Cas shouts as his finger drags over the spot again. “Dean!”

Dean chuckles, low and warm in his ear. “Good boy. Cum.”

He shudders hard, collapsing against Dean’s chest as the waves of pleasure roll over him. Dean eases him through it, holding him securely as he trembles. “I’m so proud of you Cas,” he murmurs, gently combing his hair back. “You’re so incredible you know that?” Cas groans softly as he carefully eases his finger free. “Shh, I know baby,” he soothes. “Let’s go clean you up, okay?” He doesn’t answer, but his grip tightens around Dean’s neck, so he carefully picks him up, setting them both in the warm bath. Cas sighs softly, his cheek pressed over Dean’s heart, and Dean smiles, kissing the crown of his head. “You doing okay?” Cas nods. “Good. I’m going to take this off now, okay?” he murmurs, his fingers lightly stroking over the collar. Cas whimpers softly, and Dean’s hold on him tightens. “I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” He nods again, and Dean carefully unfastens the clasp, setting it aside and gently running a washcloth over his flushed skin.

Cas takes a deep breath, looking up at him, and Dean smiles, tilting his chin up to kiss him softly. “Hi,” he whispers.

“Hi,” Dean chuckles. “How are you feeling?”

“Good,” Cas murmurs. “Really good.”

Dean nods kissing him again. “I’m glad. No pain?” Cas shakes his head. “Good. You’ll probably be a little sore later, but nothing we can’t handle. Is it okay if I stay tonight?”

Cas nods automatically, then pauses. “Why?”

“Well, partly because I like staying,” Dean grins, “But mostly because I have a feeling you’re going to drop pretty hard, and I want to be here if you do.”

He nods, watching him for a minute. “You look concerned.”

Dean smiles, kissing his cheek. “Just thinking. It can be…dangerous, if it’s not handled right. It’ll be easier if I’m here to help you through it.”

“What if you can’t be?” Cas asks.

“That’s exactly why I’m going to teach you what to do in case I can’t. But later. We have a couple of hours before we need to worry about it, and I’d like to spend them just like this.” Cas grins, nodding and allowing Dean to help him dry off. Once back on the couch he presses close into his side, leaning up to kiss him again.

“Hey Dean?” he asks. “Why didn’t you keep going?”

“One step at a time,” Dean chuckles. “Besides, when we finally get there, you won’t be wearing your collar. Not the first time, at least.” Cas blushes at that, and Dean smiles. “I’m so proud of you, Cas.”

“Why?” he asks. “I didn’t do anything. Actually, I kind of freaked out on you.”

Dean chuckles. “You did plenty. And that’s alright. I’m proud because you told me you have a hard time trusting people and letting them close enough to do anything. That looked a lot like trust to me.”

Slowly, a smile sneaks across Cas’ face. “I guess you’re right.” He pauses, thinking. “I do trust you, Dean. I know that probably doesn’t make sense, but I just…feel like I can. I’ve never felt like that before.”

“Why do you think you feel like that?” Dean asks.

Cas considers it for a moment. “Because I’ve given you every chance to hurt me, and you haven’t,” he answers finally. “You showed up in my apartment one day, and I let you tie me up and blindfold me, and…you came back. You take care of me. I don’t really have a reason not to trust you.”

Dean smiles, gently tipping his chin up to kiss him softly. “Thank you. I appreciate that. I won’t let you down.” Cas smiles, snuggling up against his chest. His hand drifts slowly down Dean’s stomach and along his thigh, making him shiver. “Cas…?”

“Hmm?”

“What are you doing?”

Cas grins, a picture of innocence. “Nothing…” Dean swallows so loudly he can hear it, closing his eyes for a minute. “I really did enjoy it,” Cas murmurs. “You’re so good to me.”

“Y-You don’t have to, Cas,” he answers, his voice hitching as Cas’ fingers brush lightly over him.

“I know. I want to. Is that okay?” Dean nods, his jaw slackening when Cas gives a long, slow stroke. He sighs softly, his head tilting to the side as Cas presses soft kisses along his neck and shoulder. I get to watch you for a change,” he chuckles, watching Dean shiver as his thumb passes over the head. “It’s kind of nice.” He nips at the pulse in Dean’s neck as his head falls back against the couch, then ducks to lick over one pink nipple. Dean gives a strangled groan, his hips rising slightly to meet Cas’ hand. “You’re beautiful, Dean,” he murmurs, receiving only soft gasps in response.

Not pausing in his touch, he moves to kneel between Dean’s knees watching the ecstasy play across his face before sucking a dark bruise onto Dean’s inner thigh. Dean startles at the sudden change, but his knees fall wider, and Cas smiles at the sharp intake of breath that answers his soft nips at the sensitive skin. He takes a breath, lightly running the flat of his tongue up the long vein on the underside from base to tip, and Dean’s hips jerk, one hand finding its way into his hair. Encouraged, he sits up on his knees, wrapping his lips around the head and sucking gently, pleased with the low moan that rumbles out of Dean’s chest. He takes his time, experimenting with different movements and pressure until Dean is panting and flushed, the fingers in his hair clenched tight, leaving a pleasant tingle along Cas’ scalp. Remembering Dean’s own actions, he carefully teases at the slit with the tip of his tongue, delighted at the loud moan that escapes him. He pulls away for a moment, and Dean whimpers, squirming. “Look at me, Dean,” he murmurs, smiling when the deep green eyes settle on him. Very deliberately, he teases along the underside with his tongue, then quickly swallows him down, and Dean shouts, his fingers pulling tighter in Cas’ hair as his abs clench with the effort of staying in control. He whimpers again when Cas moans around him at the sight.

“Cas…” he breathes, “You might want to stop now…” Cas is fairly sure he understands, considering the little rolls Dean’s hips are giving, but he doesn’t want to stop, and it certainly doesn’t seem like Dean wants him to either. He hums a little in response, and Dean gasps sharply, pushed over the edge. He swears he hears his name somewhere in the moan that accompanies his release, and if the light trembling in his thighs is anything to go by, he supposes he wasn’t too terrible. He waits until Dean is finished before swallowing, savoring the taste that’s decidedly Dean before gently licking him clean, committing this image to memory and purring at the hand that strokes through his hair. “Jesus Christ, Cas,” he pants, pulling him up from the floor and into his lap.

His hand drops to the back of Cas’ neck to pull him in for a kiss, but Cas hesitates. “Dean, I just…”

“I know,” he laughs breathlessly. “Fuck, I know.” Cas grins, kissing him softly, and Dean opens willingly as he cautiously licks into his mouth. He moans into the kiss, tasting himself on Cas’ tongue, and Cas moans back softly. “What happened to being a blushing virgin?” he chuckles, resting his forehead against Cas’.

“What can I say?” Cas grins. “You’re pretty good inspiration.”

Dean sighs happily, capturing his lips again while he catches his breath. “You still feeling alright?” he asks when they pull apart. Cas nods, kissing along his jaw. “Good. Then let’s talk.” Cas listens carefully as Dean explains the finer points of sub drop and what he should do if he finds himself alone when it happens. Cas frowns, and Dean strokes his cheek lightly. “What’s wrong?”

“You’re…going to be here, right?” he asks cautiously.

Dean smiles, kissing him softly to erase his frown. “Of course, baby. I will be here for it as often as I possibly can, especially now when you’re still new at this. It’s nothing to be nervous about. This is just a precaution, so that I know you know what to do if I’m not here for some reason. Don’t worry. I’m going to take care of you.” Cas smiles, nodding and kissing him back. “Come on, it’s late. Let’s go to bed.”

 

* * *

 

 

He knows something is off when he wakes up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. He glances over at Dean, still asleep, and suddenly a crushing feeling of shame and doubt explodes through his chest. Every doubt he’s ever had about Dean and their relationship comes rushing back all at once, and he can’t seem to remember how to breathe anymore. A part of him wants to wake Dean up, to have him say that he’s wrong, but a larger part of him is too afraid that he might be right. Dean can’t possibly love him. He’s going to do something wrong, and Dean is going to leave, and then where will he be? How could he be so naïve to think that this could be real?

By the time Dean wakes up he’s worked himself into a full-blown panic attack, complete with hyperventilating and uncontrollable shaking, and he’s also managed to fall to the floor beside the bed. Dean shakes himself out of sleep, confused for a moment before he curses under his breath. He jumps up, kneeling on the floor in front of him. “Cas? Cas!” He sighs, taking a breath. “Castiel, look at me.” Startled, Cas looks up, eyes wide and terrified, from his curled up position on the floor. “Cas, talk to me. I’m right here. Tell me what’s upsetting you.”

“You’re…going…to…leave!” he chokes out, near hysterical in between big gasps.

“Baby, no,” he murmurs, keeping his voice calm. “I’m right here. I’m not leaving you. You have to calm down, okay?” He reaches out, relieved when Cas doesn’t pull away from his touch, but grabs onto him, burrowing into his chest. Dean holds him tightly, softly stroking his hair. “I’m not going anywhere sweetheart. I love you too much to leave. Cas, you gotta take a deep breath for me, okay? You’re only feeling this way because you’re dropping. It will stop, but you have to calm down. You’re okay. I’m here. I’ve got you. Just breathe for me.” Slowly, he leans closer, softly pressing their lips together. It’s wet and salty and desperate, but it seems to shock Cas out of his panic enough to take a more normal breath. “Good. Just breathe. You’re safe. I’m not leaving. Understand?”

Slowly, Cas nods, hiding his face against Dean’s shirt and breathing his scent in deeply, letting it calm his racing heart. Dean continues murmuring softly, gently rubbing along his spine until he relaxes. “I’m s-sorry,” he stutters after a while, his breaths still hitching uncontrollably.

“Shh, you have nothing to apologize for,” he says softly, gently pulling his chin up and wiping away the wet trails on his cheeks. “I should have woken up sooner. Are you alright?”

“I t-think s-so,” Cas whispers, still clutching at Dean’s shirt with shaking fingers. “I s-should have realized it was j-just…You said it might…”

“It’s not your fault, baby,” Dean assures him. “It happens. Talking about it and feeling it are two different things. I need you to look at me for a moment, because what I’m about to say is very important, alright?” Cas looks up, wide-eyed. “I am never, under any circumstances, going to abandon you,” Dean murmurs. “It’s very important that you understand that. Do you understand?” Slowly, Cas’ shoulders drop, and he nods. “Good. Let’s get you up. We’ll clean you up and talk about this a little, okay?”

Carefully, his pulls Cas to his feet, keep him steady against his chest and walking him into the bathroom. The cold, wet cloth feels good against his flushed face and the back of his neck, and he sighs, leaning into Dean’s gentle hands. “You wanna tell me what happened?” he asks softly, handing him a glass of water.

“I guess it just got out of control,” he mumbles, looking away. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize to me,” Dean answers. “I just want to know what happened so that we can make sure this won’t happen again.” He nudges his shoulder gently, motioning to the glass. “Drink. You’ll be glad you did in the morning. So what started it?”

“I woke up feeling weird. I think I had a nightmare, but I don’t remember it,” Cas starts, taking a sip of water. Dean nods encouragingly, hugging him close. “And then I just felt so…embarrassed about what I’d done, and I started thinking that there was no way you could possibly care about me, and then I got scared that I’d do something wrong and you’d leave. And from there it kind of…got away from me.”

Dean nods thoughtfully. “Why didn’t you wake me up like I told you to?”

“I thought about it,” Cas admits. “But then I thought you might confirm all my fears and leave, and I just couldn’t deal with that. I should have woken you up before it got so bad.”

He feels Dean press a soft kiss to his temple. “I should have stayed up. When you fell asleep I thought you’d sleep through the worst of it like last time. I’m sorry.”

Cas shakes his head. “No, it wasn’t your fault. I just need to work on it a little. I’m okay.” He pauses, thinking. “Did you really…mean what you said before? You…love me?”

Dean feels his face heat up, ducking his head. “Yeah, of course. I know it’s kind of early, but…you needed a reason to hold on to, to convince you I wasn’t leaving. Why not the truth?”

Cas smiles, leaning up to kiss him softly. “Thank you. That helps.”

“Good. How are you feeling now?”

“Still kind of down,” he answers after a moment. “But not scared anymore.”

Dean smiles. “Good. I want you to try something. Before you go to bed every night, take your collar out and leave it on your nightstand.”

“How will that help?” Cas asks, puzzled.

Dean grins. “You haven’t looked on the inside?” He leads Cas back into the bedroom, pulling the collar from its box and flipping it over. On the inside, stitched in the same silver thread as his initials, is the word _Mine_. “This way, if you wake up doubting my desire to be with you, you’ll see it and remember how much you mean to me.”

Cas smiles, pulling him down to kiss him again. “Thank you.”

“You need rest,” he murmurs. “Ready to try getting some sleep again?”

Cas nods, carefully setting the collar down before climbing into bed and pressing up against Dean’s chest. “I’m really glad you’re here,” he whispers, sighing softly.

“I’ll always be here,” Dean murmurs back, kissing his forehead softly. “Sweet dreams, Cas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't tell you how much I love reading all your comments. Remember to drop me a line!
> 
> Love,  
> TheSongSmith


	4. Time Heals

Cas wakes with his back pressed tightly to Dean’s chest, an arm flung over his waist and soft breaths ticking the back of his neck. He smiles, enjoying the warmth and tracing light patterns into Dean’s skin until he starts to stir. The arm around his waist tightens for a moment, and then there’s soft lips pressed against his neck. “Morning,” Dean murmurs, his voice rough with sleep. "How you feeling?”

“I’m okay,” Cas answers softly. “You?”

“I’m good,” Dean sighs, kissing the back of his neck. “Sore yet?”

Cas shrugs. “Don’t know. Haven’t moved.”

He chuckles, pressing tighter against him. “That sounds like a good plan.”

Cautiously, Cas stretches and turns to face him. “You’re very beautiful in the morning,” he grins.

Dean laughs. “I think you’re lying to me.”

“I’m doing no such thing. You’re all gravelly and warm. It’s very sexy.” He leans in, kissing Dean softly.

“I’m glad you like it,” Dean smiles. Cas just hums in response, closing his eyes again. He feels the hand at his back slide slowly over the curve of his ass to the back of his thigh, pulling it to rest over Dean’s before gently kneading the muscles. He moans softly into the pillow, hearing Dean chuckle. “Right there?” He nods, sighing softly as Dean captures his lips again, letting him guide the slow, sweet kiss. He whimpers as Dean’s teeth tug lightly at his bottom lip.

“Not fair,” Cas sighs, planting soft kisses along his collarbone.

“What’s not fair?” Dean murmurs, the hand on his thigh slipping down to massage the other one.

“That you can do this to me so easily,” Cas grins. He gently coaxes Dean’s head back, sucking and biting softly at his throat and smiling at the soft moan.

“You mean this?” Dean asks teasingly, his hand sliding up to brush against Cas’ already half-hard cock.

Cas gasps, sucking a bruise at Dean’s throat. “Yes,” he growls.

Dean chuckles, stroking him slowly. “It’s all your fault. Here I was, just trying to give you a nice massage, and you have to be all sexy and adorable. See what you did?” He shifts, pressing his own hardness against Cas’ stomach.

Cas laughs, slipping his hand between them and rubbing his thumb over the head softly. “We’re hopeless, aren’t we?”

“There are worse things,” Dean grins back.

When they’ve both caught their breath, Dean pulls Cas into the shower, gently lathering shampoo into his hair. “You still thinking about the stuff you said last night?” he asks softly. Cas just shrugs. “It’s okay to think about it sometimes,” he murmurs.

“You think so?” Cas asks, looking up at him.

“Yeah. I mean, this is kind of a big deal. It makes sense to worry about getting hurt sometimes. Just as long as you’re not worried about it all the time. You know, I meant what I said. Regardless of what happens, I’m never just going to abandon you like that. You don’t have to be afraid of doing something wrong. You’re learning. Hell, we’re both learning. I’m not just going to up and leave you because you don’t know everything there is to know.”

Cas smiles, leaning up to kiss him softly. “I know, Dean. I understand. It’s okay. I promise I don’t worry about it all the time. Last night it just…spun out of control. On any normal day, I know.”

Dean nods, tugging him closer. “Good. Want to go to the park with me today? We can have a picnic. It’ll be fun.” Cas groans, and he laughs. “Come on, it’ll be good to get out for a while. It’s your day off.”

Cas considers it for a moment. “Can we cuddle a little while longer first?”

“Of course,” Dean chuckles.

“Then okay.”

When they make it to the park, Dean sets out a blanket, and they sit together quietly to enjoy their lunch. “You were right,” Cas smiles, leaning against Dean’s shoulder. “This is nice.” Dean smiles back, pulling him closer and kissing him softly. It’s peaceful until harsh voices pull them out of their little world, spitting hateful words as they pass along the path. Cas feels Dean tense, hears the growl that escapes his chest as he rises angrily off the ground as if to follow them. He grabs Dean’s shoulder before he can get far. “Hey, relax. Dean it’s not worth it.”

This does nothing to stop the harsh, angry breaths coming from him as he stares after them. Cas shifts to stand in front of him, waiting until Dean’s gaze reluctantly shifts to him. “But, Cas…”

“I know,” he interrupts. “It’s not right. But we’re having a nice day and I’m not going to let hateful people like that ruin it. They’re gone. Please, just take a breath and sit down with me.”

Dean sighs, nodding and closing his eyes for a minute. “Sorry,” he mutters. “I’m just…kind of sensitive about that stuff.”

Cas nods, kissing his cheek softly as they both sit down again. “It’s okay, I understand. It’s terrible that there’s still people like that out there. But we don’t have to let them get to us. Not today, at least.”

He nods, finishing lunch, though he still seems a little bit distracted. He waits until they’ve laid back on the blanket, staring up at the sky before he says anything. “It was my dad,” he murmurs, so low Cas almost misses it.

“What was?” he asks, sitting up on his elbows.

“The first person who called me that,” he explains, looking away. “Said no son of his was going to be a fag. He was drunk, and we argued, and it got physical. Sammy was off at college by then, and I’d only stayed for him. So I left. I went to live with my Uncle Bobby for a while. I guess that’s why I get so mad about it.”

Cas frowns. “Oh, Dean…”

“No,” Dean interrupts, shaking his head. “It’s fine, it’s just…I figured you should know, why I got so angry.”

“So that’s why you always look sad when you talk about him.”

Dean nods, sitting up and looking over the grass for a few minutes. “We were kinda close before. I never told Sammy about the argument. I made up some other reason we weren’t talking. He had his own issues with our dad; I didn’t want to fuel that fire. I just stayed away as much as possible. But it sucked. Eventually I just figured if he couldn’t accept me the way I was, I didn’t need him in my life. Sammy never had a problem with it. I had him. That’s all I needed.”

Cas nods slowly, putting his hand over Dean’s and squeezing lightly. “I’m glad you had your brother. I have a couple of older brothers who had the same reaction. But Gabriel, as annoying as he can be, always stuck by me. And I have a sister too, who didn’t care.” He smiles softly. “And now I have you. And you have me. I think we’re doing pretty well.”

Finally, Dean cracks a small smile. “Yeah, I guess we are. Thanks.” He pulls Cas against his chest, seeming to relax as he kisses him softly. They sit quietly for a while longer before packing up. Dean looks over at Cas as they walk slowly back. “You doing okay?”

“I’m fine Dean,” Cas smiles. “Don’t worry so much.”

He nods. “Easier said than done,” he chuckles. He pauses outside Cas’ building, frowning. “You gonna be alright tonight? Want me to stay?”

“I always want you to stay, but you have to go home sometime, Dean,” Cas smiles. “I’ll be okay. And if I’m not I know what to do, and I promise I’ll call you. I learned my lesson. I can handle it.”

Reluctantly, Dean nods. “Even if it’s the middle of the night-” he starts.

“You don’t mind being woken up,” Cas finishes. “I know. Why are you so worried?”

Dean shrugs. “I’m sort of fond of you. I don’t like the idea of you being upset. It goes against my protective instincts.”

“I’m sort of fond of you too,” Cas chuckles, kissing him softly. “And I appreciate your protective instincts, but don’t lose sleep over it, okay? I swear I’ll call you if there’s a problem, but I’m really okay.”

“Okay,” he nods, kissing him again. “Goodnight.” He turns to go, but stops and pivots back. “Hey Cas? Why don’t you come over to my place after work tomorrow? I’ll cook.”

Cas grins from the doorway. “I’d love to. I’ll see you around seven.”  
  


* * *

 

When Cas arrives at Dean’s apartment, he can hear classic rock through the door. He knocks and the music softens, followed by a shout to come in. He enters slowly, looking around as he follows the noise into the kitchen, where Dean stands at the stove juggling a number of pots and pans. “Hey!” he greets cheerfully, leaning in to kiss him softly. “Hope today went better than your last day of work.”

“Thankfully it did, though I’m still glad it’s Friday,” Cas chuckles. He holds up the bag he brought with him. “You’re developing quite the collection of clothes at my house. Thought you might want some of them back. Though I will admit to keeping your sweatshirt. It’s comfortable.”

Dean laughs. “If you like it that much, it’s yours. Thanks for bringing them.” Something on the stove splatters, and he yelps as it hits his arm. “Hey, would you mind dropping those in the bedroom for me? Go straight back to the hallway and make a left, and it’s the first door on the right.” Cas nods, taking in the rest of the apartment on his way, and by the time he gets to the hallway he can’t remember if it’s the door on the right or the left. He reaches for the one on the left, then freezes in the doorway, shocked by what’s inside. Definitely not the bedroom; something he might call a dungeon if it wasn’t so warm and inviting. Lining the walls and shelves are every tool he could possibly fantasize about and a few he doesn’t even have a faint idea of, meticulously organized around the periphery. The middle of the room is taken up by several structures of various forms, all covered in soft brown leather that he can’t help but run his fingers over. He knows he should back out and close the door, but a larger part of him wants nothing more than to examine every piece and guess at name or function, which is exactly what he ends up doing. He must be gone longer than he thinks, because he’s suddenly started out of his thoughts by a low chuckle. “So that’s where you disappeared to.”

Cas can feel the blush creeping into his face, and he whirls around to find Dean standing in the doorway, smirking at him. “S-Sorry,” he manages, looking like he’s been caught at the scene of a crime, “I couldn’t remember if you said right or left, and I just…”

Dean just laughs, stepping further into the room. “Nothing wrong with being curious. So what do you think?”

Cas considers it for a moment, glancing around. “Why haven’t we been doing things in here?” he asks finally.

“Well, I guess there’s a couple of reasons. Firstly, I thought it would be a little overwhelming for you, and I didn’t want to do that. And secondly, I figured it would be much easier for you to relax if we started things on your home turf instead of mine, especially since you were nervous to begin with. One step at a time. So do you like it?”

Cas nods slowly, and Dean looks around with him as if seeing it for the first time. “More than I thought I would.” He hesitates, biting his lip for a moment. “So you do this a lot, then? Enough to have a…dungeon, at least?”

Dean chuckles. “I don’t really consider it a dungeon, per se. More of a playroom I guess. And no. I like collecting things, but you’re the first person I’ve done anything like this with in a long time. No one else has ever been in here, actually. I needed a place to put my collection, and I needed a good summer project. I built it myself.”

“It’s beautiful,” Cas murmurs. “Do you think you’d ever want to use it?”

“If it’s something you’d like to do,” Dean smiles. “We don’t have to, but I’m open to sharing it with you when we’re ready.”

“I think I’d like that,” he smiles.

Dean grins. “Good. Now come on. Dinner’s getting cold.”

After dinner they sit on the couch, sipping from wine glasses as they trade stories about work and family. Dean tells Cas more about his father, including what Bobby, who owns the garage Dean works in, did to him when Dean showed up at his house with a black eye. “Bobby was livid,” he chuckles. “I remember he opened the door, and I was just standing there in the snow, and he asked me if I was going to come inside or just stare at him all night. I said he probably wanted to know why I was there before he invited me inside. I was preparing myself for him to just slam the door in my face, and I couldn’t even say anything for a minute. And finally I just blurted it out and told him I’m gay.”

“What did he say?” Cas asks softly.

“Nothing, for a minute. And then he just looked at me like I was stupid and told me to get my ass in the house before I froze to death. I know it sounds harsh, but that’s kind of how he shows affection. I was so surprised that I asked if he was sure.” Cas chuckles. “He didn’t answer that, just stood there and waited until I came inside. He was very quiet for a minute, and then he asked if my dad was the one who gave me that shiner. I just nodded, and he nodded back. And then I turned around and Ellen was there, and I guess she’d heard the whole thing. She was crying, and the only time I’ve ever seen her do that was when her husband died, and even then it was very rare. She just hugged me and told me that I wasn’t alone. And I just broke down. I haven’t cried like that since I was five. But for the first time in so long I felt safe. And she just waited patiently and cleaned me up when I was done and we had dinner.”

Cas nods, squeezing his hand gently. “Did you ever see your dad again?”

“Yeah. He showed up the next day, still angry and wanting to fight with me. I guess he figured that’s where I’d go. He demanded to see me, and Bobby didn’t even say anything; just punched him straight in the face and told him to get the hell off the property. I’ve never seen my dad so shocked in my life. Bobby told him that if he wasn’t willing to get his head out of his ass long enough to love his son, then he wasn’t welcome.”

“That must have meant a lot to you,” Cas murmurs, pressing closer against his side.

Dean nods. “It did. For as long as I could remember, I was always the protector. I had to be, for Sammy. No one had ever stood up for me before. They may be kind of weird, but they’re my family.”

Cas smiles, leaning up to kiss his cheek. “They obviously love you very much. I’m glad someone stood up for you.”

“What about you?” Dean asks curiously. “You said you had a hard time too.”

“That’s a long story.”

“We’ve got time,” Dean encourages gently. “If you want to, I mean.”

“My family is…complicated,” Cas explains. “My parents are very powerful people in certain circles. We grew up very wealthy, but none of us were at all happy. I know I really shouldn’t complain, and that there are people who have things much worse, but I was so miserable and scared for so long…we always had to be perfect. Image was everything in my family, and there was so much pressure to live up to the image my parents wanted. Several of my older brothers were good at being perfect. But I’d never been able to do that. I was always a disappointment.” Dean kisses his temple, staying quiet. “The biggest threat in my family was that noncompliance meant being cut off. And as uncomfortable as I was in my family, I was terrified of being on my own. They had us convinced that we could never make it on our own. And, I’m ashamed to say that I let them dictate my life for a long time. I dated girls from wealthy families, even though I knew I wasn’t attracted to them. I kept my dreams of teaching to myself and went to business school at a prominent university. I refused to tell anybody how anxious and depressed I was. I was emotionally isolated and shut down. I acted like everything was okay, because that’s what I was supposed to do.”

Dean’s arm tightens around his shoulders. “So what changed?”

“I had a nervous breakdown in the middle of my sophomore year, and ended up in the psych ward at the local hospital,” Cas explains. “When a doctor said they were going to call my parents I had a panic attack so bad they had to sedate me. They definitely wouldn’t be happy if the papers picked up a story about their son being crazy. When I woke up there was a psychologist there. She said her name was Charlie, and that she wanted to help me. I was so lonely and scared that I just exploded. I told her everything. And she just asked me why, if my family made me so afraid and upset, I was so desperate to stay on good terms with them. And all of a sudden I just realized that…she was right. I was so afraid of their disappointment that I was being someone I didn’t even recognize anymore.”

Dean makes a sad noise, holding him closer. “That’s awful.”

“It was,” Cas agrees. “But it made me recognize that I needed to change things. I knew my parents would never allow me to see a therapist. They’d deny my problems as long as they could. But Charlie offered to see me anyway. So I went to see her a couple of times a week to figure things out. We came up with a plan to take my life back. I started working part time, and I set up a bank account separate from my parents and moved into a tiny apartment. I abandoned the business program and switched to a double major in education and English. It took a long time, but after a while I learned to accept myself the way I was. I went on a date with a boy for the first time. And when my father called and asked why my transcripts said I was taking English and education classes, I told him everything. That I was going to become a teacher, and that I was seeing a psychologist, and that I was gay and refusing to hide myself any longer.”

“Damn,” Dean murmurs. “I’m sure he wasn’t happy about that.”

“He wasn’t. At first he tried to command me to go back to business school and forget about what he called my ‘perverse homosexual thoughts’. I told him I wasn’t going to let him bully me into being someone I’m not anymore. Then he tried threatening to pull financial support, and I told him that I’d been working and that I didn’t need it. He didn’t know what to say to that. I think he expected me to cower again like I had before. None of us had ever spoken to him so confidently and calmly. So, finally, he just told me that if I wasn’t going to live under his rules, then I shouldn’t come home. I said I wasn’t planning on it, and I hung up.”

Dean sighs softly. “I gotta hand it to you, Cas. That took a lot of courage.”

He nods slowly. “It did. And it was scary. But Charlie helped me understand that my life was much more important than living up to my family’s impossible expectations. I have no doubt that if I hadn’t started seeing her, it would have killed me. I was depressed and anxious and angry, and I know I would have made some bad choices if things had gone on much longer. I’d thought about it before. The second I hung up that phone, I felt so relieved and happy. I was finally free from all the pressure, and I didn’t have to be ashamed of who I was anymore. I never looked back. No amount of money or prestige is worth that kind of pain. She helped me realize that a true family wouldn’t force me to be someone I’m not. Love shouldn’t be conditional.”

“I can’t even imagine,” Dean murmurs. “I mean, my dad was an asshole, but that’s just…emotional torture. I’m really glad you got help when you did. Did the rest of your family stop talking to you too?”

“Most of them,” Cas explains. “Most of my siblings had adopted my father’s moral compass. I haven’t heard from Raphael, Michael, or Lucifer in years. But a couple of days after the phone call, Gabriel and Anna showed up at my door. They’d found out what my father said to me and decided to rebel. They told me that he’d offered them money not to disgrace the family name any further, and they’d told him that no amount of money was worth turning your back on family. I’m very grateful for their support. Just because I was free from my family’s pressure didn’t mean I was free from the problems it caused. You’ve seen some of the effects yourself, and I’m two hundred percent better than I used to be. But I’m happy. I’ve never regretted my decision.”

Dean nods. “How long did you see your doctor? Do you still see her?”

“I had regular appointments with her for several years after I left my family. It took a long time to learn how to be myself. It was years before I was comfortable expressing emotion around anyone. In more recent years I’ve seen her a few times, when I’ve felt I needed to. She’s made it clear that I’m always welcome, and we talk fairly often. After all of that, she’s become a close friend.” Dean makes a thoughtful sound, frowning. “What?” Cas asks.

“Nothing,” he answers. “I just…I was proud of you before, but knowing how far you’ve come…I can’t even imagine how hard it must have been to let me in like this. I’m just…completely awe-struck. You’re amazing.”

Cas smiles, kissing him softly. “You’re no less amazing than me. Your life might have been different than mine, but it was just as hard. Your father replaced emotions with violence, and I know how cautious you are not to do the same. You’re so careful with me, and you’re protective of your family. It’s really remarkable.” He hesitates for a moment, frowning. “Dean? This isn’t going to be an issue, is it? I know a lot of people are…uncomfortable with it.”

“No!” Dean says quickly. “Not at all. Believe me, I get it. We all have our demons, and you seem to have a very healthy handle on yours. It doesn’t change anything. It definitely helps me understand some things, but I don’t think of you any differently. Thank you for telling me. Now that I know this, I have a better idea of how to help you and make sure you don’t have another episode like the other night. Will you promise me something?”

“What is it?” Cas asks cautiously.

“Nothing bad. It’s just that communication is very important here. I’m happy to hear you say that you still see Charlie when you need to. I’m glad that you have someone you can talk to that you trust. I’d just really like you to promise me that you’ll let me know if you feel like you need to see her. I’m not asking for you to discuss whatever it is with me if you don’t want to. I just want to support you, in the bad times too, and I certainly don’t want to hurt you in any way.” Cas smiles, leaning up to kiss him softly. “What’s that for?” Dean asks, puzzled.

“Just for being you. I’ll do my best to let you know if I want to see her.” He pauses. “I’d like you to meet her one day.”

“Are you sure?” Dean asks. “I completely understand if you want to keep that relationship between you and her. That’s okay.”

Cas shakes his head. “I’m sure. She’s already asking about you.”

Dean chuckles, then frowns, thinking. “Cas? What if…she tells you not to continue with our relationship?”

“Why would she do that?” Cas frowns.

“Well, it’s…complicated. A lot of people who don’t have experience with D/s relationships think that they’re…unhealthy, or abusive. That it’s about…demeaning you in some way.”

Cas smiles, kissing his cheek. “She doesn’t think that, Dean. She’s…different than most people. That’s why I decided to talk to her. And even if she did think that, I wouldn’t listen. I know the truth. You don’t abuse me or make me feel like less than you, and you’re nearly fanatical about my well-being. Regardless of what anyone says, this is my choice.”

Dean nods, relieved, and hugs him tightly. “Okay. And I’d love to meet her one day. You should come by the garage one day and meet Bobby.”

“Now that makes me nervous,” Cas chuckles. “Though I do suppose I have a couple of things to thank him for. Charlie will be thrilled. She’s been bothering me about meeting you since I mentioned you in an email.”

Dean chuckles, pouring them each another glass of wine. “I can’t wait.” In another hour, Cas is fast asleep against Dean’s shoulder. Dean chuckles, carefully picking him up and carrying him to the bedroom. He sets him down gently, trying not to disturb him as he unbuttons the white dress shirt and removes his shoes and socks. Leaning him against his own chest, he carefully pulls the undershirt over his head. Cas grumbles, insistently pressing closer and making him laugh. “Baby? You awake?”

“Hmm?” he answers sleepily.

“Have you been awake this whole time?” he chuckles, quickly undoing the buckle of his belt. Cas gives him a sleepy grin, kicking his pants the rest of the way off and then tugging at Dean’s shirt, whining irritably. “I know, I know,” Dean laughs. “It’s coming off.” He watches Dean strip, grinning cheekily as he slips his own boxers off. Dean rolls his eyes playfully. “You must be really exhausted.” He tries to climb into bed, but Cas stops him, whining again and tugging at his underwear. “Really? You want me to sleep naked too?” Cas just smiles, planting soft kisses above the waistband. He looks up at Dean questioningly, waiting for his nod before sliding them down and dropping them to the floor beside Cas’. “Happy now?” he asks.

He climbs into bed, and Cas climbs over him, capturing Dean’s lips in a slow, sweet kiss. Dean’s hands run down Cas’ sides, brushing lightly over the swell of his ass and squeezing lightly until Cas settles on top of him, his hips dropping as he relaxes against Dean’s chest, legs spread so that his knees rest outside Dean’s thighs. Cas sighs softly at the feeling of Dean’s skin pressed against his. “Is that really a comfortable position?” Dean chuckles. Cas just nods sleepily, pressing a soft kiss above his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really pleased with this one! I love all of your comments so much, so if you enjoyed it too let me know!
> 
> Love,  
> TheSongSmith


	5. Domesticity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovelies! So sorry about the wait for this chapter; I've been working on NaNoWriMo (and failing at it...), which means I've been a little strapped for time. On the other hand, it means a new Destiel fic at the end of the month! Woohoo! Anyways, we're here to celebrate a milestone...
> 
> (Un)Leashed has officially passed 1000 HITS. WOAHHHHHHH.  
> Can you tell I'm a little excited? So Here's some plot and fluff (and a tiny bit of porn) to celebrate. Woohoo!

When Dean wakes up, Cas is in the same position, spread out on top of him. He can’t complain, really, because it gives him a fantastic view of everything. He smiles, lightly running his fingers over Cas’ skin, watching him stir. He lets one hand drift over his firm ass, teasing lightly at his entrance and chuckling as Cas moans in his sleep. Grinning, he reaches over to the nightstand to retrieve the bottle of lube, carefully coating his finger before returning to his light, teasing strokes. Cas remains asleep, moaning and sighing occasionally, only waking when Dean slowly presses into him, with a gasp followed closely by a loud moan, his hips pressing back against Dean’s finger. Dean chuckles, his free hand wrapping around his waist to steady him as he starts a gentle rhythm, more of a caress than a thrust. “Good morning gorgeous,” he murmurs.  
Cas pants softly against his chest. “Dean? What…I… _Oh_ …” he moans as Dean’s finger passes over his prostate again.  
“Shh, just relax,” he murmurs, pressing soft kisses along the side of his neck and shoulder. “How do you feel?”  
“I… _ahh_ …good…” he groans, clenching around the intrusion as it rubs over the sensitive spot. He pants and moans louder, hips rocking in pursuit of sensation. “Dean, I… _fuck_ …gonna cum!” he chokes out just a moment before his back arches and his mouth drops open in a silent cry. It takes a moment before he goes limp against Dean’s chest, and another after that for his body to release his finger. He gives a soft moan as Dean cleans him up gently. When he’s caught his breath he looks up. “What did I do to deserve that?”  
Dean chuckles. “You fell asleep with that beautiful body of yours all spread out for me. I had to seize the moment.”  
Cas laugh softly, planting light kisses over his chest. “Well, I can say that’s definitely the best way I’ve ever been woken up. I’m going to have to sleep like that more often.”

 

* * *

 

On Saturday afternoon, Dean walks to Cas’ apartment to keep him company while he works on his latest paper. When he arrives the door has been left open for him, and he enters to find Cas and his laptop sitting on the floor in front of the couch and surrounded by stacks of books and papers. He’s so involved in his work that he doesn’t look up until Dean runs a hand affectionately through his hair, which is messier than usual and getting worse by the minute as Cas tugs at it. Cas startles, looking up at him. He has the distinct impression something was said, but he doesn’t have the faintest idea what it was. “Sorry,” he says sheepishly, “What was that?”

“I just said hi,” Dean chuckles, leaning down to kiss him. “I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

“No, it’s fine,” Cas smiles. “It’s been a while since I’ve taken a break anyway. I’m glad you’re here. There’s food in the kitchen if you’re hungry.”

Dean wanders off to see what he’s talking about. “Did you eat today?” he calls from the kitchen.

“I had coffee this morning.”

He nearly rolls his eyes. “Coffee isn’t food, and you know it. It’s three o’clock already. Am I going to have to start coming over more often and feeding you myself?”

He smiles at Cas’ low chuckle. “I wouldn’t be particularly opposed to that plan.”

Dean quickly makes two sandwiches, waiting until Cas meets his gaze before setting one in front of him with a silent command to eat it. Cas smiles and gives a short nod, setting his laptop aside for a few minutes as Dean settles himself on the couch. “So how’s it going so far?” he asks, watching with amusement as Cas wolfs down his sandwich.

“It’s alright,” he shrugs. “I still have a long way to go, but I’ve gotten a lot done so far. How was breakfast with Sam?”

“Good,” Dean smiles. “He’s all excited about some lawyer thing. I don’t really get it, but he seems happy. I think he’s seeing someone.”

Cas chuckles. “Really? One of his secretaries or something?”

“I dunno,” Dean muses. “He won’t tell me. Just getting that vibe. As long as he’s happy. I stopped by Bobby’s on my way over. Ellen was there. She says hi and that she thinks I should bring you around more often. If that’s not a stamp of approval, I don’t know what is.”

“Wow, I feel accomplished,” Cas laughs. “Have Bobby and Ellen ever been together?”

Dean shakes his head. “Nah. I think they just got used to being close. They’ve always been friends, and they both did a lot to raise Sammy and I. Ellen lost her husband around the same time Bobby lost his wife, so they just kinda look out for each other now. We’ve tried, but they’re both so stubborn.”

“Well I certainly see where you get it from,” Cas teases lightly. “Thanks for the sandwich, by the way. I guess I was hungrier than I thought.”

“Back to work?” Dean asks as he picks up both plates. Cas nods, and he kisses his cheek softly before going to clean up from lunch. When he returns he sits down on the couch again, smiling when Cas unconsciously shifts closer. “Is it gonna disturb you if I turn the TV on?”

“Hmm? No. Go ahead,” he murmurs, flipping through a book. Dean reaches for the remote, making sure the volume is low before finding a football game on TV. He strokes absently through Cas’ hair as he watches, listening to the soft clicks of the keyboard. He tries to stay quiet and unobtrusive, but towards the end of the game it becomes much harder. When his team pulls ahead in the final few minutes he jumps up and cheers. Suddenly he remembers where he is, and he turns to apologize only to find Cas in a hysterical fit of giggles. “I’m sorry,” he chokes out. “I just wasn’t expecting…” he’s laughing too hard to finish, and soon Dean is laughing too.

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you.”

Cas shakes his head. “No, it’s okay. I should probably pack it in for the night anyway. If I stare at this any longer my eyes might just burn out of their sockets.”

Dean chuckles. “Well let’s get you a break then. I’m sort of fond of your eyes being in your head.”

Cas sighs, curling up next to him on the couch. “Sorry I’m not much fun today. I’ll be so happy when I submit this paper.”

“Baby, it’s fine. I don’t mind. Why don’t you go get comfy? I’ll order pizza and find something for us to watch.”

Cas smiles. “You’re the best. I love you.” Cas changes into sweatpants and the sweatshirt that smells like Dean before cuddling up on the couch again. Dean’s hand slips under his jaw, pulling it up to kiss him softly. They break apart only when the doorbell rings. Dean gets up to answer it, expecting pizza, but instead it opens to show a distraught-looking Gabriel, who frowns in confusion. Cas looks up, puzzled. “Gabriel? What are you doing here?”

“The better question is why you don’t answer your phone!” he says irritably as he stalks into the apartment. “I take it you haven’t seen your mail yet.”

Cas shakes his head as Dean returns to his side, an arm settling protectively around his shoulders. “I’ve been busy. What’s wrong?” Rather than answer, Gabriel just holds up a piece of cardstock with fancy writing across it. “A wedding invitation?” Cas asks.

“Looks like Luci is getting married. I’m sure you have one too, just because Michael called me earlier. He basically mandated our presence and said that if we couldn’t find “proper” dates he could provide them for us.”

Cas frowns at the invitation, handing it back. “I stopped taking orders from our family when they turned their backs on me. I have no obligation to them.”

“Cas, dude, I know, but think about this. Michael sent these for a reason. We may not have a choice but to play nice.”

His frown deepens, and Dean looks between them for a moment. “Hold on, I’m confused. Why wouldn’t you have a choice? You don’t have to go to a stupid wedding if you don’t want to.”

“When our father died, Michael, as the oldest, took over his position in the family business,” Cas explains carefully. “I told you my family was powerful. Should he choose, Michael has the power to make our lives hell. I strongly suspect that he’s doing this as some sort of PR stunt to improve his reputation. If we don’t comply with his wishes, he could ruin the quiet lives we created for ourselves.”

“So basically, your brother is being a douche,” Dean clarifies. “Well, that sucks.”

“Indeed it does,” Cas sighs. “I don’t see why he needs me to come. Everyone has been extraordinarily happy to forget that I’d ever existed.”

“Look, I don’t know what his game is,” Gabriel says. “But I’m thinking we’re going to have to play along for now.”

Dean thinks for a moment. “His exact words were ‘proper dates’?” he asks.

“To the letter, Dean-o,” Gabriel grins. “You look like you have an idea.”

Slowly, a grin takes over Dean’s face. “Well, I don’t like to brag, but I look really good in a suit…If this is a publicity stunt, he couldn’t say anything, and technically he never said your date had to be female. I can be proper. How’d you like to piss off your family, Cas?”

Cas laughs. “Are you saying you’d subject yourself to my family to be my date?”

“For the chance to see their faces when I give you a big, sloppy kiss right under their snotty noses? Of course I would!”

Gabriel snorts. “Now that’s true love right there. You sure you know what you’re getting yourself into?”

“I’m sure,” Dean grins. “Spending those assholes’ money and offending their delicate sensibilities sounds like exactly something I want to do. If you’ll have me, of course.”

Cas chuckles. “It would be my honor.” He sighs. “Is Anna coming at least?”

“I’m sure she is,” Gabe answers. “She’s not stupid. Shall I RSVP the both of us?”

“Fine,” Cas grumbles. “But I won’t be happy about it.” Dean whispers hotel sex into his ear, and he has to fight to keep from grinning. The doorbell rings again, and this time it is the pizza.

“Aww, did I interrupt date night?” Gabe asks.

“You did. Now, if you could kindly uninterrupted it…”

“Sure, sure,” he laughs. “You two have your kinky pizza sex. I’ll see you later.”

Cas rolls his eyes as Gabriel closes the door behind him. “Do you see what I have to deal with?” Dean just chuckles, grabbing plates from the cabinet and sitting down on the couch again. “You know, speaking of kinky sex, how did you end up into all this?” Cas asks curiously.

“It’s kind of a long story,” he explains. “I was what you might call a troubled teen. And after everything with my dad I was so angry all the time. I hated him, and myself, and I just didn’t how to let go of it, you know? I started sneaking into bars, and I’d get drunk and start picking fights and stuff just to get some of it out. Even Bobby’s patience was wearing thin when I came home torn apart at three in the morning all the time. Anyway, one day they opened a new bar in a shitty part of downtown, so, naturally, I went to check it out. Got the shit kicked out of me in the alley behind the place. I was sitting there, bleeding, trying to figure out how I was going to explain this one, and this guy was just standing there watching me. I said something nasty to him, and he laughed. Told me if I was so desperate to get my ass kicked I should at least do it with someone who respected me. I didn’t have a clue what he meant, and he was just staring at me. And then he grabbed me by the arm and pulled me to my feet and told me to come with him. So I did.”

Cas makes a small, disapproving sound, and Dean chuckles.

“I know, but it sounded better than going home, and I wasn’t big on self-preservation back then. I figured he probably just wanted me to blow him or something. Wouldn’t have been the first time, and sometimes I could forget for a little while. So we went down to his place, and he shoved me down to my knees and explained the situation to me. I was really angry, at first. I had a twisted idea of submission, another gift from my father, and I yelled at him and told him that I wasn’t going to be anybody’s bitch. He was so calm when he said that wasn’t what he was asking. He said he could help me get control of my life back, and that I didn’t have to be angry. That was what I wanted more than anything. But I still felt like it was weakness. So I left. He didn’t try to stop me. I thought about what he said a lot, but it was weeks before I went back.”

Cas squeezes his hand, having all but abandoned his pizza in favor of listening to the story. “What made you go back?”

  
“I almost tried to kill myself,” Dean admits quietly. “I started really thinking about it, and it terrified me. I knew I needed help, and he was the only one who offered to help me. So one morning I found my way back to his house. He was surprised to see me, after the way I’d left last time. When he let me in and asked me what was wrong I just fell to my knees and begged him to help me. I was almost hysterical. And he was calm as ever, just picked me up from the floor and sat me down on the couch and asked me what happened. Before I knew it I was telling him about my whole life, and my dad, and wanting to kill myself. I was such a mess, just crying and shaking and holding onto him. No one else had ever let me do that. He agreed to help me, and we spent a long time talking about it, like I did with you. He asked me why I didn’t go to therapy, but I just couldn’t. Bobby and Ellen tried to get me to go, but I refused. I know it wasn’t the healthiest choice, but I guess what we did was a way to make me let go without feeling stupid for it.”

Cas nods, stroking his thumb over the back of Dean’s knuckles. “Did he start that day?”

Dean nods. “Once I’d calmed down a little and we’d talked everything out he brought me downstairs to his playroom. Half of me thought I was crazy, and the other half wanted it so bad, to be enough for someone for once. We went through the basic stuff, and then he tied me down to a bench like the one I have inside. Not tight, but enough. He pulled a chair up next to me and rubbed my back a little while he explained that he was going to spank me until I was done, or until I asked him to stop. I didn’t quite know what he meant, but I wanted him to like me, so I just nodded. I remember screaming the first time his hand came down. Not in pain; it didn’t even really hurt. It was like it’d knocked something loose in me. I was terrified he’d be mad and ask me to leave, but he just rubbed gently along my spine and told me it was okay, that I could be as loud as I wanted. So I was. He knew I’d need an excuse to let all my anger and fear out, so he just kept at it while I screamed until my throat was raw. He just praised me softly the entire time, gently stroking over my skin with his free hand, letting me know he was there. He wasn’t going easy on me; it started to hurt after a couple of strokes, but it was a good pain, something I felt like I could manage for once, and it gave me something to focus on besides my own self-hatred. When I couldn’t scream any more I started sobbing, and he untied me and held me in his lap and let me cry on him. He was so patient, just reassuring me and telling me how good I was. It must have been at least an hour before I started to calm down, and he carried me upstairs and cleaned me up and let me hold onto him for a while. It was the safest I’d felt in such a long time. I was completely exhausted by the end of it, but it felt so good to be free of that.”

“I’ll bet,” Cas murmurs. “You must have dropped hard after that.”

“Oh yeah,” Dean chuckles. “I had some pretty hard drops for a while. Let’s just say I did a lot of crying in that apartment. He was endlessly patient with me and my outbursts. I continued as his for a long time. It sounds stupid, but he really did change my life. He knew how much I hated to think positively about myself, so he used our sessions to trick me into taking care of myself without me undermining it. I stopped drinking and picking fights, cleaned up my act, got my GED. I started eating better and working at the garage. He put me back together by taking me apart. And somewhere in there, I learned to accept who I was. That’s a whole different story,” he chuckles.

Cas smiles. “I hope you’ll tell it to me one day.”

“Yeah, sure. Anyway, once I had my life under control, he started teaching me. He said he thought I could do a lot of good in other people’s lives, and it helped me learn to trust myself. It might have been unorthodox, but it’s the best goddamn therapy I’ve ever found. I’m so thankful for it. I was so far down a dark path I couldn’t even see the light anymore, and he pulled me back out. He’s still probably my closest friend. We get together every once in a while.”

“I’d like to meet him one day,” Cas murmurs. “I’d like to thank him for saving your life.” He pauses, thinking. “Do you still sub for him?”

Dean flushes a little. “Well, I…I haven’t in a while, but…sometimes when I get overwhelmed it helps me settle. He knows me better than anyone.” He looks up cautiously, embarrassed.

Cas chuckles. “It’s alright, I understand. Was your relationship ever romantic?”

“No!” Dean says quickly. “No, it’s not…I mean we…but…”

“Relax, Dean,” Cas murmurs, laughing softly. “I’m not upset or anything. I’m just curious. It’s interesting.”

“Oh. Well, no. Our relationship was sexual, after a while, but not in a romantic way. It was more about control. We’re just close friends.” He pauses, biting his lip. “You know, if you didn’t want me to, I wouldn’t.”

Cas frowns. “Don’t be ridiculous, Dean. He’s like…your Charlie. You’d never ask me not to see her.”

“Well, you don’t have sex with her,” he points out.

“That’s true. We can work it out if it comes to that. Don’t worry, alright?”

Dean nods, relieved, and leans over to kiss him softly. “Thank you.”

Once dinner is cleaned up they curl up on the couch, and Dean captures Cas’ lips in a slow kiss. Cas sighs against his lips, pressing closer. “What’s that for?” he asks when he pulls away.

“Just for being you. I sort of like you a little.”

Cas laughs at his grin. “Funny. I was just thinking the same thing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are seriously awesome and I love you so much. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your support. Remember to review if you like!
> 
> Love,  
> TheSongSmith


	6. Discomposure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I take a break from NaNoWriMo writing, here's a nice long one for ya!

Cas watches Dean adjust his tie in the mirror for the millionth time. “Why are you freaking out about this?” he asks. “It’s only lunch.”

“But it’s with Charlie,” Dean insists. “She means a lot to you. I want her to like me.”

“She’s going to love you,” Cas chuckles. “She already loves you. Relax. If you want to make an impression, being late probably isn’t the best way to go.”

Dean nods reluctantly, casting his tie one last glare before grabbing the keys to the Impala and driving to the café. He fidgets nervously with the steering wheel, tapping on it until Cas has to reach over and stop him. “Dean, take a breath.”

“Right, right. Sorry.” He squeezes Cas’ hand hard as they walk into the café, Cas quickly locating the shock of red hair.

“Cassie!” Charlie squeals hugging him tightly. “I missed you!”

Cas chuckles, hugging her back. “I missed you too. Charlie, this is…”

He only gets that far before Dean finds himself nearly lifted off the ground in an enthusiastic hug. “Dean! It’s so nice to meet you finally.”

Dean stiffens for a moment, then relaxes, hugging her back. “Nice to meet you too. Cas has told me a lot about you.”

They sit down, and Dean drapes an arm around Cas’ shoulders as they order. “I have to hand it to you, Dean,” Charlie says, grinning. “I’ve spent years trying to get Cas to be comfortable not controlling everything, and you manage to do it in a couple of hours. You know how much he likes control.”

Dean chuckles, glancing at Cas, wondering just how much Charlie already knows and how much he wants her to. He blushes, shrugging. “Yeah, well I think we may have slightly different methods.”

She laughs. “Well I’m glad you came around. He’s been a lot happier since he met you.”

“I’m glad too,” he answers, smiling as Cas shifts closer. “That’s all I want.” He glances down at her shirt, noticing the Death Star printed on it. “Star wars fan?”

Dean decides that he honestly likes Charlie, as odd as she may be. She gives him another tight hug before he leaves, and Cas chuckles. “Sorry about her. She’s kind of enthusiastic.”

“No, that’s okay. I like her. I wouldn’t think you’d like her, but I like her.”

Cas smiles. “I know. She’s…different. But I think that’s why I liked her so much. I’d never met anyone like her. The circles my family travelled in and the other students at the university were very…”

“Uptight?” Dean suggests. “Stuffy? No fun?”

Cas laughs. “Yeah, something like that. I hope you don’t mind that I told her about us.”

“No, you can tell her whatever you want,” Dean assures him. “I just didn’t want to say anything you didn’t want me to.”

Cas smiles, reaching for his hand across the center console. “Thank you. But with Charlie, it’s okay. She was thrilled when I told her. I was a little worried, but she was actually quite excited.”

“Of course she was,” Dean answers. “She knows how hard it was for you to trust me and give up control. She’s proud of you. And so am I.” He raises Cas’ hand to his lips and kisses his knuckles softly.

“I couldn’t have, if it wasn’t you. You’ve been so patient with me.”

Dean chuckles, parking back in front of Cas’ apartment building. “Well you’ll get to be the patient one when you get my ass on a plane tomorrow.”

 

* * *

  

Although Dean knew that going to the wedding was going to involve a plane, he hadn’t quite thought it through until he was seated next to Cas as the plane pulled away from the terminal. Though part of their agreement with Cas’ family was that they’d pay for first class plane tickets, Dean starts to feel closed in as he watches the airport disappear, the plane approaching the runway. He’s puzzled for a moment at Cas’ worried look, realizing that he’s started a low whimpering. He clears his throat, forcing it down. “Sorry.”

“Dean, have you ever…been on a plane?” Cas asks, trying to cover his amusement.

Dean grips the arms of his seat as the plane hits a bump in the asphalt. “Um. Once, when I was a kid. In the middle of a thunderstorm.”

Cas chuckles, carefully peeling his hand off the seat to grip it instead. “When you said you didn’t like flying, you left out the part of you having a phobia of it.”

“Yeah, I kinda didn’t realize until right now.” Cas leans to the other side to speak with a stewardess, but the blood is pounding too hard in Dean’s ears to hear what he says. “What was that?” he asks when he turns back.

“Well, the good thing about first class is you get alcohol. The first thing that stewardess is going to do once we’re in the air is bring you whiskey. Lots of it.”

Dean kisses him hard, which seems to take Cas by surprise. “You’re the best person ever.” A sudden horrible thought occurs to him, and he goes a little pale. Cas frowns at him, tilting his head curiously. “I’m going to have to make it through takeoff sober and not have a heart attack,” he mutters.

Cas laughs, then tries to cover it with a cough. “Hey, you’ll be fine. Just hold onto me, and it’ll be over before you know it.” Dean grumbles, but when the roar of the engines starts up and the plane starts to race forward he grabs onto Cas’ arm hard. Cas chuckles, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him close, humming a classic rock song that Dean likes to sing along to when he cooks. When his drink arrives he downs it quickly before returning to huddle against Cas’ side. “Don’t worry, Dean. I won’t let go.”

 

* * *

 

 Dean falls asleep somewhere around his third or fourth glass of whiskey, and Cas waits until the plane is safely on the ground to wake him up. He looks up groggily for a moment before jolting up in his seat. “What happened? Are we crashing?!”

“No,” Cas laughs. “We’re here.”

They find their luggage and make it to the hotel, Dean flopping down on the large bed in the center of the room. “It’s like a cloud!” he exclaims happily, still a little drunk. “Cas you gotta try this!”

Cas chuckles, picking up the small notecard on the nightstand. “It seems our presence is requested at a special dinner banquet tonight for wedding guests only. ‘Castiel and guest’” he reads off the card.

Dean pouts. “They didn’t even put my name on it?”

“Don’t worry, baby,” Cas laughs, kissing him softly. “We’re just waiting to make your big introduction, remember?”

“Oh. Yeah. Hey, where’s Gabriel? Betcha he’d be fun drunk.”

“Oh, you have no idea,” Cas grins. “But he’s not coming until tomorrow morning. Looks like we’ll have to face this one ourselves.”

Dean nods seriously. “What ‘re we facing again?” he asks after a moment.

“My family, love,” Cas reminds him.

“Right, right,” he says, waving his hand dismissively. “How long do we have before the ban…the…the dinner thing?”

Cas smiles, pulling back the covers and tucking them around Dean’s shoulders. “A couple of hours. You should try to rest. It’s probably best if you’re not already drunk when we get down there. You’ll want the privilege of getting properly sloshed after you meet them.”

Dean gives a whine, reaching out for him until he sighs, setting his alarm before climbing under the covers beside him. Dean snuggles up beside him, falling asleep almost instantly. Cas sighs, letting the mix of whiskey and laundry soap shepherd him into sleep.

 

* * *

  

On their way to the banquet, Cas pauses outside the elevator, grabbing Dean’s wrist. “Cas? You okay?” Dean asks.

He nods. “I just…are you sure you want to do this? They’re not going to be nice.”

Dean chuckles, kissing him softly. “Baby, I’m not expecting them to be. I’m not going to bail on you just because your family is a bunch of dicks. I’m right here.” Cas gives a small smile, nodding and stepping into the elevator. There’s a cocktail hour going on just outside the dining room, and people nod politely to the two of them as they move around the room. “Where’s the groom?” Dean asks.

“Probably waiting to make a grand entrance,” he snorts. He nods to another man. “Michael is doing his absolute best to ignore us.”

Another man turns towards them, catching Dean’s eye. He glances between him and Cas for a moment before frowning. “Is that one of your brothers?”

Cas follows his gaze, his hand tightening around Dean’s arm as the snotty-looking man starts to push through the crowd towards them, his face frozen into a hard expression. “I, uh…I forgot something in the room. Be right back.” He slips away through the crowd towards the elevators, so Dean walks over to the bar and order a drink, losing the stern man in the crowd.

When it’s been nearly twenty minutes he starts to get worried, and decides to make his way upstairs to check on him. Dean swipes his key card, opening the door to find a surprisingly empty room. He frowns, calling out for Cas, checking the bathroom and peeking in the closet before a small whimper catches his attention. He creeps slowly around the bed to find Cas on the floor, curled up where the bed meets the nightstand. He’s shaking all over, gasping for breath with wet tracks down his face. “Cas!” Dean reaches out for him, but he flinches away from his hand, whimpering again. He pulls back, frowning. “Cas, can you hear me?” He doesn’t answer, just curls up tighter and sobs, and something in Dean’s chest tightens as he looks around for anything that might help. He spots Cas’ phone on the table and grab for it, searching through the contacts quickly. “Alright baby, hang in there. I’m gonna get you some help, okay?”

He paces impatiently while it rings, relieved when the call goes through. “Hey Cassie!” Charlie greets.

“No, it’s me, Dean,” he rushes. “I need help. We’re at the wedding and Cas is freaking out big time. I don’t know what to do.”

“Ten-four,” she answers, her voice growing serious. “What’s the situation?”

“We were downstairs meeting his family, and one of his brothers started walking over to us. Really tall, snarky, kinda pompous. Cas said he forgot something in the room, so he went to go get it, and when he didn’t come back I went up to check on him. He’s all curled up in a corner freaking out, shaking like a leaf, and he can’t seem to hear me. I tried to touch him but he pulled away.”

She pauses for a minute thinking. “Probably Raphael,” she comments. “Alright. Does he sound like he’s breathing okay?”

He holds the phone out towards him so she can hear the wheezing and gasping for herself. “That’s a negative.”

“Okay. Worst case scenario he passes out from under-oxygenation. Not terrible, but not pleasant either, so let’s try to get him under control before that happens. I want you to sit down next to him. Keep some space between you and move slowly. You don’t want to scare him worse. Tell me if he reacts at all to that.”

Cautiously, Dean sinks to the floor, keeping six inches between them. Cas doesn’t move away, but he doesn’t move closer either. “I got nothing.”

“Alright. It sounds like he’s trying to dissociate a little to remove himself from the situation. You have to bring him back, but you have to be gentle with him and stay calm. If you freak out you’ll stress him out more.”

He nods, watching him worriedly. “Got it. Just tell me what to do.”

“Try talking to him. Tell him who you are and remind him that he’s safe. Anything you can think of that might get through to him. While you’re doing that, I want you to put your hand palm-down on the floor and slowly slide it closer to him. Don’t try to touch him. Let’s see if he’ll touch you first.”

Dean takes a deep breath to keep the shake out of his voice. “Okay Cas, it’s Dean. I know you’re scared, but you’re okay. I’m not going to let anything happen to you, remember? I can help, but I need you to hang in there for me, okay?” Cautiously, he slides his hand closer, watching him. It takes a minute, but finally Cas reaches out, squeezing his hand hard. Dean sighs in relief, squeezing it back. “Charlie? He took my hand.”

“Awesome!” she answers. “That’s a good sign. He feels safe with you, so let’s see if he’ll let you hold him. Move slow, and if he pulls away back off.”

He puts the phone down for a minute, slowly scooting closer. “Alright baby, I’m here. I gotcha. Come here.” Slowly, he coaxes Cas into his lap, thankful when he goes willingly. Once he’s close enough he grabs onto Dean, burying his face against his neck as he sobs. Dean holds him tightly, picking the phone up again. “Step two: complete. What else ya got for me?”

“Okay, you gotta get him to slow down his breathing. I want you to count out some breaths for him. In for four beats and out for four beats.”

She does a quick count to four to show him the proper speed, and he rubs his back gently as he talks. “Alright Cas, you’re okay. I’m here. Now, I need you to breathe for me, okay? We’re going to do it together. In for four and out for four like Charlie taught you.” He starts counting, keeping the pace even as Cas’ breaths start to fall into the rhythm and his sobs fade into little whimpers. Dean leans down to kiss his temple softly in between numbers as he slowly comes back, his shaking growing less violent. “Charlie? He’s breathing easier and responding a little more.”

“Great. Can I talk to him?”

He holds the phone away from my ear. “Baby, Charlie’s on the phone. You want to talk to her?” Cas thinks for a moment before nodding, taking the phone and rearranging himself so that his head is tucked under Dean’s chin.

“Charlie?” he whispers. Dean rubs his back lightly, kissing the top of his head as he listens to her for a while. “Yeah, I’m alright. It was just…worse than I expected. I understand.” He sighs softly. “Okay. Thanks.”

He glances up, handing the phone back before settling back against Dean’s chest. “Hey Charlie.”

“Mission accomplished,” she says happily. “Good job, Dean. He’ll be okay. I want you to try to stick close for a little while. If I know Cas, he’s going to try to push you away. He thinks he’s doing it for your sake, because he feels like a burden when this happens, but he really needs the support, even if he acts like he doesn’t want it. I know you love him. You can’t let him do that.”

“I would never. Thank you so much for your help.”

“Any time,” she answers. “Call me if you need anything else.” He hangs up the phone, setting it down on the nightstand and holding Cas close for a few minutes until he starts to pull away. “You doing okay?” he asks softly, gently wiping the wet trails off his face.

Cas sniffs, nodding and shakily standing up. “Yeah, I’m fine. Thank you. I’m really sorry.”

He frowns, catching his hand before he walks off. “Whoa, Cas, stop. Baby, there’s nothing to be sorry for. He refuses to look up, so Dean lifts his chin gently until he does. “You know this doesn’t change anything. I love you.”

He shakes his head, swallowing hard. “I’m broken, Dean. You deserve more than that. You deserve someone as perfect as you.”

Dean sighs, resting his forehead against Cas’. “I’m nowhere near perfect, Cas. You know that. And you’re not broken. Honestly Cas, you’re one of the absolutely strongest people I’ve ever met. Looking back at everything, it’s incredible that you got healthy, and you had to do it on your own. Baby, you’re amazing. You have to understand that.”

He sighs, starting to cry again, but not hysterically. “I love you, Dean. I’m sorry for freaking out.”

“I love you too,” he murmurs, kissing him softly. “You don’t have to be sorry.” He pulls Cas down to the bed with him, keeping him close. “Can we talk about what happened a little?”

Cas sniffs, nodding. “I thought I could handle it,” he murmurs. “But I just saw him, and…I don’t know. Everything came back. Raphael is the oldest of my brothers. He was possibly the cruelest when I was cut off. Seeing him again just shocked me. I thought I’d gotten past this.”

“You did, baby. It just caught you off guard. It’s okay.” He sighs, pressing closer. “Do you want me to find us a flight home?”

Cas looks at him like he’s crazy. “No. I want to do this. I have to. I can’t let it rule my life anymore.”

Dean nods, kissing him softly. “Alright then. We can try again tomorrow, and if it’s too much you just let me know and I’ll take you back upstairs. Let’s take it easy tonight. Hey, all the hotel bills are covered by your family, right?”

He nods. “Of course. Why?”

He grins. “You want to order room service?”

Slowly, Cas smiles. “Sounds like a plan. And then _someone_ promised me hotel sex.”

 

* * *

  

Dean is just cleaning up from dinner when he finds himself suddenly pinned against the wall. He chuckles, looking at the blue eyes that are rapidly darkening. “Does me cleaning get you all hot and bothered, Cas?” He teases. Cas smirks, kissing him hard to shut him up, not that he’s complaining. It’s a side of him Dean’s never seen before, and it’s hot as fuck. “Want you, Dean,” he mutters before going back to biting at his neck.

Dean groans, panting softly. “Tell me what you want baby…”

“Wanna fuck you,” he growls, almost possessive in the way his hips rock into Dean. He can’t help the gasp that escapes him, a little jolt of surprise, and it seems to make Cas realize what he’s said. “Sorry…I mean…”

Dean shakes his head, kissing him hard. “Fuck me, Cas…Need you…”

His response is something close to a snarl, his nails digging into Dean’s back for a moment before dragging down to shove at the waistband of his sweatpants. He’s intensely thankful that he didn’t put underwear back on when he changed, and Cas’ hands squeeze and knead at his ass. “What do you need?” he smirks.

Dean’s answer comes out as a whimper. “Fuck baby…need to feel you… need your cock in my ass…please!”

He growls again at the plea and shoves him towards the bed, quickly removing his own clothes. Dean instinctively falls to my hands and knees, hearing Cas’ low chuckle behind him.

“Eager, are we Dean?” he laughs. Dean just moans in response, arching his back further. He sighs as he feels Cas’ fingers kneading along his thighs and ass before he spreads his cheeks, and an intensely pleasurable sensation takes over as Cas’ tongue moves over him, prodding and teasing gently.

“Fuck!” he chokes out, fists clenching in the sheets. “Cas…baby, please…”

“Please what?” Cas nearly purrs, his mouth slipping lower to lave and suck at his balls.

Dean whimpers again, a shudder running through him. “Please…Take me, baby…want you…”

Cas pushes at his hip until he turn over, leaning forward to kiss him again. “You’re sure?” he asks, softer. “I’ve never really…”

Dean grins, pressing his hard cock into Cas’ stomach. “Does that feel like I’m unsure? If you don’t hurry up and get to it I’m going to pin you down and do it myself.”

Cas laughs, rummaging for the small bottle of lube. “Point taken.” He sits back on his heels, one hand lightly stroking Dean’s cock as the other prods at his entrance. Though hesitant, after a few minutes he carefully pushes in to the first knuckle, stopping when Dean’s body clenches around the intrusion. He looks up worriedly.

“S’okay,” he pants. “Just give it a minute.” He seems to relax a little at that, his head dipping to wrap his lips around Dean’s shaft, moaning softly as he sucks while he waits. Dean groans, one hand finding its way into his hair as he gradually relaxes.

Slowly, Cas pushes further, moaning as he allows himself to appreciate the tight heat. He watches, fascinated as he slowly moves in and out. “Dean…” he groans, “God, you’re so sexy…”

Dean makes a disgruntled sound, squirming under him. “You’re gonna drive me crazy. More…please…”

Cas chuckles, watching his face as he slowly slides a second finger in beside the first. Dean whimpers, throwing his head back as his body stretches to accommodate it. “Demanding, aren’t you?” he teases, slowly stretching his fingers wider. “You just can’t wait to have my cock buried inside you, can you? Look at how well you take my fingers. So eager…” He brushes over something inside him that makes broken, stuttered sounds fall from his lips, and he rubs at it for a moment just to watch Dean squirm. Getting bolder, he adds a third finger slightly before Dean is ready for it, chuckling at the hiss that answers. He watches Dean’s thighs start to tremble as he pants hard.

“Cas…fuck! Need your cock… _ahh_ …Now!” he growls out. Cas nods, stroking over his prostate absently while he searches around for a condom. Dean grabs his wrist. “No…just…please…” His words break off in a harsh pant, but Cas understands anyway.

Dean whines as Cas pulls his fingers free. He carefully coats himself with lube, lining up at Dean’s entrance before leaning over him, kissing him hard as he pushes through. Dean whimpers loudly, his fingers clawing at Cas’ back as his body slowly yields to the pressure. He gasps sharply when the head passes through the resistance, squeezing his eyes shut, and Cas freezes, looking down at him. “Dean? Look at me.” Dean takes a breath, his eyes wide with shock as he slowly looks up. “You okay?” Cas as worriedly.

Suddenly, Dean laughs, nodding. “You planning on putting the rest of it in, or just leaving it there?”

Cas chuckles, slowly pushing forward again, watching his face intently as he groans. “So fucking tight,” he growls out, panting as he bottoms out.

Dean moans back, clenching around his length. “Wherever that mouth came from, I hope it comes around more often. Move, dammit!”

Cas grins, leaning up to kiss behind his ear. “You feel that?” he murmurs, rolling his hips slowly. “Feel how nice my cock fills you up? You love it, don’t you?” Dean’s answer is mostly broken whimpers, affirmations, and pleas. He squirms, trying to get some leverage to move his hips, but pinned under Cas’ weight his efforts are futile, and he starts going pink from the tips of his ears down his chest. “What’s the matter, Dean?” Cas chuckles, teasing his teeth along his neck. “Something I can do for you?”

Dean whimpers loudly, knowing Cas wants him to beg for it but unable to make his mouth form coherent words. Finally he manages to take a breath. “Fuck me, Cas!” he chokes out finally. “Please baby…’m gonna explode…need you to fuck me hard…”

 Cas gasps, his eyes fluttering closed for a moment as he struggles to keep from coming right then. When he has himself mostly under control he slowly pulls almost all the way out before slamming back in hard. They cry out together, and soon Cas’ hips are moving at a punishing pace, a jumble of curses and animalistic noises and cries of pleasure tumbling from his lips. Dean clenches around him hard, his whole body vibrating with the force of his pleasure. He reaches down, grasping Dean’s cock and stroking erratically as his hips fall out of rhythm, moaning at the ecstasy on Dean’s face as he cums hard, shouting Cas’ name. Cas slams into him once more, losing himself to the heat and the fluttering of Dean’s body around him, and he nearly blacks out for a moment before collapsing against Dean’s chest. Dean gives a slight grunt at the weight, but doesn’t seem to mind. Once Cas can see straight again, he looks up, watching with fascination as Dean slowly comes back to consciousness. He laughs, slightly hysterical, and kisses him softly. Grinning, he licks a spot of cum off Dean’s jaw when it landed, and Dean gives a quiet moan. He strokes Dean’s cheek lightly until his eyes open. “Hello beautiful,” he whispers.

Dean chuckles breathlessly, his arms tightening around Cas’ back. “Goddammit Cas, you must’ve been a sex guru in a previous life. Or a porn star.”

Cas laughs, kissing him again. “So that was okay?”

Dean gives him a look like he might be crazy. “Were you there? Cause that was awesome. Where the fuck did that come from?”

“I don’t know,” he pants softly. “I was just thinking about my family and everything, and how good you were for taking care of me, and I just needed you right then. I wasn’t sure if you’d be okay with…you know…”

“Oh, no, I’m very much okay with it,” Dean chuckles. “God, you’re perfect. You set the bar pretty high. I’m going to have to live up to that when I do it with you.”

Cas smiles, sighing softly. “About that…why haven’t we done that yet?”

 Dean shrugs. “I just want to be sure you’re ready first. It’s…a lot to ask of someone, especially since you’ve never done it before, and I promised we would take it slow. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.”

Cas nods thoughtfully. “I trust you, Dean. And I’ve gotten a lot more…well acquainted with that part of my body now, thanks to you. I’m not so scared of it anymore. I think I’m ready to try.”

Dean nods, kissing his forehead softly. “Okay. Soon, then.” Cas shifts, and Dean makes a strangled sound. Cas raises an eyebrow at him, perplexed. “Sorry. Kind of…still a little sensitive…”

Cas glances down to where they’re still connected. “Oh. Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He sighs, running his fingers lightly along Cas’ spine. “As much as I’d like to lie here with you forever, we’re both going to be really gross if we don’t get cleaned up soon.”

Cas grins. “The bathtub has a Jacuzzi function.”

“Well what are we still doing here, then?” Dean chuckles. He sighs as Cas carefully separates himself, groaning as he slowly pulls himself up from the bed. “You ever been on a horse, Cas?” he chuckles. Cas shakes his head. “You sure? ‘Cause you ride like a fucking professional.”

Cas laughs, blushing as he starts the water. “I didn’t hurt you, did I? I might have gotten slightly carried away.”

Dean shakes his head. “Of course not. Well, yes, but in all the ways that I wanted. Just think of it this way: Your family’s gonna be pissed when I’m walking funny tomorrow.”

Cas snorts, sighing as he settles into the hot water, the tub big enough for him to sit against Dean’s side. Dean wraps an arm around him, and Cas is privately pleased to see a slight tremble still in the fingers. He leans up, kissing Dean’s cheek softly. “Hey Dean? Thank you, for earlier. I know it’s not the easiest job.”

“I don’t mind much,” Dean answers, hugging him closer. “We’ve all been there. Plus, it’s really not a bad deal if I get sex like that after.” Cas laughs. “Really though, you doing okay?”

He nods, resting his head against Dean’s shoulder. “Yeah. Actually, I think that was exactly what I needed.”

Dean chuckles. “Now that’s a kind of treatment I could get used to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo! Please remember to review if you enjoy! It makes me happy :D 
> 
> Love,  
> TheSongSmith


	7. Dinner and a Show

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovelies! I'm back! So sorry for the little hiatus, but the good news is new chapters are on their way as well as a brand new Destiel story! Woo!

“Are you sure you want to do this, Cas?” Dean asks, straightening his tie.

Cas nods, sighing softly and checking himself in the mirror again. “I’m sure. I have to face them sooner or later, and if we don’t go to the rehearsal dinner they’ll come looking for us. Besides, at least Gabriel and Anna should be here by now.”

Dean nods, groaning as he slowly stands up, and Cas stifles a chuckle. “Alright. Remember, if you get overwhelmed again let me know and we’ll leave.” He leans in to kiss him softly, then offers his arm. Cas smiles, putting his arm through Dean’s and heading downstairs.

Party guests and people with cameras mill about in the dining room before the dinner begins, and Cas’ hand tightens on Dean’s arm as Raphael spots them, starting to walk over. Dean looks over at him questioningly, and he nods, taking a deep breath and forcing his shoulders back. “Castiel,” the other man greets. Dean snaps to attention at the bitter note in his voice, drawing Cas closer. “It’s been a long time, brother.”

“It has, though I think we both know whose fault that is.”

Dean has to stifle a chuckle at that, and Raphael turns to eye him critically. He refuses to cow under the harsh gaze, meeting it challengingly. “Who is your…friend?” he asks finally.

Cas raises his chin, a little bit defiant. “This is Dean. He’s my boyfriend.” He smirks, seeing a few of the press covering the wedding gathering around them. “That isn’t going to be a problem, is it?”

Raphael frowns, but his expression remains smooth for the cameras. “Of course not.” He turns to glare at Dean. “We are delighted that you could share in this special occasion with us. A pleasure.” He reluctantly offers his hand, which Dean squeezes maybe a little too tightly.

“The pleasure is mine,” he answers smoothly. “Cas has told me a lot about you.” It comes out pleasantly enough, but he knows that Raphael understands.

“Well, I hope you’ll enjoy dinner. If you’ll excuse me, I have some things I need to attend to.” He gives a curt little nod in their direction before stalking off, the cameras trailing behind him.

Dean watches him leave before turning to look at Cas. “You okay?”

He nods, chuckling a little. “Yeah, actually that was kind of fun. He’s livid, and he can’t do a thing about it. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. Thanks.”

Dean smiles, kissing his cheek softly. “I’m glad. He’s not going to come after you later for this, right?”

Cas shakes his head. “Now that the press knows I’m here? His hands are tied. Anything he could try to do to destroy my life would immediately end up in the papers and he knows it. He’s not stupid enough to risk his precious image. Come on, let’s go see if we can find Gabriel.”

They wander through the crowd for a while until Cas tugs at Dean’s elbow, leading him over to the bar where Gabriel already has a drink in his hand. He’s sitting beside a red-haired woman who smiles when she sees them. “Castiel! It’s so good to see you.”

Cas smiles, hugging her lightly. “It’s been too long. Anna, this is Dean.”

He gives a small smile as her eyes flick to him curiously. “Ah, so that’s the guy Gabriel’s been telling me about? It’s nice to put a face to the name. Nice to meet you, Dean. I’ve heard you’re doing some wonderful things for my brother.”

Dean shrugs, wrapping an arm around Cas’ shoulders. “He’s doing some pretty great things for me too. It’s good to meet you too. You’re certainly a step up from Raphael back there.”

She laughs. “I can imagine.”

Gabriel grins at them. “Well, I see he hasn’t had a complete conniption yet. Hopefully we can change that.”

“Speaking of, where’s your date?” Cas asks curiously.

Gabriel just smirks. “Oh, he’ll be here in just a minute.”

Dean frowns, looking at Cas questioningly. “You never told me Gabriel was gay.”

He shrugs. “He dabbles. In the past few years I’ve only seen him with women, but perhaps he figured bringing a man would infuriate our brothers more.”

“Or maybe I just like him,” Gabriel protests. “I have feelings too.” He looks over Dean’s shoulder, grinning. “There he is now.”

They turn to look, and Dean freezes at what he sees. Cas frowns, nudging him lightly. “Dean?”

The tall man doesn’t seem to notice them at first, but when he notices Dean he does a double take. “Dean?”

Dean looks between the two of them for a moment, completely stunned. Finally, he manages to force something out of his mouth. “Sammy?”

Sam starts turning red, and Gabriel just smirks, sipping at his drink while the brothers stare at each other. Slowly, the pieces start to come together. “Sam your brother?” Cas asks quietly.

Dean ignores the question, glaring at Gabriel. “Why would you take my brother to this thing?”

Gabriel frowns at him. “I told you, I like him. He’s my date, Dean-o.”

“Well,” Anna interrupts, “This just got awkward. I’m going to go find our table and let you four hash this out. Good luck.”

“So a few weeks ago when you were all happy about someone you’re seeing, it was…him?” Dean demands.

Sam blushes, shrugging. “Look, I wanted to tell you, but I wanted to be sure about it first. Is that so bad?”

Dean looks at him for a minute, letting out a long sigh. “When were you going to tell me you’re gay?”

“I’m not, you dick,” Sam answers petulantly. “I’m bisexual. And it wasn’t exactly a topic of conversation I was comfortable with, alright? But yes, I’m dating Gabriel. So, can you let this go? Please?”

Dean sighs, considering it for a minute before turning to Gabriel. “If you hurt my brother, I swear they will never find your body.”

A laugh escapes Cas, and Sam relaxes, chuckling. Gabriel smiles, glancing up at Sam for a minute. “I’m not planning on it. I promise.”

Dean gives a short nod and drops the subject, and the four of them find their table, thankful that the only other occupant is Anna and her date, a young man named Balthazar who appears to already be smashed. The six of them suffer through long-winded speeches together, and Dean watches as Cas slowly relaxes, laughing as Gabriel orders drinks with the dirtiest names he can think of to make the waiters flustered. Their table is pushed back into a corner, which means he’s only caught glimpses of the couple, but no one seems to mind the distance so much. After a while Cas excuses himself, tugging at Dean’s hand until he follows. “Everything okay?” he murmurs once they’re in the hallway.

Cas take s a deep breath, nodding. “Yeah, fine. I just…didn’t want to accidentally run into anyone alone.”

Dean nods, following him into the bathroom and fixing his tie in the mirror while he waits. “So, interesting family you’ve got there.”

Cas snorts. “If you say so. I’ve never been much for large social gatherings. At least they’re leaving us alone for the most part.”

Someone comes out of the stall behind Dean while Cas is washing his hands, and he glances up into the mirror, freezing. “Not entirely, I’m afraid,” the man remarks, smirking.

Cas turns, straightening up. “Lucifer. Congratulations.”

“Thank you, Castiel. It’s good to see you again. It’s such a shame, the way things happened.”

“Yes, well, a lot of things are a shame,” he answers curtly. He looks over to Dean, who’s still staring at him in the mirror, nudging him lightly. “This is Dean.”

Lucifer smiles, offering his hand, and Dean has to clench his jaw and force himself to shake it. “It’s a pleasure,” Lucifer says smoothly. “Hey, do I know you from somewhere? You look so familiar…”

Dean swallows, shaking his head. “I think I’d remember someone like you,” he manages, his eyes narrowed.

Lucifer just smirks, nodding. “Well, if you boys will excuse me, I must be getting back to my bride.”

He gives them a short nod before walking out, and Dean’s eyes follow him out the door. Cas frowns at his tense posture. “Dean? You okay? What was that about?”

Dean shakes his head. “Nothing, I’m fine. Ready?” Rather than answer, Cas takes his hand, pulling him out of the bathroom and towards the elevators. “Cas? What are you doing?”

He doesn’t answer until he’s closed the door to the room behind them and pushed Dean down onto the bed, sitting down next to him. “Alright, really, what was that?”

Dean blushes, looking away. “It’s nothing, okay? Can we just forget about it?”

“No we can’t, because I know you better than that and you’re upset. Do you…know Lucifer?”

He sighs, rubbing at the back of his neck. “I guess you could say that.” He glances up, hoping that Cas will be satisfied with that, but Cas just waits. “Alright, you know how I told you about all the trouble I used to get in when I was younger? Well he was sort of…just one of those things.”

Cas frowns, thinking for a minute before he understands. “You…had sex with Lucifer?” he asks slowly.

“No! Well, I guess, maybe, technically, but I didn’t…It’s complicated. And he’s about as straight as a corkscrew, by the way.”

Cas takes a breath, sighing. “Alright. Tell me what happened.”

“It was a long time ago,” Dean mutters. “I went into a bar and he took an interest in me. I ended up going home with him. I was pretty naive back then; I didn’t think he would…anyway, he took it a little too far. I didn’t know what to do, so I just…It was only once, and I never saw him again, but…you never forget a face like that.” Cautiously, Dean glances up at him, surprised by the rage in Cas’ expression. “Cas, it’s okay…”

“No it’s not,” he growls. “It’s not anywhere close to okay.”

Dean sighs, gently threading their fingers together. “Okay, it’s not okay. But I’ve moved on. It just…caught me off guard, seeing him out of the blue like that. I’m okay. Please calm down.”

Cas takes a breath, squeezing his hand. “I’m so sorry, Dean.” He sighs, glancing around the room. “I guess we should start packing.”

Dean frowns. “Why? I thought you wanted to stay.”

“I’m not going to ask you to attend the wedding of your rapist, Dean,” he says matter-of-factly. “I’m not a monster.”

Dean cringes at the word, pulling him back down to the bed. “Cas, I’m okay. I want to stay. Maybe this will be good for both of us, you know? Facing our demons and all that?”

He sighs, watching him for a moment. “Are you sure?” Dean nods. “Fine. But if you change your mind…”

“I’ll let you know,” Dean finishes. “Now relax, okay?” He leans over, kissing him softly. “Come on, we should go back before they wonder where we are.”

When they step out of the elevator, Gabriel almost barrels into them. “There you are!” he practically shouts, several shades more drunk than before. “Raphie just left his post, so I’m gonna go make a toast before he gets back.”

He wanders off, and Cas glances up at him, chuckling. “Come on, we can’t miss that!”

By the time Raphael returns to wrench the microphone from Gabriel’s hand the five of them are doubled over, howling with laughter at Gabriel’s speech, which contained no less than four references to the groom’s cock. Gabriel makes an indignant sound and a halfhearted grab for the mic before he sulks back to the table. Raphael shoots daggers at him as he dismisses the crowd for the night, and Dean has to wipe tears out of his eyes as Sam practically picks Gabriel up and carries him upstairs. “That was so totally worth it,” he chuckles, leaning against Cas’ shoulder as they catch their breath in the elevator. “Did you see everyone’s faces?”

Cas chuckles, pulling him onto their bed. “God I forgot how much fun it is to make them uncomfortable.” He grins, slightly drunk himself, and crawls over Dean’s stretched out form to kiss him softly. “Hey Dean? I love you.”

Dean grins, hugging him close. “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! I thought we could all use some fluff. I promise more sexytimes in the next chapter, it's all written out in my head already. Also, keep a look out for my new story, which was my NaNoWriMo project (even though it's nowhere close to 50,000 words...oops) which I'm rather proud of. As always, remember to review!
> 
> Love,  
> TheSongSmith


	8. Jump

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovelies! I am so very sorry for taking so long on this one. Things have been busy with finals and the holidays and my upcoming trip to Ecuador, but I wanted to make sure you got a Christmas present, even if it's a little late. So please accept this porn as a token of my appreciation. Enjoy!

Cas and Dean have fallen into a comfortable routine, so when Dean opens his door to find Cas naked and collared, waiting for him, his first instinct is to worry. He takes a breath to examine the situation, not finding the tension in Cas’ stance that he would associate with him being upset. He walks over, lightly stroking through his hair. “Hey baby.” Cas purrs softly, leaning into the touch. “Everything alright?”

He nods, looking up at him and smiling, and Dean relaxes. “Sorry if I’m intruding. I know I’m unexpected.”

“Not a problem. You know I love having you here. You wanna tell me what this is about?” Cas blushes, and Dean raises an eyebrow as he shifts onto his hands and knees, his head dropping. Curiously, Dean walks around him, letting his fingertips drag down Cas’ back as he moves. Something shiny catches his attention, and he freezes for a moment, not believing what he sees, because there’s no way in hell that there’s a shiny silver butt plug sticking out from between his cheeks. He lets his fingers run over the handle lightly, chuckling at Cas’ shiver. “Is this your way of telling me to stop stalling and fuck you already?” Cas just moans in response, his back arching further to better present the plug. Dean toys with it lightly for a moment, watching as he pants and trembles in an effort to keep still. “You sure this is what you want?” he asks finally.

“Yes…please,” Cas murmurs.

Dean twists the plug carefully, letting it pass over his prostate and loosening his tie, laughing as Cas yelps. “Had it in there a while, huh?” Cas nods, biting his lip. “Alright then.” He reaches down, gripping his arm and slowly pulling him to his feet, mindful of the plug still nestled snugly inside him. He lifts his chin, gently pressing their lips together as his fingers slip around to the clasp of his collar. “You don’t need this right now,” he says in answer to Cas’ questioning look. Cas smiles and nods, his arms wrapping around Dean’s neck as he kisses him. He moves a little too fast, gasping at the sensation, and Dean chuckles. “Come on, let’s go somewhere a little more comfortable.”

He walks slowly back into the bedroom, nudging Cas up onto all fours again. He grips the end of the plug, tugging it out a little and watching as Cas’ body pulls it back in. Cas gives a low whine, arching back towards him. “Dean…please…”

He grins, kissing a trail up his spine. “I can’t help it baby,” he teases. “You’re just too sexy.” He slowly works the plug free, relishing in Cas’ whimpers and moans. He groans as it pulls free, then gasps as two of Dean’s fingers quickly occupy the space.

Cas’ hips thrust back onto them, desperate to feel him. “Dean…need you…”

Dean grins, lightly massaging his back as he slips a third finger into him. “What do you need, baby?”

“Your cock!” he growls out.

Dean laughs, undoing his belt and shoving his pants down, grinning at the shiver that runs through him at the sound. “And I intend to give it to you.” He flips Cas over, settling between his knees and leaning down to plant soft kisses between his hips. He pulls back for a moment, taking in his flushed face. “God, you’re beautiful,” he murmurs, stroking his cheek lightly. “You’re sure?”

Dean!”

He chuckles. “Okay, okay.” He thinks for a moment, then pulls Cas up, lying down in his place and shifting him until he straddles his lap. Cas looks down at him curiously, and Dean pushes at his hip, guiding him back until his cock rests just at the edge of Cas’ entrance. “I don’t want to go too fast,” he explains. Cas grins, leaning down to kiss him as he pushes back and gasping as Dean’s cock breaches the tight ring of muscle. Dean murmurs soothingly, kissing him softly and rubbing along his spine as he slowly sinks lower. After a minute Cas looks up at him, wide-eyed. “Baby? You okay?”

Cas smiles, nodding. “Yeah, I’m fine. Good. Just…I’ve been wondering what this might feel like for months.”

“How is it?” Dean asks.

“Tight. I knew you were big, but _fuck_ …”

Dean chuckles, stroking his cheek lightly. “You’re so beautiful baby. It always feels like that at first. Take some deep breaths and try to relax.” He reaches down, wrapping his hand around Cas’ shaft and stroking slowly, grinning at the low moan that escapes him as the tension in his muscles starts to ease. “There you go. Better?”

Cas grins back, huffing out a laugh. “Much better.” Cautiously, he raises himself up, moaning as he slowly slides down. Dean hisses softly in response, barely keeping from thrusting up into him hard, reminding himself that Cas needs to adjust to this first. Cas gives a few more tentative movements, starting to relax into a slow rhythm.

“So good baby,” Dean pants, stroking through his sweaty, disheveled locks and gasping as Cas clenches around him the next time he bottoms out. “Fuck, I wish you could see how sexy you are fucking yourself on my cock.”

Cas grunts in response, panting heavily. “Dean…” he manages. “Want you…please!”

Smiling, Dean nods, sitting up halfway and wrapping an arm around Cas’ back, keeping them connected as he carefully lowers him to the bed and shushing him gently when Cas whimpers at the change in angle. Leaning over him, Dean slowly pulls almost all the way out, then thrusts in hard, grinning when Cas cries out. He picks up speed until he’s slamming into him, sucking and biting at his throat. “So fucking good,” he growls into Cas’ neck. “Gonna cum just like this for me, full of my cock…”

Cas gives an involuntary squeeze and whimper, making Dean moan. “Want you to take me…” he chokes out. “So close…”

Dean grins, hooking his free hand under Cas’ thigh and shifting their position until his cock brushes Cas’ prostate with each stroke. Cas nearly sobs at the sensation, and it only takes two more thrusts before he cries out so loudly it shakes the room, something that might be a mix of Dean’s name and a string of curses as his body clenches and shakes, waves of pleasure making everything go white. The sight is enough to push Dean over the edge, and he cums deep inside of him, growling his name. When he manages to take a breath Dean stills, keeping them connected as he peppers soft kisses over Cas’ face and chest, stroking through his hair gently as he watches, fascinated as he slowly comes back. He murmurs softly, grinning as hazy blue eyes slowly open to look at him. “Hey baby. You okay?” he whispers. Cas just nods silently, still panting and shaking beneath him, and Dean’s palms run lightly over his skin, soothing the trembling. “Deep breaths, sweetheart. I got you. I’m so proud of you.”

After another minute a breathless laugh escapes him, and Dean looks up again to find him grinning. “You’re incredible,” Cas sighs, lightly stroking along his spine.

“So you’re not freaked out?”

Cas looks at him like he’s crazy, pulling him down to kiss him softly. “Of course not. I wanted this, remember?”

Dean smiles. “I know. But I know you were kinda worried about it too.”

He shrugs. “Maybe. But it wasn’t so scary with you. I knew you’d take care of me.”

“Of course.” He sighs, pressing soft kisses to Cas’ chest. “We should get you cleaned up before you get sticky. And you’re probably starving.”

Cas grins, brushing his hair back. “I suppose I could eat. But I’m not sure I can move.”

Dean chuckles, carefully extricating himself from the bed and gently pulling Cas to his feet, chuckling at his groan of protest. He tugs him into the shower, planting soft kisses at the back of Cas’ neck as he gently cleans him up. “How’re you feeling?” he asks, massaging shampoo into his hair.

Cas moans softly, leaning back into him. “Really good. Actually, a lot better than I thought I would. How about you?”

“Me? I’m fantastic,” Dean chuckles. “You’ll probably be a little sore tomorrow. In fact, I was thinking you might want to call in sick.”

Cas looks over his shoulder, grinning. “And if I do?”

“Well, if you do, I was kinda thinking you could stay,” Dean answers, holding him close. “We can do anything you want.”

There’s a little spark in Cas’ gaze, and he chuckles. “Anything?”

“Oh no. Why do I feel like you’ve been waiting for me to say that?”

Cas just laughs, turning to kiss him softly. “Don’t worry, Dean. I’ll take good care of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you it was porn :D Please remember to review and make me smile!
> 
> Love,  
> TheSongSmith


	9. Crisis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My lovely readers, I am so sorry this has taken so long! Life has been ridiculously busy lately, but I worked really hard on an extra-long chapter to make it up to you. Enjoy!

“You’re going to wear a hole in the floor if you keep pacing like that,” Dean says, amused as he watches Cas pace back and forth across the bedroom. Cas gives him a sour look, adjusting his collar again, and Dean sighs, coming up behind him and wrapping his arms around the other man’s waist, stopping his movement. “Cas, baby, it’s going to be fine. You don’t have to freak out.”

Despite himself, Cas relaxes into the hold, sighing softly. “Of course I have to freak out. I just really want things to go well.”

Dean smiles, taking Cas by the shoulders and turning him enough to kiss him softly. “It will, I promise. Why do you have to freak out?”

Cas sighs again, sitting down at the edge of the bed. “Because this is important. He’s important to you. He saved your life. If he doesn’t like me…”

“I will still love you,” Dean finishes, sitting down beside him. “But he is going to like you, I’m sure of it. We’re just going to go have lunch and talk, that’s all. All you have to do is not have a heart attack before we get there, okay? It’s gonna be fine, I promise.” Reluctantly, Cas nods, leaning in to press their lips together softly. Dean chuckles softly as he deepens the kiss. “You might have just gotten dressed for nothing,” he murmurs, grinning.

“Don’t you dare. Come on, let’s go.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Cas, this is Benny. Benny, Cas.”

Cas nods politely, shaking the other man’s hand. “So this is the guy you’re always telling me about. It’s nice to finally put a face to the name, especially since you talk about him so much. Nice to meet you Cas.”

Dean chuckles, giving a little shrug, and Cas smiles. “It’s nice to meet you too. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Lunch goes smoothly enough until Benny makes a joke, something about how his days of having his way with Dean are over, and though Dean laughs, something knots in Cas’ stomach. As stupid as he knows it is; as much as he should have expected it, to hear about the depth of their relationship so blatantly hurts more than he wants to admit. He freezes a little, and Dean glances over at him, frowning for a moment before rejoining the conversation.

When they get back into the car, Dean turns it on and starts driving before glancing over at Cas. “Okay. What’s going on?”

“Hmm?” Cas replies, not taking his gaze off the window.

“I know you better than that, Cas. You’re mad. What’s wrong?”

Cas sighs, warring with the bitter jealousy inside him for a minute before the words escape him. “The way he talks about you…”

Dean frowns, glancing at him again before focusing back on the road. “You knew we had a sexual relationship. I was always honest with you about that.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t realize you let him…” he pauses, trying to keep the anger out of his voice.

“What, fuck me? Of course I did. You let me do it with you, didn’t you?” Dean counters.

“That’s different.”

“How?”

“Because I fucking love you, you idiot!” Cas shouts finally, unable to keep a leash on his anger any longer.

Dean goes quiet, shocked for a minute at his outburst. “You think I’m in love with him?” he asks quietly. “Cas, I love you. You know that.”

Cas sighs, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. “Can you drop me off home please?” he asks, his voice carefully controlled.

Dean frowns again. “Why?”

“I just…I need some space, Dean. Please.”

They ride the rest of the way in silence until Dean pulls up outside Cas’ building. “You know where to find me,” he murmurs, staring out the windshield as Cas climbs out. He stalls at the curb until Cas makes it through the door, not even glancing back.

 

* * *

 

 

Cas drops his coat by the door, leaning heavily against the doorframe while he tries to breathe. He lashes out at the vase on the table, hearing it shatter to the floor, unsure if he’s angrier with Dean for brushing his feelings off or at himself for being angry in the first place. “I need a drink,” he murmurs to the jagged pieces of glass. “Or seven.” He checks his watch, frowning at how early it is, but he gets up and changes his clothes before grabbing his coat again, leaving the remains of the vase behind.

 

* * *

 

 

Immediately after entering his apartment, the wave of guilt washes over Dean, and he sinks to the floor, rubbing at his temples in an effort to relieve the pressure building in his head. After a few minutes he manages to pick himself off the floor, walking back into the bedroom and frowning at the black box on the nightstand that contains Cas’ collar. His immediate instinct is to drive straight over to Cas’ apartment and give it to him, just to make sure he has it, but he swallows down the desire. Cas asked for space. That’s fair. He had to respect that. Instead, he runs the soft leather through his fingers, hoping that needing some space isn’t the beginning of the end. He falls asleep like that, clutching the collar to his chest, and when he wakes up it’s late. He forces himself to get up and eat something, even though he really has no desire to move. The knock at the door startles him, and he checks his watch, wondering who on earth would be visiting him this late and reining in the hope that it’s who he wants to see.

The sight of Cas on the other side of the door fills him with both relief and dread; relief that he’s here and dread because he looks terrified and about ready to pass out. He starts mumbling almost incoherently as soon as the door opens. “Dean…I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…please…”

Dean steps aside to let him into the apartment, and Cas nearly tackles him to the ground, throwing his arms around Dean’s neck and holding on tightly as he sobs into Dean’s chest. “I’m sorry too,” Dean answers, starting to wrap his arms around him and freezing when he sees the bright red streaks staining the entire back of his shirt. His heart clenches when he realizes that it’s blood, and a lot of it. “Jesus Cas, what happened?”

Cas only sobs harder, choking out broken phrases. “I can’t…I’m sorry, Dean…I didn’t mean to…I didn’t know what to do…”

Dean swallows back his own panic, letting one of his hands settle at the back of Cas’ neck, the other drifting low on his waist, below the bloody streaks. “Shhh, okay, it’s okay, I got you,” he murmurs, gently stroking through his sweaty hair. “We’re going to take care of it, alright? Just calm down. Take a breath for me. I’m here.” Cas quiets a little, sniffing and whimpering softly. “That’s it. Take it easy. Come on, let’s sit you down before you pass out on me.” He kisses Cas’ forehead softly as he slowly walks him back towards the couch, sinking down on it and pulling Cas into his lap, careful not to let his back touch anything. Cas shivers a little, pressing closer and resting his head under Dean’s chin, listening to his steady heartbeat. “There we go. Can you tell me what happened?”

Cas takes a hiccupping breath. “I was really mad after you left, and I just wanted to forget about it. So I went to a bar.”

Dean frowns over his head, glancing over at the time. “You went to get drunk at three in the afternoon? No one goes to a bar in the middle of the afternoon, Cas.”

“I know,” Cas answers, the words drifting toward a moan of pain. “But you know I don’t really drink very much. I thought it would help if I could just stop feeling for a little while. But I accidentally got drunk. Like, really drunk, Dean, and there was this man…” A rogue sob escapes him, and Dean runs his fingers through his hair again as Cas suddenly looks up. “I’m so sorry, Dean. I shouldn’t have done it. I was just so angry and confused and he was so nice...”

Dean shushes him again, shaking his head. “I know baby, it’s okay. That’s not important right now. I just need to know what happened so I can help. Did that man do this to you? Did he hurt you?”

Cas shudders again and nods, his face drawn tight like someone who’s struggling not to burst into tears. “I guess I must have told him about us, about what we do, and he told me he understood. He said he would help me. And I…I wanted you to be mad like I was. So I went home with him.” His words jumble together a little as he fights to keep speaking through the pain and distress, but Dean manages to sort them out. He hesitates for a moment.

“And did he…did you have sex with him?”

Cas shakes his head hard, then whimpers at the movement. “No. No. I wouldn’t. But he…”

He sighs, then shakily rolls up his sleeves and shows Dean his wrists. Dean frowns at the raw, red skin around them, examining them gently. “He tied you up? Did he hurt you anywhere else besides your back?”

Cas loses focus again, another harsh sob escaping him. “It hurts, Dean…please help me…”

The sound breaks Dean’s heart, and he rubs the back of Cas’ neck soothingly. “Okay sweetheart, we’ll fix it, I promise. Just hang in there for me, okay? Let’s go inside and take a look.” He carefully leads Cas over to the bed, gently sitting him down at the edge. “Trust me?” Cas nods quickly, and Dean digs a pair of scissors out of the bedside table, carefully cutting through his shirt to avoid having him stretch to get it off. He slips onto the bed behind him, carefully peeling the fabric away and apologizing when Cas whimpers. He can’t help the soft gasp that escapes him when he sees what’s under the shirt. The bloodstains were bad, but what was underneath it is so much worse, and Dean isn’t really sure that it can be considered skin anymore. “Oh, baby…It’ll hurt too much if I do it myself. We should get you to the hospital.”

Cas whimpers again, shaking his head frantically. “No, I don’t care. I don’t like hospitals. Please, Dean…”

Dean frowns at the hint of panic creeping into his voice, and he nods, squeezing his hand gently. “Okay, okay. I won’t make you go. But I…I think we should call Benny. I know you have issues with him, but he has a lot more experience handling stuff like this than I do. I don’t want to do something wrong and hurt you. I’ll be right here with you, I promise. Can I call him?”

Cas hesitates for a moment, but nods, leaning heavily into Dean’s chest. “Okay,” he murmurs faintly, the words heavy with pain. “I trust you.”

Dean sighs, relieved, and kisses his temple softly, letting one hand move though Cas’ hair soothingly as the other begins quickly searching through his phone for the right number. The disgruntled voice on the other end is barely intelligible. “Benny? Hey, I’m sorry to wake you, but it’s an emergency. Cas is hurt bad. I need you to get here, like yesterday.”

“Why don’t you take him to the hospital?” Benny asks, words slurred with sleep.

A sliver of panic leaks into his voice. “I can’t. He’s afraid, he doesn’t want to go, and I can’t force him. Someone did this to him, and I couldn’t stop it, and I don’t know…Please, Benny. I need your help. I can’t do this by myself.”

The line is quiet for a few moments. “You sound more scared than I’ve ever heard, brother,” Benny says quietly. “You must really love him.” He pauses. “Alright, I’m on my way. Just keep him calm and keep him awake.”

A sigh of relief escapes Dean, and he nods. “Thank you so much. The door is open. I’ll see you soon.”

He hangs up, and Cas looks up at him. “Well?”

“He’s coming,” Dean murmurs, though he’s not sure who he’s repeating it for. “We’re going to fix this, I promise. Just hang in there for me, okay?”

Cas swallows, nodding, but continues to shake, though out of fear or pain or exhaustion Dean doesn’t know. Though he does his best to keep it together, every now and then the pain overwhelms him again, and he cries out, panting as Dean soothes him softly. “Dean?” he whispers, eyeing the box on the table. “C-Can I have my collar please?”

“Of course, baby.” He reaches over, picking up the collar and gently fastening it around his neck. Cas’ eyes close for a minute, his pained expression smoothing out a little as he breathes easier. Dean manages to relax a little too, kissing his forehead softly. “There you go. Deep breaths, sweetheart. I’m here.” He glances up when he hears the front door, waiting anxiously for Benny to find his way into the bedroom. Cas presses a little closer, burrowing further into Dean’s chest. “Hey Benny,” he sighs, relieved when the older man comes through the door. “Thank you so much for coming. I’m so sorry…”

“Don’t worry about it,” he answers, waving off his apology. Just tell me what we’re dealing…” he trails off as his eyes fall to Cas’ back, and he sucks in a breath. “Holy hell, Dean. You said it was bad, but…my God. What the hell happened?”

Dean glances down at the shaking form in his lap, but Cas doesn’t seem inclined to answer, still clinging to him tightly. “I’m not really sure,” he says quietly, running a hand gently through Cas’ sweat-soaked hair. “We had a fight, and Cas went to a bar, and some guy picked him up. Someone like us. All I know is he showed up maybe half an hour ago, damn near hysterical, and I saw the blood. There’s rope burn around his wrists, and this…how could anyone do this?”

“Honestly,” Benny murmurs, “I’ve got no idea. But I’m glad you called.” He slips his bag off of his shoulder, setting it on the floor and crouching next to it. “Hey Castiel? Can you hear me buddy?” he says softly. Cas gives a little whimper, but peeks out at him a little. “Hey. I’m here to help, alright? We’re gonna get you fixed up. I’m just gonna take a look for a minute, okay? I’ll only touch the parts that aren’t hurt, promise. That okay?”

Cas shudders a little, but gives a slight nod, and Benny nods back, lightly touching his shoulder as he takes a closer look at the wounds. “Well?” Dean asks anxiously. “Any thoughts?”

“Looks like lash marks,” he answers. “A helluva lot of them. We gotta clean them out to get a better look at it, but…it’s not going to be pretty.” Dean sighs heavily, nodding. Cas whimpers again, and Benny frowns. “Hey now. You look at me.” Slowly, Cas turns, his eyes wide. “Now, I know you’re scared and in a lot of pain. I’m not gonna lie to you. It’s not going to be fun. But I’m gonna do my damnedest to be as gentle and quick as I can. All you gotta do is hang on to Dean here and keep breathing as best you can. And if you need a break, all you have to do is say the word. Deal?”

Cas gives a small smile, still shaking but breathing easier, and he nods. Benny smiles back, turning to dig through his bag. Cas watches him, perplexed. “W-What’s that?” he asks weakly.

Benny glances up at him, grinning. “So Dean didn’t tell you, eh? I’ve been an EMT for damn near twenty years now, and before that I worked in emergency rooms. You’re in good hands.”

Cas readjusts his grip on Dean, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. He cries out as Benny begins the careful process of cleaning his wounds, shaking harder and unable to stop the pained noises from escaping. Dean murmurs to him softly, wincing at his cries and doing his best to comfort him. As Benny works his way lower a loud whimper escapes him, and he jerks away as much as he can. “Angel,” he mutters weakly. “Angel, angel, angel!”

Dean nudges Benny, and he stops, looking up. “That’s his safeword,” he explains, brushing Cas’ hair off his forehead. “Alright baby, he stopped. You need a break?” Cas swallows and nods, still whimpering softly. “You’re doing so good, sweetheart. Deep breaths. I got you.”

Benny disappears for a moment, returning with a damp washcloth and a glass of water. He sets the glass down, gently pressing the cloth to Cas’ sweaty and tearstained face. Cas sighs and leans into it, his hand coming up to lightly brush Benny’s arm gratefully. The older man smiles. “You’re welcome. Dean’s right, you’re doing great. We only have a little spot left to clean.”

He holds up the glass, and Cas takes it eagerly, draining it before looking up at him. “Then what?” he asks hesitantly.

“We’re going to treat it with a special cream and wrap it up for now to let it heal overnight.” Cas cringes a little at the thought, and Benny chuckles softly. “It won’t be as bad as this, I swear. This is the worst part. Then we can clean the rest of you up and get you to bed. You’re almost there. Think you’re ready to finish up this part?”

Cas takes a deep breath before nodding, resting his forehead against Dean’s chest again. He tenses as Benny starts to clean again, and Dean kisses the crown of his head softly. “So proud of you baby,” he murmurs softly.

“Ten more seconds,” Benny assures him. He counts backwards from ten, and by the time he reaches one the wounds are clean. Cas sighs in relief, collapsing against Dean. “You made it through the worst part,” he says softly. “Just take a few minutes to breathe. You let me know when you’re ready to finish up, okay?”

Cas gives a weak smile, reaching out for him, and Benny smiles, pulling off his bloodstained gloves and gently taking his hand. Despite his initial reservations about the man, he knows Dean wouldn’t trust anybody like this, and for now that’s good enough for him too. Sitting between the two of them is comforting, and despite his exhaustion and the pain still sparking across his back, he knows that the two of them will keep him safe. He takes another minute to himself before nodding slowly. “Okay. I’m ready.”

Benny nods, putting on clean gloves and carefully spreading cool cream over the wounds, and though Cas hisses occasionally, he manages to stay relaxed. “I told you this part was easier,” Benny chuckles, wiping his hands off on a towel. “Now, let’s get you bandaged up. Dean, can you help him sit up for a minute?” Dean nods, carefully holding him upright as Benny places a layer of gauze and then wraps a bandage around his torso. “Alright. How’s that feel?”

“Okay,” Cas answers wearily. “It still hurts, but it’s not as bad.”

“Well that’s an improvement,” Benny answers. “And I think it’s probably as good as we’re going to get tonight. Once it’s had some time to set we’ll let it air out a little, and tomorrow we can probably try numbing it. But for now, we’ll let you rest. I’m sure you’re exhausted.”

Cas nods in agreement, humming softly as Dean carefully cleans him up and helps him change into pajamas. When he glances back at Benny, something shiny catches his eye, and he frowns. “W-What’s that?” he asks nervously.

Benny glances up, following Cas’ gaze to the syringe in his hand. “No need to panic,” he says softly. “It’s just a little something to help you relax. You need to sleep, but I know you’re in pain and you got a lot of adrenaline running through you right now. It won’t knock you out or anything like that. It’ll just calm you down enough to fall asleep. It’s up to you.”

Cas considers it for a moment, glancing up at Dean. “It’s your choice, sweetheart. I know it’s safe, if you want it. Benny wouldn’t hurt you.”

He nods thoughtfully, slowly offering his arm. Benny smiles, taking it gently and carefully injecting the solution. “There you go, buddy. You get some rest, alright? You’ll be okay.”

Cas gives a sleepy nod, relaxing against Dean’s chest. “Stay?” he murmurs.

“Of course,” Dean answers, kissing his forehead softly. “I love you, Cas.”

“Love you too.”

He drifts off quickly, exhausted by pain and fear. Dean sighs softly, stroking lightly through his hair. “Benny, man, thank you. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

“I’m sure you would’ve managed, but it’s no problem. I know you didn’t want to take any chances with him. I’m always here to help.” He smiles fondly at the sleeping man in Dean’s lap. “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy, brother. You really love him, huh?”

“Yeah,” Dean murmurs. “I really do. I am happy.”

Benny nods. “He is a good one. Strong, too.”

Dean can’t help the proud smile that slips across his face. “He is, isn’t he? So, you really think he’s going to be okay?”

“Well, he’s not going to feel great for a while, and you’ll have to take it easy and keep an eye on it, but he should be just fine. Tomorrow we’ll look at it again, and I can give you a cream to use that’ll numb it a little. But he’s a tough little guy. He’ll be just fine.” Dean nods, relieved, and Benny pauses. “Any info on the guy that did this?”

Dean shakes his head. “I didn’t get a lot of details. I was mostly just worried about him and trying to keep him calm, and he wasn’t really coherent much. We can ask tomorrow. Whoever it is, they’ll be sorry they touched him.”

“I’m sure they will. We’ll make sure he pays, I promise you that.” He sighs. “You should get some sleep too. I’m sure he’ll be knocked out until the morning.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” He pauses. “Hey, Benny? Did you want to maybe…stay the night? It’s late anyway, and since you’re coming back in the morning…there’s a guestroom down the hall…”

Benny chuckles. “And you don’t want to be alone if something happens?” he guesses. Dean smiles sheepishly. “Yeah, sure. I’d love to. Sweet dreams, Dean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember to review! It makes me happy :D
> 
> Love,  
> TheSongSmith


	10. Bond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning, my loves! Here's a new chapter for you :)

Cas groans softly as he slowly wakes up. “Morning baby,” Dean murmurs. “How ya feeling?”

“Everything hurts,” he whispers, his voice rough. “Why does everything hurt?”

A gentle hand runs through his hair, and he sighs softly. “You had a pretty rough night. Do you remember anything?”

Cas thinks for a minute, hazy memories starting to surface. He nods slightly, stifling a groan as his stiff muscles protest. “A little bit. How bad is it?”

“Well, he did some serious damage, but Benny says you should be okay. You probably won’t feel too great for a little while, but hopefully we can make you comfortable enough. At least your classes are over for the summer, so you don’t have to worry about that.”

Cas sighs. “I’m so sorry, Dean.”

“Don’t,” he interrupts. “It’s not your fault. I’m just glad that you came to me when you needed help. And I’m sorry. I should have listened to you.”

“It’s not your fault either. This wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t overreacted. I was just…jealous, I guess.”

Dean chuckles, kissing his head softly. “Well it’s neither of our faults, then. So let’s just focus on getting you better, okay?” Cas glances up at him and nods, smiling as he slowly leans up to kiss him softly. Dean sighs, resting his forehead against Cas’. “I don’t think I’ve ever been so afraid in my life. Don’t ever scare me like that again, okay?”

Cas grins. “I’ll do my best.”

His stomach growls, and Dean laughs. “First things first, let’s feed you. Think you can sit up?”

It takes a little bit of help, but eventually Cas manage to get to his feet, slipping his arm around Dean’s shoulders for support as they make their way slowly into the kitchen. He stops short, almost losing his balance when he sees the man seated at the kitchen table. “Benny. You’re still here.”

Benny chuckles and shrugs. “Looks that way. Your boyfriend is a chicken.” Dean makes a sound of protest as he gently sets Cas down in a chair, making a face at him as he laughs. Benny frowns over at Dean, looking him up and down. “Maybe you oughta get cleaned up, brother.”

Cas follows his gaze, realizing for the first time that Dean hasn’t changed since last night, his clothes and hands still stained with Cas’ blood. There’s even a little streak of it up near his eyebrow where it must have rubbed off. “He’s right, Dean. Go take a shower. I’ll be fine for a little while.”

Dean gives him a disbelieving look, but Cas waves him off. Benny gives a soft chuckle. “You heard him. I know you like being an overprotective mother, but I’m sure I can look after your boy for fifteen minutes. Besides, I’m sure he’d appreciate you not being covered in his blood.” Dean gives him a sour look, but nods, leaning down to kiss Cas softly before disappearing down the hall. Cas sighs, studying the table for a few minutes, and when he looks up he finds Benny staring at him thoughtfully. He almost says something, but Benny gets to it first. “Coffee?” he offers. Cas smiles, nodding, and taking the cup that’s offered to him. “So, how’re you doing?”

He shrugs. “All things considered? I’m…not dead, thanks to you.”

Benny snorts, getting up from the table to start digging through the fridge. “Well that’s certainly a good sign.”

It’s quiet again as he watches the older man make eggs and bacon, humming softly to himself. Finally, Cas takes a deep breath. “Hey, Benny?” he murmurs. The other man turns. “I just…I’m really sorry about yesterday. I know the way I acted was…rude, to say the least. I have some issues, I guess, and hearing about your relationship with Dean might have stirred them a little. It was uncalled for. I’m sorry.”

Benny smiles, turning away from the stove to face him, leaning back against the counter. “You don’t have to apologize, kid. I understand. I probably could have chosen my words a little more carefully.”

“No, it’s not your fault,” Cas insists. “I just…I have this thing where I find it really hard to believe that I deserve to have him. I was mad that you two worked so perfectly together, and I guess I got scared that he’d realize he deserved better than me. But even after I was rude to you, you still came to help me. And not just because he asked. You were really nice to me. I mean, it’s all still a little fuzzy, but I do remember you holding my hand and telling me it was going to be okay. You didn’t have to do that.”

Benny shrugs, taking three plates out of the cabinet and starting to put food on them. “You’re right, I didn’t have to. But I wanted to. You were right about one thing, Cas. I do love him. But not the same way you do. I didn’t help you just because he asked me to. I came because Dean loves you, and that’s good enough for me. He cares about you, and so do I.” He pauses, setting the plates down on the table before taking his seat again. “Besides,” he smiles, “You asked me to hold your hand. How could I say no to that?”

Cas chuckles, nodding. “Yeah, I thought I might’ve. Sorry.”

“There’s no need for that. You trusted me. Maybe not as much as you trust him, but enough.” He gives a thoughtful pause. “You really do trust him. I mean, we should all trust our partners, but relationships like yours are few and far between.”

Cas smiles to himself, feeling himself go red a little. “Why do you say that?”

Benny shrugs. “You asked him for your collar when you were scared. For most people that would only make things worse. But you felt better. It’s something he used to do with me when he was upset.”

Cas looks up at him, surprised. “I didn’t know that. But I’m glad he trusted you the way I trust him. Lord knows he needed someone. Really Benny, thank you, for everything.”

“Any time,” he answers, stabbing his fork through his eggs before looking up again. “And by the way, you know that thing you have about what you deserve? Dean’s got that too. Has ever since I’ve known him, back when he was a scrappy little punk getting his ass handed to him. So I think he’d understand how you feel. But I know he’s crazy about you. And I’d never try to get in the way of that.”

Cas smiles gratefully. “I know.”

They eat in comfortable silence for a few minutes until Dean returns, hair still wet from the shower but refreshingly clean of bloodstains. “There you are, brother,” Benny teases him. “I told you I could take care of your pup. Look, I even fed him.”

Dean laughs, looking suspiciously between the two of them for a moment. “Yeah, you’re a real natural, Benny. I miss anything interesting?”

Cas shakes his head, grinning as he glances back at Benny. “Nope. Nothing at all.”

“Huh. Well that’s good I guess. So, what’s the plan?”

“Well,” Benny answers, “I figured I’d take another look at Cas’ back before I head home, make sure it’s doing alright. Hopefully it’ll be good enough that you can start putting the numbing cream on it. That should help make you more comfortable.” Dean frowns a little, and Benny chuckles. “Don’t worry, I’ll teach you everything you need to know. And I can always come back, you big baby. Now sit down and eat.”

Dean grumbles, but takes a seat beside Cas, reaching over to thread their fingers together. “So,” he asks after a minute, “Do you remember anything about the guy who did this to you?”

Cas thinks for a moment. “Not much. I remember he was kind of short, and he was wearing a nice suit. He had an accent, something European. Like…Irish. Or maybe Scottish. But I don’t remember his name, if he gave me one.”

“You know who it sounds like…” Benny says quietly.

Dean glances up at him and frowns. “You don’t think…

Benny shrugs. “Would you put something like this past him?”

“No,” Dean sighs. “I wouldn’t.”

Cas glances between the two of them, puzzled. “What are you talking about?”

“We…might have an idea about who it was. There’s a guy who’s…pretty infamous in certain circles,” Benny answers. “I’ll see what I can find out and let you know. But for now, let’s have a look, shall we?” Cas nods, shifting around in his chair to face Dean, exposing his back to Benny, who starts carefully cutting through the bandage. The older man looks up, chuckling softly at his tense posture. “Easy, Cas. It shouldn’t be too bad. Maybe Dean can help you relax over there.”

Dean grins, scooting closer and leaning in to kiss him softly. Cas makes a surprised sound, but relaxes into the kiss, pressing closer to him as Benny gently removes the bandages. “I’m not sure this is what he meant, Dean,” Cas murmurs, tilting his head to the side as Dean’s lips migrate down his neck.

“It’s working, isn’t it?” Dean chuckles. “How we doing back there Benny?”

Benny snickers. “We’re doing just fine, don’t mind me. I’m going to try to numb the ones that didn’t break the skin. When the other ones scab over we can numb those too, but it should help a little bit. Cas, it’s going to feel tingly for a minute.”

Cas nods, staying still as he carefully spreads the cream over his back. He shivers a little at the cold, but sighs in relief as it takes effect. “Thanks. That’s a lot better.”

“Good,” he murmurs back, finishing up. “Well, it’s looking good. Swelling went down at least. I’m going to wrap it up again for now. Today I want you to take it easy. You can take Tylenol if you want to, and tomorrow Dean can help you wash up and let it air out.”

“I can?” Dean interjects.

Benny chuckles. “Yes, you can. It’s real simple. Just sit him down in the bathtub and let warm water run over it to get the residue off. You don’t even have to touch it. It might sting a little at first, but it shouldn’t be that bad. I know you don’t wanna hurt him, but if you don’t keep it clean it’ll be a lot worse. Then just leave it as it is and let it dry out. You’re gonna be just fine, Cas. And I’m not far if you need anything.”

“Thank you, Benny,” Cas murmurs, glancing over his shoulder.

Benny smiles, ruffling his hair lightly. “Any time, kiddo. Now, it’s about time I got out of your hair. You two kids have fun. You know where to find me.”

Cas gives a small wave as he leaves, and Dean looks down at him, puzzled. “What’s that about?” he asks.

“What?”

Dean makes a vague motion towards the door. “I thought you didn’t like him. That looked downright friendly.”

“I changed my mind,” Cas answers, shrugging. “I might have been a little hasty. He’s a good guy.”

Slowly, a smile spreads across Dean’s face. “Yeah, he is. I’m glad you reconsidered.”

Cas grins, leaning forward to hug him tightly. “So, are we just going to sit at the kitchen table all day?”

“No,” Dean chuckles. “You are going to come back to bed with me, and I am going to cuddle you into oblivion.”

Cas laughs so loudly that it catches even him off guard. “The manliest words ever spoken. That’s going on your gravestone.”

“Hey!” Dean protests, trying to cover his grin. “Manly men like cuddling too. Especially when they’ve been through a night like ours. Come on, you goofball.” He gently pulls Cas to his feet, supporting most of his weight as they make it back to bed. Once there, Dean sets him down gently, climbing in beside him and pulling him close, careful not to touch anywhere near his bandages.

Cas sighs softly, resting his head against Dean’s chest until he works up the courage to look up at him. “Hey Dean?”

“Hm?”

He bites his lip for a moment. “Are you mad at me?”

Dean frowns, lifting his chin until he looks up. “No baby, of course not. Why would I be mad at you?”

Cas gives a half-hearted shrug, looking away. “I don’t know. Maybe because I was rude to Benny, or because I got drunk, or because I was dumb enough to go home with some stranger. I’ve messed up a lot in the last twenty-four hours. Take your pick.”

“Cas, look at me,” Dean murmurs. He waits patiently until Cas glances up. “I am not at all mad at you. Yes, you made some bad decisions, and I’m sorry that you got hurt because of them. But I understand why you did what you did. Hell, I’ve done what you did. You were angry and upset. I know that. I’m the king of making bad decisions out of anger, remember? I wish you hadn’t gotten hurt so badly for yours, but I’m glad that you came to me when you needed help. I could never be mad at you for something like that.”

Cas smiles, relieved, and leans up to kiss him softly. “I love you, Dean.”

“I love you too. Now, can you relax for a little while?”

He nods, resting contently against Dean’s chest and listening to his steady heartbeat. “Dean? Will you tell me a story?”

Dean chuckles. “A story about what?”

“I’d like to hear more about you and Benny. I know you told me about the first time, but it’s interesting.”

“I’m sure I could manage that,” Dean answers, stroking a hand through his hair. “What do you want to know?”

Cas thinks about it for a moment. “You’re very close to him. Was it always like that? Was it…easy, once you found him?”

Dean considers the question. “No, not always. I mean, parts of it were easy. I was used to following orders and that kind of thing from living with my dad. But other parts were harder at first.”

“Like what?” Cas asks curiously.

Dean hesitates. “Well…there were challenges. After that many years, I wasn’t really used to affection. It made me edgy, and you’ve seen Benny. He’s an affectionate guy. Knowing where I came from, Benny was careful with me. He insisted on praising me all the time, and even when I acted out he was really careful about my punishments. He was more gentle with me than I thought I deserved, and I was just waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me. I was convinced he would turn on me one day. So yeah, it took me a long time to learn to trust him.”

“Well, I can imagine why,” Cas murmurs. “I wouldn’t blame you for being cautious. So what finally convinced you?”

He sighs, shrugging. “Well, Benny was slowly but surely breaking through my shell. He wanted me to really feel things, which I hadn’t done in a long time. This one day I went over to his house, and I’d had kind of a rough day, but I didn’t want him to know. So I was in his playroom, just kneeling on the floor, and this belt caught my eye. I’d been going down there for weeks at this point, and it had always been there, but for some reason that day it just set me off. I had a really violent flashback about my dad.”

Cas gasps softly, frowning. “That sounds horrible.”

Dean nods. “It was really bad, and I didn’t even know where I was. When I finally snapped out of it, I was in the middle of a panic attack, and I couldn’t breathe. But Benny was right there with me. He was kneeling on the floor in front of me, just holding onto me. He’d wrapped a blanket around me at some point, and he just held me and talked me through it until I could breathe again. He was so patient, just waiting until I’d calmed down and figured out where I was. He told me I was safe, and that he wasn’t going to let anyone hurt me. I remember looking up at him and being so surprised at the concern on his face. I realized he really cared about me. He was worried. And then I realized he was bleeding.”

“Bleeding?” Cas asks, puzzled.

Dean chuckles. “Yeah. I guess I was still pretty deep into my flashback when he got to me, and I hit him pretty hard by accident. But he didn’t even really seem to notice. So that’s when I decided to trust him. He was so concerned, and he made me feel safe. Besides, I kinda owed him that much after I hit him in the face and he didn’t get mad. But I didn’t really know all of that until after, when I saw the tape.”

“The tape? He filmed it?”

“Well, yeah,” Dean shrugs. “He used to tape our sessions sometimes so he could show me different things, since I wouldn’t notice them much in the moment. After I’d calmed down a little, I asked him if I could see it. And I realized that he wasn’t going to turn on me.” He chuckles. “I turned around and hugged him, and he was in shock. He got me to talk about it a little bit, and I told him that I was afraid he’d disappear. He gave me his collar that day. He said he’d wanted to make it a special moment, but if I was that afraid then I needed something to remember the commitment he made to me.” He pauses for a moment, smiling at the memory. “He’s always been good like that. Benny just…always knew how to talk to me in a way I’d listen to.”

Cas makes a thoughtful sound, nodding slowly. “Yeah. He is good at that. I’m really glad you found him.”

“So you don’t hate him anymore?” Dean asks. Cas chuckles, shaking his head. “Well that’s good. I don’t know if anyone else could have handled me back then. He’s certainly good at what he does. He has a talent for dealing with people.”

Cas nods. “So what happened after? Did you still have flashbacks?”

Dean chuckles. “Well, things were a little easier after. I did for a while, but Benny worked on it with me until I could deal with it.”

Cas sits up so fast he winces at the movement. “Are you saying he used the belt on you?”

“A couple of times,” Dean nods. “Enough to break me of my fear of it. Not often after that, though. He knows I’ve never really been able to like it. But I was able to tolerate it without freaking out. He knows what he’s doing.” He pauses while Cas considers this. “Hey Cas? How much do you remember about what happened?”

“Not everything,” he answers quietly. “But I have a lot of pieces. Do you think that’s bad? Do you think he did something to me?” he asks worriedly.

Dean shakes his head. “No, I think you’re okay. You probably don’t remember because you were scared and in a lot of pain. What do you remember?”

Cas thinks. “I remember talking to him at the bar. He bought me drinks. And I remember being in his house. It started off okay, but then he got out of hand. I tried using my safeword and telling him to stop, but he wouldn’t. I remember screaming a lot. Or, at least, it feels like I screamed a lot. I think I passed out a couple of times, but when I woke up he was still there. And then the last time I woke up he was gone. I was on the floor and he’d cut off the ropes. So I managed to pull myself up and get my clothes on and I left. I have no idea where I was, but somehow I ended up at your door.”

Dean nods, kissing his temple softly. “I’m so sorry, Cas. I should have been there to protect you.”

“Don’t you dare start that,” Cas glares, shaking his head. “Whether you like it or not, there’s no way you could’ve known. The important thing is you helped me when I got here, and I’m going to be okay. So let it go.”

Dean smiles, nodding. “Okay. I’ll try, alright?” Cas considers this, then nods, snuggling closer, tracing light patterns along Dean’s side. After a minute his hand slips lower, and Dean gasps in surprise. “Cas…baby, what are you doing? You’re supposed to be taking it easy.”

“I am,” Cas answers innocently, stroking slowly along Dean’s shaft. “I just missed you, that’s all.” He grins. “Besides, we had a fight. I think that means we’re supposed to have make-up sex.”

Dean laughs breathlessly, leaning in to press their lips together softly. “Oh God, I love you so much,” he murmurs, his free hand finding Cas’ own erection and running his thumb over the head, chuckling at his gasp. “But we should probably postpone the make-up sex until you’re feeling better.”

Cas pouts at him, increasing his tempo and smirking at Dean’s groan. “Or…” he suggests, “We can keep doing this for now, and have the really good make-up sex later?”

“Deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember to review! I love hearing from you. New chapter on the way soon!
> 
> :Love,  
> TheSongSmith


	11. Inquiry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! I'm back with a new chapter. I'll be done with finals after this week, and I'm working on finishing up some old stories, so hopefully I'll have more time to devote to this one and a few others. Enjoy!

_Cas was on fire. Or, at least, that’s what he thought must be happening, because nothing else could possible hurt this much. Things come in sharp bursts of pain on top of the constant burn, narrated by a smooth, accented voice he can barely hear anymore over the flames. Cas has long ceased trying to fight his way out, long enough that his fingers are numb as he hangs from his wrists. His last shred of control snapped long ago with a particularly vicious strike, the scream echoing back at him from the cold walls, and he hates this; hates giving the snake behind him the satisfaction of it, left with nothing but the taste of blood in his mouth. Things fade in and out for an eternity, a cruel trick that allows him to slip into the quiet blackness for a moment before being jerked back into hell. He hears the screams, knowing they are his and at the same time they are not, and something in him suspects that he’s screaming even in the darkness; that it’s become so automatic he doesn’t even need to be conscious._

_Things fade again, and when he wakes up it’s to the sharp, prickling sensation in his hands before the fire rushes in. No longer hanging, he’s just as still, sure that this is a trap; that the moment he twitches it will start all over again. Holding his breath, he listens to the silence for a long time before gathering the courage to open his eyes. It’s still blurry, but he’s alone, which brings both relief and terror. He’s alone, but he can’t know for how long. The only thought in his head is escaping, and this might be the only chance. He gets up by sheer willpower, and he would have cried out at the pain if his throat wasn’t raw from screaming. Shakily, he finds his clothing, nearly losing his precarious balance at the waves of pain that accompany the shirt, and stumbles to the door. He knows he should be careful, quiet, but he rushes for the door anyway, tripping over the entry as he makes it across the street. Problem number two: he doesn’t know where he is or what direction he needs to go in, but the loud noise behind him decides for him, and he runs down the street, just barely managing to stay upright._

He wakes up screaming and unable to breathe, the walls of his torture chamber still swimming in front of him. Vaguely, he hears his name being shouted above the noise, and he blinks a few times, trying to clear his vision. “Cas? Cas! It’s okay, you’re not there. Baby, look at me. I’m right here. You’re okay. Just look.” Finally, Dean’s face comes into view, drawn with concern, and Cas manages a wheezing breath, his cries quieting. Dean must notice, because a little bit of relief leaks into his expression. “Hey, hey, focus on me. You with me baby?” He tries to nod, and he must succeed somewhat, because Dean sighs, stroking his cheek lightly. “Good. You’re safe, okay? I’m right here. No one is going to hurt you.” Unable to respond, Cas whimpers and grabs onto him tightly, feeling the anxious pounding of Dean’s heart through his chest. Dean shushes him softly, holding him close as he trembles. “I’ve got you. It’s okay. Just take it easy. I’m not letting anything happen to you.” Surrounded by Dean’s scent, the knot in Cas’ chest loosens, and he manages to wrestle his breathing back under his control, though he can’t seem to stop the little tremors that run through him. Dean runs a hand through his hair gently, humming softly in an attempt to soothe him and waiting patiently until Cas sniffs and looks up. “You alright?” he murmurs, gently pushing his hair back.

Cas nods, giving a little shudder as he wipes at the wetness on his cheeks. “Y-Yeah. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t you dare,” Dean replies, kissing his forehead softly. “I mean, you scared the shit out of me when you started screaming like that, but it’s not your fault.” Cas looks up at him, surprised to find wet trails down his face too, and he reaches up to wipe them away lightly. Dean gives a sheepish smile, glancing away as he wipes at his eyes. “Yeah, I know, I know. I was just worried about you. You’re sure you’re okay?”

He swallows and nods. “Yeah. I think I just remembered a lot of what I was missing.” He sighs, resting his cheek against Dean’s chest and feeling his still-pounding heart. “I’m okay,” he murmurs, smiling a little and rubbing at the spot gently. “You can breathe.”

“I’m trying,” Dean chuckles softly. “That was some wake-up call. Morning, baby.”

Despite himself, Cas laughs. “Morning. I do my best. What time is it?”

“Just about seven,” Dean murmurs. “A little early for a Sunday. Do you want to try going back to sleep?”

Cas shakes his head, unwilling to take the risk of slipping back into his nightmare. “Not right now. But you can, if you want.”

Dean snorts, pressing a hand to his chest. “Nah, that’s okay. I don’t think I’ll be able to go back to sleep for a while anyway. Why don’t we just relax for a bit, and then we’ll get you cleaned up?” Cas nods, shifting until he can lay pretty much on top of Dean, pressing his face into Dean’s neck. “Comfy?” Dean chuckles.

Cas nods, sighing. “I can’t wait until you can hold me properly again,” he mumbles.

“That makes two of us,” Dean answers. “Soon. And once I can, I’m not letting go for a long, long time.”

Cas smiles, pressing a soft kiss into his neck before looking up at him. “I don’t think I have any complaints about that.”

They spend the rest of the morning like that, lost in slow, lazy kisses until Cas’ stomach starts to grumble. Dean chuckles softly, running a hand through his messy hair. “Come on. Let’s go get you some food.”

Dean helps him up, steering him over to the couch and carefully setting him down before disappearing into the kitchen. Cas watches him curiously as moves around the kitchen. “Dean? What are you making?”

Dean glances over his shoulder, grinning as he puts something in a pan. “You’ll see.”

Cas chuckles, reaching out for the remote and finding something to watch until Dean returns, setting a plate down on the table. “You made me chocolate chip pancakes?” he asks. Dean shrugs, settling beside him and laughing when Cas hugs him tightly. “Thank you.” He glances down at the plate again. “You only have one fork.”

Dean smiles and nods. “I know.”

“You know,” Cas starts, “I could feed myself…”

“I’m aware,” Dean answers, spearing a bit of pancake and holding it out for him. “That doesn’t mean I don’t like doing it anyway. Unless you have any complaints.” Cas shakes his head, smiling as he settles against Dean’s side. Dean sighs happily, holding him close. After a while, Cas glances up at him. “You doing okay?”

“Me? Yeah, I’m alright. I’m not the one of us that was viciously attacked.”

Cas shrugs. “Yeah, I know, but you’re still upset. You’re hovering. That’s what you do when you’re scared. I’m okay, Dean.”

Dean sighs softly, nodding. “I forget how well you know me sometimes. I know you’re okay. I just…it scares me how easily I could have lost you.”

“But you didn’t lose me,” he murmurs. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere, and I’m going to be fine, okay?”

“Okay,” Dean murmurs, kissing his forehead softly. “I’ll do my best, okay?” Cas nods, satisfied. “Think you’re ready to get washed up now?”

“I…guess I don’t have much of a choice,” Cas answers uneasily.

Dean chuckles, kissing his cheek. “Don’t worry. If Benny says it won’t be that bad, I’d believe him. Besides, worrying is my job. Just think of how good it’ll feel to be clean.”

It does sound pretty nice to Cas, so he nods in agreement, allowing Dean to help him into the bathroom. He watches as Dean fiddles with the taps, occasionally testing the water in the tub and filling it a third of the way up before helping him undress. He rolls the bottoms of his sweatpants up, and Cas chuckles. “Thinking about joining me?”

“Just a precaution,” Dean laughs. “Let’s see how this goes before we decide if I should join you or not. Now, let’s see what we’ve got.” Cas stays still as Dean carefully unravels his bandages, gently peeling the gauze away to reveal the marks underneath. He winces slightly, but it isn’t half as bad as he thought it might be, and he holds onto Dean’s arm for support as he carefully steps into the tub. “Take it slow,” Dean murmurs as he hesitantly sinks down into the water. “It might take some getting used to.”

The water just barely laps at the lowest of the marks, and while it’s uncomfortable for a few minutes, the sensitive skin soon grows used to it. “It’s not bad,” Cas answers in response to Dean’s questioning look. “I think I’m good.”

“Good,” Dean says, relieved. “Step one down. Now, onto step two. Benny said this might sting a bit. I don’t want to hurt you, so please stop me if it’s bad.”

Cas nods, bracing himself against the walls of the tub as Dean scoops up water in a cup, carefully pouring it down over his shoulder blade. His breath comes out in a soft hiss, and Dean pauses. “I’m okay, I promise,” he assures him. “It does sting, but keep going.”

Dean sighs, but nods, continuing to let water run down his back, and after a little while Cas relaxes, the stinging sensation gone. “Better?”

“Much,” Cas assures him. “Actually, it’s kind of good now.”

“Well that’s good to hear,” Dean chuckles. “It looks pretty clean. Let’s clean the rest of you up, shall we?” He grabs a washcloth, dipping it into the water and lathering it with soap before carefully running it over Cas’ skin. Cas mewls softly, pressing into his touch, and Dean grins. “Enjoying yourself?”

Cas nods. “You have no idea how amazing that feels…”

Dean smirks, squirting shampoo into his hand and beginning to massage it into Cas’ hair. He chuckles at Cas’ moan. “Should I stop?” he teases.

Cas shakes his head hard. “Don’t you dare!”

He laughs, nodding and continuing the motion. “Hey Cas?” he says after a moment, “How do you feel about going on vacation? Once you’re feeling better, I mean.”

“Vacation?” Cas asks curiously.

Dean shrugs. “Yeah. I was kinda thinking that maybe we deserve one after all this. I mean, you’re on break until August, right? And I’m sure Bobby wouldn’t mind if I took a few days off. It might be nice, to get away somewhere for a while. We can go anywhere you want. As long as we don’t have to fly there.”

Cas laughs, considering it. “I don’t know where I’d want to go, but as long as you’re there, I’d love to go. You’re right, we do deserve it. It would be nice.”

Dean smiles, carefully rinsing the shampoo from his hair. “Good. I think so too. And we don’t have to decide immediately.”

“Actually, I might have an idea,” Cas murmurs after a moment. “I think I know someplace you’d like.”

“Oh?”

Cas nods. “Yeah. But I want it to be a surprise.”

“Fair enough,” Dean chuckles. “Whatever makes you happy.”

“Does that rule apply to everything, or just to vacation?” Cas smirks.

Dean laughs, leaning in to kiss him softly. “Whatever makes you happy, baby. Though, speaking of happy, there is one thing I’d like to ask you about.”

“Oh?” Cas asks, raising an eyebrow at him.

Dean rubs at the back of his neck sheepishly. “Yeah. Well, you know how you were telling me a couple of weeks ago about how your landlord is a self-righteous dick? You said your lease is up soon, so I was kinda thinking it would be nice if you didn’t have to deal with him anymore. Maybe you could…I don’t know. Come here, or something, instead…”

“You mean like…move in with you?” Cas asks.

“It’s closer to work for you,” Dean babbles, looking down at his lap. “So you wouldn’t have to drive so far…”

Cas chuckles softly. “Dean…”

“And then you wouldn’t have to deal with him…my landlord is pretty awesome…and, you know, it might be kinda nice…”

He only stops when Cas presses a hand over his mouth. “ _Dean_ ,” he repeats, laughing, “I’d love to move in with you.”

He moves his hand to reveal Dean’s wide grin. “Oh. Good. Okay. Good.”

Cas shakes his head, pulling him down by the collar of his shirt to kiss him hard. “Did you really think I’d say no?” he asks. Dean shrugs. “You big dummy. Help me out of here, will you?”

Dean chuckles, carefully helping him out of the tub and holding out a towel for him. When he’s mostly dried off, he takes it again, gently patting his back dry. A knock at the door startles him, and he frowns. “Who’s that?”

“I don’t know,” Cas shrugs. “But you should go answer it. I’ll finish getting dressed.” Dean nods, walking out into the living room and opening the door.

He’s not sure what he expected, but it certainly wasn’t a fuming-mad Gabriel and a confused-looking Sam. “Okay Dean-o, where is he? What have you done with him?” Gabriel asks, jabbing a finger into his chest as he storms into the apartment, Sam trailing behind.

“The hell…What in God’s name are you talking about? Why are you here?”

Gabriel snarls at him. “My brother, you ass! I’ve been trying to reach him for two days, and his phone’s been dead the whole time. I’ve left him a hundred messages. I went to his apartment, and his neighbors said they haven’t seen him. I know you did something to him!”

Hearing a commotion, Cas finishes pulling his sweatpants on and walks out into the living room just in time to see Sam grab Gabriel before he can lunge at a shocked-looking Dean. “Um…what did I miss?” he asks, puzzled.

Dean turns first, relieved, and reaches out for his hand. Gabriel’s eyes flick over to him, and he sighs. “Goddammit Cas! Don’t scare me like that! I was about to take out a missing persons report on you. Where the hell have you been?” He pauses, glancing back. “Let go of me, Sam. I’m not going to kill your brother. Yet.”

Cas frowns in confusion, looking between the three of them. “Gabriel, what are you doing here?”

Gabriel frowns at him. “You haven’t been answering my calls for days. You were supposed to meet me for lunch yesterday. When you never showed I tried calling, and your phone was dead. So I went to your apartment, and everyone said they hadn’t seen you for days. So I got Sam to take me here. You can’t do that to me, Cassie. I thought you were dead somewhere!”

Cas sighs, holding a hand up. “Gabe, I’m sorry. I completely forgot about lunch. My phone died two nights ago, and I haven’t gone home for the charger yet. I was dealing with something. I’m sorry for scaring you. Now, why don’t you come sit down? Want a drink?”

“He needs one,” Dean mutters. “What about you, giagantor? Why would you bring him over here?”

“I’m sorry Dean, but you weren’t answering your phone either. I was concerned. I didn’t think he’d try to kill you like that.”

Cas turns towards the kitchen, and Gabriel gasps sharply. “What the hell is that?!”

Cas frowns, puzzled for a moment before it dawns on him. “Oh. There was an incident.” Gabriel only looks even more furious, and Cas steps between him and Dean before he can do anything. “Woah, hey. Gabe, it wasn’t him, I promise. I’ve been here for the last two days because Dean’s been taking care of me. Look, why don’t you just go sit down and we’ll talk. I’ll tell you the whole story, I promise.”

Gabriel casts Dean another disapproving look, but pulls Sam into the kitchen. Cas sighs tiredly. “You think it’s about time we came clean?” Dean murmurs.

He nods. “Yeah, I think so.” Cas sits down at the table, grabbing Dean’s hand and starting at the beginning, with the start of their relationship, and going up until the incident. “So after I escaped, I came straight here. I guess I was pretty hysterical, and I wouldn’t let Dean take me to the hospital, so he called one of his friends to come fix me up. I guess my phone died sometime during the night, and I wasn’t thinking about it. I know it looks bad, but I’m fine. I didn’t mean to worry you, but you know Dean would never hurt me.” After a minute of silence, he glances up from the table to find Gabriel sitting in shock. “Gabe?” he says cautiously. “You okay?”

“I…Yeah,” he says finally. “Just…a lot of information. You’re sure you’re okay?”

Cas nods, relieved that he seems to be taking it well. “Yeah, I’m going to be fine. Dean’s been taking good care of me.”

Gabriel looks down sheepishly. “Sorry I tried to attack you, Dean. Thank you for helping my brother.”

“It’s okay,” Dean answers. “I know you were just worried.” He glances over at Sam, who’s thinking in silence. “Sammy?” he asks cautiously.

“Yeah, sorry. I just…do you know who did this to you, Cas?”

Cas shakes his head a little. “Not yet. I don’t remember a whole lot about him. But we’re trying to find out. I’m just glad it wasn’t worse.”

Gabriel makes a thoughtful sound. “I still can’t believe it.”

“Believe what?”

“That my little brother is having kinkier sex than I am,” he answers smirking.

Cas sighs, looking over at Dean. “There’s the Gabriel I know.”

Gabriel chuckles. “Come on, it’s a compliment! I’m actually kind of impressed. Whatever makes you happy, Cassie. Well, seeing as you’re alive, I guess we should probably get out of your hair. And charge your phone, would you? I don’t want to have to kill your boyfriend unless you’re actually dead.”

“Point taken,” Cas chuckles, shepherding him out the door. “I’ll see you later, Gabriel. We’ll reschedule lunch.”

Dean sighs as the door closes behind them, wrapping his arms around Cas’ waist. “Well that was something.”

Cas nods. “Sorry my brother tried to kill you.”

Dean laughs, kissing him softly. “It’s alright. I suspect it won’t be the last time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember to review! I love hearing from you guys! New chapter coming soon!
> 
> Love,  
> TheSongSmith


	12. Sick Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my loves! I thought we could all use some fluffs and cuddles :D

Dean comes home to the smell of food cooking, and he grins as he slips off his shoes by the door. “Have I told you how much I love having you here?” he calls out. There’s no answer, and he frowns as he wanders into the kitchen to find it empty, except for the tray of something in the oven. “Cas?” he calls louder, waiting for a response. When none comes, he wanders quietly down the hall, listening for any sounds. Finally, he comes to the door of the playroom, which has been left ajar. When he looks inside, he finds Cas sitting on a bench, surveying the racks on the far wall. Cas doesn’t seem to notice him, so he clears his throat softly, and the other man jumps, turning around. “Sorry,” he murmurs. “Didn’t mean to startle you. Just wondering where you Houdini-ed off to.” He walks in, settling down on the bench beside him. “What are you up to?”

Cas shrugs a little, looking around again. “We still haven’t used this room,” he murmurs.

Dean nods. “That’s true. Things have been a little crazy lately. But now that you’re moved in, and you’re off for the summer, it’ll be easier. I’m looking forward to making this room ours.” Cas smiles at that, leaning into his shoulder for a moment, but when Dean looks over his eyes are far away. “Something on your mind?” he asks, nudging him a little.

Cas chews at his bottom lip for a moment. “I…have a request,” he says cautiously.

“Oh? And what would that be?” Cas stares at him for a moment before getting up and walking over to the rack in front of them. He hesitates before carefully picking up a brown leather whip, struggling to suppress the little shudder that runs through him. He brings it back, gingerly handing it over to a surprised Dean as if it might explode, before sinking down to his knees in front of him. Dean considers him for a moment, reaching out to lightly card his fingers through Cas’ hair, watching as he calms a little. “You want me to use this?” he asks softly. Cas nods. “Why?”

“Because…I think I need to.” At Dean’s confusion, he sighs softly. “Do you remember what you told me about Benny, and the belt? I don’t…want to be afraid of this. I need you to do it. Does that…make sense?”

Dean nods slowly, considering it for a moment. “I understand why you feel that way,” he starts carefully. “But I also don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t want you to be afraid of me.” Cas looks down at the floor. “So, I’ll make you a deal.”

He glances up again, surprised. “A deal?”

“Yes. I know it’s been a while since it happened, but I want to make sure this isn’t going to do more damage. Benny is coming over later to check on you. We can talk to him about how you’re healing and if he thinks it’s safe. If he says yes, we’ll try. But not until he clears you. I don’t want to make anything worse. Deal?”

Cas smiles, nodding. “Deal. Thank you.”

“Of course,” Dean answers, leaning in to kiss his forehead softly. “You don’t have to be nervous to ask me for what you want. As long as it’s safe for you, we’ll do our best to make it happen. Got it?”

“Got it,” he nods. “Speaking of, I do have another request.” Dean raises an eyebrow at him. “If he does clear me, I want to have a good, long session. In here. I miss doing that with you.”

Dean chuckles, pulling him up from the floor. “I’m sure that can be arranged. I miss it too. As soon as you’re cleared, I promise. Now, we should probably go check on dinner before it burns. Whatever it is smells really good.”

Cas chuckles, nodding and slipping an arm around his waist. They talk while they eat, and Dean tells Cas about his day at the garage. Cas doesn’t follow most of it, but he likes hearing him talk about it anyway; likes how excited he gets and how his features light up. After a while he realizes that Dean is waving a hand in front of his face, and he blinks, jerking back to attention. “Sorry. What were you saying?”

Dean laughs. “Nothing. You were just staring at me. What’s up?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Cas answers quickly. “I was just thinking.”

“Oh yeah? What were you thinking about?”

Cas grins. “I was thinking that you talk about cars like Da Vinci probably talked about paint, or Michelangelo talked about marble. It’s interesting.”

Dean blushes a little, shrugging. “It’s just what I know best.”

“I like it,” Cas answers. “I don’t understand most of it, but I like it.”

Dean chuckles. “We’ll teach you one day.” He grabs their empty plates, heading to the sink with them. Midway through washing them, the doorbell rings. “You mind getting that while I finish up?”

Cas abandons his drying duty and opens to door to find Benny grinning at him. “Hey chief. You’re certainly looking better than the last time I saw you.”

“I’m feeling better too,” Cas chuckles, stepping aside. “Come on in.”

Cas leads him into the kitchen, where Dean is finishing putting their plates away. “Hey Benny!” he greets cheerfully.

“How are ya brother? I see you haven’t had a heart attack yet,” Benny teases.

“Not yet, but he’s come pretty close,” Cas grins.

Dean rolls his eyes. “Hardy har har, you’re both hilarious,” he replies, handing Benny a beer. “And I haven’t been that bad.”

Benny chuckles. “Well, we’ll see about that. You boys ready to get to it?” Cas nods eagerly, settling in a chair in front of him and pulling his shirt off. Dean hovers anxiously while Benny looks him over. “It looks pretty good,” he says finally. It’s healing nicely. How’s it feel?”

“It’s not bad,” Cas answers. “Still a little tender in a few places, but I haven’t used the numbing stuff since last week.”

“That’s a good sign, right?” Dean interjects.

Benny gives him a glare. “Dean, if you don’t stop pacing over there I’m gonna slap you. You’re making _me_ nervous. Take a seat on the front side.” Dean gives him a sour look, but obeys, taking Cas’ hand lightly. “Alright now. Cas, I’m going to feel around a little. I’ll be gentle. Stop me if anything hurts.” Cas nods, his grip on Dean’s hand tightening a little. Benny’s fingers move lightly over the marks, pausing when he tenses. “That hurt?”

“Not really,” Cas answers. “Just a little more sensitive than the other ones. You can keep going.”

He nods, continuing to examine the wounds. “How’s that feel?”

“Not bad. I thought it’d be worse. For a while there I didn’t think anyone would ever be able to touch it again.”

Benny chuckles, nodding. “Well, it’s looking good. There’s no inflammation or sign of infection, and they’re healing pretty quick. I think a lot of them will scar, but they’ll mostly fade with time, and I can give you something to help with that. If I can touch them and the worst you get is a few sensitive spots, I think you’re just fine.”

Dean breathes a sigh of relief, and Cas laughs. “I’m glad we could put your mind at ease. Hey Benny? I wanted to ask you about something.” Benny nods, looking up as Cas turns around. “I was talking to Dean earlier, and…I really want to get back into the playroom with him. But he said you have to clear me before we can do that. So what do you think?”

Benny considers it for a moment, looking between the two of them. “I think you’d be fine for most things as long as you’re feeling up to it,” he says finally. “Just stay away from the tender spots and you should be fine. No direct force over the area yet.”

Cas smiles, nodding, then bites his lip. “And…how long do you think it’d be if we did want to use direct force?”

“Well…I suppose that would depend on what you have planned.”

“I was sort of thinking a whip?” he answers cautiously. “I want Dean to do it. I want to know what it’s supposed to be like, so I won’t be afraid of it anymore.”

Benny nods thoughtfully. “Getting back on the horse, huh? Fair enough. But give it two more weeks. You want the skin over them to be a little thicker for that. And if you do it, try to stay away from the more scarred areas for now. But as long as you’re careful, I don’t think it’ll be a problem.” He pauses, looking Cas over for a minute. “Are you sure you’re okay with that?”

Cas shrugs. “No, I’m not. But I think that’s the point. I want to be. I know I don’t have to like it. But I really don’t want to be afraid of it. He doesn’t deserve that. I don’t deserve that.”

Benny smiles. “Alright then. Just remember to take it easy, okay? I know you want it over with, but you might have to take it slow for a while. One step at a time, alright?”

“Okay,” Cas nods. “Thank you for your help.”

“Any news on the guy that did this?” Dean interrupts.

The older man nods, turning to rummage in his bag. “Actually, yes. I did a little digging.” He pulls out a picture, sliding it across the table. “That look like our guy, Cas?”

Cas looks down at it for a moment, a shiver crawling up his spine. “Yes. That’s him.”

Dean frowns down at the picture, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “Of all the people, it had to be him.”

“You know him?” Cas asks, puzzled.

“You could say that. I haven’t seen him since I was a teenager. But word gets around, in a community like ours. From what I’ve heard, he hasn’t gotten any better over the years.”

Cas sighs softly. “So what do we do now?”

“Well, I suppose that kinda depends on what you want to do,” Benny answers carefully. “This guy…he’s into some bad stuff. We can go after him if you want, but you should know it’s probably going to get complicated. It’s up to you. Whatever you want to do, we’ll be behind you.”

Cas smiles at that, nodding thoughtfully. “Can I think about it for a while? I’m not really sure yet.”

“Of course you can,” Dean says. “Just let us know when you make a decision.”

He nods, relieved. “Okay. Hey Benny? Since you’re already here, do you want to stay and hang out for a bit?”

Benny grins. “I’d love to chief, but I’m gonna have to take a raincheck. I gotta meet a pretty girl for dinner.”

He gives a wave as he leaves, and Cas looks back at Dean, puzzled. “Does…Benny have a girlfriend?”

Dean chuckles. “No. Benny has a wife.” At Cas’ confusion, he chuckles. “Yeah, it’s complicated. Don’t worry about it.”

 

* * *

 

 

When Cas wakes up in the morning, it’s because of the strange noises coming from the bathroom. He gets up to investigate, finding Dean on his knees, retching into the toilet miserably. “Dean? What’s wrong?”

Dean groans, and the sound echoes a little. “Must’ve caught something from that snotty little kid who came to the garage yesterday…little bastard…”

That’s all he gets out before he’s heaving again. Cas pats his back lightly. “Well, you’re not going to work like that. Stay there. I’ll be right back.” He goes out into the bedroom, finding Dean’s phone and searching through it for Bobby’s number. “Hey Bobby, it’s Cas,” he says when the older man picks up.

“Hey Cas. How are ya?”

“I’m fine,” he answers. “I’m just calling to let you know Dean’s sick, and he’s not going to make it today.”

“Oh no. What’d he do now?” Bobby asks.

Cas chuckles. “I don’t know, but he’s currently vomiting uncontrollably, so I don’t think you want him there.”

Bobby snorts. “That’s a good call. Alright. Tell him I’ll see him when he feels better.”

Cas hangs up, setting the phone down before going back to Dean. He frowns at Dean’s pale complexion as he shivers and whimpers, choking out shallow breaths. Reaching over to the sink, he runs two washcloths under the cold water, ringing them out before setting them on the counter. Cas sits down on the floor beside him, rubbing his back gently. “Easy babe. I don’t think breathing like that is gonna make you want to throw up any less. Actually, I think it might make it worse. And I don’t think looking at it is helping either. Come here.” He gently pulls Dean away from the toilet and into his lap, feeling him shudder as he pants. “Deep breaths. I’ve got you.”

“You’ll get sick,” Dean protests weakly, even as he curls up tighter against Cas’ chest.

“Hush,” Cas murmurs. “I’ll be fine. Just relax.” Dean mumbles something unintelligible, but he doesn’t seem willing to let go of him either, so Cas takes that as a good sign. He reaches up to the washcloths, folding them in half and pressing one against the back of Dean’s neck and the other against his forehead. Dean moans in response, relaxing a little and leaning into the touch, his breaths evening out. “There you go. That feel better?” Though still a little shaky, he gives a soft hum of approval, and Cas smiles, running a hand through his hair. When he seems to have settled down a little, Cas kisses him temple. “Ready to try getting up? Your bed is a lot more comfortable than the bathroom floor.”

Dean looks up at him, his face flushed. “Maybe. But what if it happens again?”

“I suspect it might,” Cas answers honestly. “But we’ll take care of it. Let me worry about that, okay?” He carefully pulls Dean up from the floor, steadying him against the counter while he rinses his mouth out.

Thinking for a minute, Cas grabs the plastic trashcan before helping Dean get back in bed. He feels Dean’s forehead, frowning at how feverish he is. Dean smiles slightly. “You’re so nice to me,” he murmurs.

Cas chuckles. “Yeah, well you’re kind of a baby when you’re sick. Besides, you’ve taken care of me a lot lately. It’s only fair. You gonna be okay on your own for a minute while I get you some medicine?” Dean nods, so Cas goes back to the bathroom, taking a minute to clean it up before raiding the medicine cabinet. He comes back with a glass of water and crackers to find Dean gripping the trashcan tightly. Setting the food down, he chuckles, rubbing at the back of Dean’s neck gently. “Take it easy, Dean. I don’t think there’s anything left to come up.”

“Doesn’t mean it won’t try,” he mumbles.

Cas carefully extradites the can from him, setting it down on the floor. “It’ll be okay, I promise. You have to keep something down before I can give you medicine, so let’s see if we can get some food into your system.” Dean groans and shakes his head. “Come on, just give it a try. We’ll go slow.” It takes a while, but eventually Cas manages to coax a few sips of water and a couple of crackers into him. “How’s that feel?” he asks softly.

Dean shrugs. “I don’t feel like throwing up yet.”

“Well that’s good,” Cas chuckles. “Certainly an improvement. Let’s try to get some medicine in you so you start feeling better.”

Dean whines, but doesn’t protest when Cas hands him the glass again, swallowing the pills quickly. He shifts to be more comfortable against Cas’ chest, sighing softly and relaxing into him when Cas begins to rub slow circles over his belly. After a few minutes he looks up. “I’m sorry, Cas.”

Cas frowns. “For what?”

“I was supposed to do a session with you tonight. I promised I would.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Dean,” he chuckles. “You didn’t get sick on purpose. I would never be mad at you for that. Besides, I think we’d both enjoy it more if you’re not wanting to vomit the whole time. Don’t worry about it, okay? We’ll have plenty of time for that when you’re feeling better.”

Dean smiles, resting his cheek against Cas’ shoulder. “How did I get so lucky?” he murmurs sleepily. “You’re so good to me.”

“Yeah, well I’m pretty lucky too. Now, you should get some rest and let the medicine work. Hopefully when you wake up you’ll feel a little better. I’ll even make you some lunch. Sound good?”

Dean nods, though reluctantly, and shifts a little, pressing closer to him and sighing softly when Cas’ arms tighten around him. “Okay, I’ll try.”

Cas smiles, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. “Sweet dreams, Dean.”

 

* * *

 

 

After a few hours, Dean stirs, frowning. He wakes with a gasp, and Cas runs a gentle hand through his hair. “Hey, it’s okay. Just a fever dream. I’m here. Take a deep breath.” Dean nods, settling back and closing his eyes as Cas feels his forehead. “Feels like it’s starting to break. How do you feel?”

“Actually, a little bit better,” Dean answers, rubbing at his eyes tiredly. “I miss anything?”

“Not much,” Cas chuckles. “You woke up just in time. I made you some lunch.”

Dean looks around until he eyes land on the tray, and he grins. “You made me grilled cheese?”

Cas shrugs. “Well, I know how much you love it. And it shouldn’t be too hard on your stomach. Take it slow, though. You don’t want to get sick again.”

“Agreed,” Dean murmurs. He settles back against Cas’ chest as he takes a cautious bite. Taking the fresh towel he brought with him, Cas gently runs the damp cloth along his chest and the back of his neck, wiping away the cold sweat. Dean sighs in relief, and Cas kisses his temple softly. “You’re pretty good at this,” Dean says softly. “I think you may have been a nurse in a previous life.”

“Nah,” Cas smiles. “I just love you, that’s all. I’m glad you’re starting to feel better. Is that going down okay?”

Dean nods, digging into his food a little more enthusiastically. “This is awesome, by the way. And thanks for taking care of me. You really didn’t have to do that. I know it’s not the prettiest sight.”

“Any time, Dean. I know I don’t have to. I want to take care of you. Is that okay?”

He smiles, leaning against Cas’ shoulder as he eats. “I guess as long as you want to…it’s okay with me.”

Cas grins and gives a short nod. “Alright then. I think I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember to review! I love to hear from you :D
> 
> Love,  
> TheSongSmith


	13. Promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my loves! So marriage equality happened and I was like "aw yeah, I'm gonna write the best chapter ever to celebrate" and then it turned into porn. I mean it, this is really just pure porn and some fluff. But something tells me you won't complain. Enjoy!

When Cas wakes up, it’s because he’s being kissed breathless. He sighs softly, one hand coming up to tangle in Dean’s hair, but Dean takes his wrist, pinning it back down to the bed. So it’s that kind of morning. Dean pulls away slowly, smirking a little. “Good morning, Castiel.”

Cas grins. “Good morning, Sir. I take it you’re feeling better?”

Dean laughs, kissing him lightly. “You always do catch on fast. Much better, as a matter of fact. And since I’m a little late in delivering my promise, I thought we should probably get started right away. You did ask for a long, thorough session, didn’t you?”

“I did,” Cas murmurs. “Is that what I’m in for today?”

Dean chuckles. “Baby, by the time I’m done with you, you won’t even remember your name.”

A little shiver runs through him, and he grins. “God, I was hoping you’d say that.”

“Good,” Dean answers. “So, why don’t you go shower while I finish breakfast?” Cas nods, stretching before he gets up and starts walking to the bathroom. “Oh, and Cas?” Dean says. “Don’t bother putting clothes on when you finish. You won’t be needing them.”

Cas turns to hide the blush on his face, hurrying through his shower and drying off quickly, trying to ignore the raging hard-on that’s developed since he woke up. Once dry, he wanders into the kitchen where Dean is sliding an omelet onto a plate. He grins when he notices Cas, lifting his chin and pulling him into a slow kiss. He smirks as he glances down at Cas’ erection, lightly brushing his fingertips over it. “Well, good morning. I take it someone is very much on board with this plan.”

“You could say that,” Cas gasps out, his eyes fluttering closed for a moment.

Dean grins, resting their foreheads together. “Good. First things first. What’s your safeword?”

“Angel,” he murmurs, almost smiling at the familiarity of the question.

“Good boy. I’m going to push today. You’ve asked me about a lot of things we haven’t tried yet, and I thought it might be a good time to start exploring them. I’ll be careful, but if anything scares you or it’s too much I need you to tell me. That’s an order, okay? If you don’t you’re going to be in big trouble later. Understood?”

Cas nods, smiling in earnest. Some days, like today, Dean had all the intensity of a dragon stuffed into a human form; he could see it brimming just under his skin. It would scare him if he didn’t love it so much. Still, no matter what, Dean always took this time to set their parameters. It seemed slightly excessive to Cas, now that he knew what a safeword was and how to use it, and now that he trusted Dean without a doubt. But reestablishing this seemed to help Dean settle a little, and Cas has grown rather fond of these moments, so he goes along with them, nodding. “Understood.”

Dean smiles again, kissing him softly. “Good. Go wait for me in the living room.” Cas nods, settling down next to the couch to wait. He smiles when he sees the bowl of fruit already on the table, sitting next to the box that holds his collar. After a minute Dean joins him, running a hand through his hair lightly, and Cas grins when he spots the single fork in his hand. It’s become something of a routine for them, especially because it allows Cas to relax into his own space, and because Dean likes watching it happen. They stay quiet for a while, both of them relaxing into the intimacy of it. When they’re finished, Dean taps his shoulder lightly to get his attention and motions him up. He pulls Cas back by the hips until he’s settled in Dean’s lap, leaning back against his chest, his knees spread around the outside of Dean’s. He chuckles softly as he recalls the first time he did this, the day he walked in to find Dean in his apartment. “What’s so funny?” Dean asks softly.

He shrugs. “Just thinking how different things are now. It’s nice.” He feels Dean smile, pressing soft kisses along his neck and shoulder as his fingers run lightly over Cas’ chest. One fingertip strokes along Cas’ erection, chuckling as he shudders. “Poor Cas,” he teases. His hand shifts lower, rolling Cas’ balls lightly. “It’s been far too long, hasn’t it?”

Cas nods, his eyes fluttering closed. He starts to respond, but gets cut off when Dean squeezes gently, his words turning into a gasp as his back arches. “Yes…” he hisses after a moment.

“Well I think we can fix that,” Dean murmurs, biting at his neck. It’s where his collar should be, and he panics for a moment, whining as his hand comes up to cover his neck. Dean shushes him softly, gently pulling his hand away. “Don’t worry, I didn’t forget.” He pushes Cas up enough to reach the box, carefully fastening the leather around his neck. Cas relaxes as soon as he hears the click of the clasp, and Dean chuckles. “Better?”

He smiles sheepishly, nodding. “Sorry.”

“That’s alright,” Dean murmurs, holding him tight against his chest. “I’m glad you like it so much. Ready to get started?” Cas nods eagerly, and Dean smiles, pulling him in for a soft kiss before he nudges Cas to his feet, leading him down the hall. Cas expects to be led into the playroom, but instead Dean passes the door and goes back into the bathroom. Cas frowns a little, puzzled until he notices the attachment connected to the shower head over the bathtub. He looks to Dean uneasily, who smiles, smoothing a hand down his back. “Okay?” He nods hesitantly. “Just a practicality,” Dean assures him. “Trust me, you’re going to want to be clean for later. I’ll make it as quick and comfortable as possible.” Cas nods, relaxing a little and following Dean’s instructions until he’s on all fours in the bathtub. He takes deep breaths as instructed while Dean adjusts the nozzle, gasping at the sudden feeling of water. The sensation is strange, but the water is comfortably warm, and he relaxes a little as Dean’s fingers stroke through his hair, listening to the soft murmurs of encouragement. Just on the brink of uncomfortable, Dean turns the water off, gently removing the nozzle and ordering him to hold it. He groans at the cramp in his stomach, but Dean’s hands are there, soothing over the protesting muscles. “Good boy,” he murmurs, rubbing circles on his lower back. “So good for me. Just one more minute, okay?”

Cas nods, closing his eyes and focusing on the gentle strokes of Dean’s hands. When the minute is up he’s carefully pulled to his feet. He gasps at the shift, gripping Dean’s arm tightly. “Dean…”

“I know,” Dean answers. “Go slow.” He sets Cas down on the toilet, and the other man looks up at him, flushing with embarrassment. He smiles, leaning in to kiss his forehead softly. “I’ll go wait for you in the playroom,” he says. “Meet me there when you’re ready, okay?”

Cas nods, relieved. When he’s finished he wanders in to find Dean carefully considering the wall of toys. He looks over his shoulder at Cas’ entrance, grinning as he walks over, lifting his chin and planting a kiss on his lips; the kind that makes Cas forget everything else for a minute. “Does that mean we get to the fun part now?” he teases.

Dean chuckles. “As a matter of fact, it does. And since you were so good for the not fun part, it’s going to be extra fun.” His hand wraps around Cas’ erection, the thumb rubbing lightly just under the head while he gasps. “I could watch you like this forever,” he murmurs. “But we have quite enough work ahead of us.” Cas lets out a soft hum of approval, letting his head drop to Dean’s shoulder, his eyes fluttering closed as Dean’s fingers run feather-light over his skin. “I missed this,” he murmurs, pressing soft kisses along Cas’ neck and shoulder. “Missed getting to touch you like this…”

He feels Cas draw a shallow breath. “Like what?” he whispers.

Dean smirks, his kisses turning to nips. “Like I own you,” he growls, feeling Cas shiver. “Like you’re mine.” Cas lets out a shaky whimper, and Dean chuckles. “And here I was worrying that you were going to have a hard time with this. But you just fell right into it, didn’t you? You’re such a good boy.”

“Yours…” Cas murmurs.

“That’s right, my good boy,” Dean chuckles. “And don’t you forget it.” His fingers find their way into Cas’ hair, tugging hard until his head tips back. He lets out a low moan as Dean begins to bite and lick his way up the pale column of his throat. After a moment Dean pulls back, taking a deep breath. “Now, we have a full schedule, so I think it’s time we get started, don’t you?”

Cas nods eagerly, pupils dilated when they meet Dean’s gaze. “Yes Sir. I can’t wait.”

Dean grins, leaning in to kiss him once more before he turns to retrieve a set of leather cuffs, starting to fasten them around Cas’ wrists. “First things first. We need to warm you up, so we’re going to play a game.”

“A game, Sir?” Cas asks curiously.

He nods, attaching the cuffs together and clipping them into a pulley attached to the ceiling. Pulling down the rope on the other side, Cas is drawn up straight, body stretched taut as his arms are pulled up. “Yes. It’s a guessing game. For each thing you guess correctly, you get a reward. For each one you get wrong, you get spanked. Now, are you going to keep your feet apart for me, or am I going to have to cuff them too to make sure you’re good?” he asks. His tone is teasing, but he knows Cas understands the question, knows that he’s making sure he’s alright with this.

He watches as a shiver runs through Cas, a small moan escaping him as his eyes close for a moment. “I think you should cuff them,” he answers, a small smile gracing his lips. “You know how easily you drive me crazy, and I wouldn’t want to ruin your fun.”

Dean grins, kneeling to attach cuffs to his ankles, clipping him into a spreader bar before taking a step back and admiring his work. “How very considerate of you. So, here are the rules. I’m going to try out different things on you, and you’re going to guess what they are. Sound simple?”

Cas looks at him. “Too simple. What’s the catch?”

Dean laughs, kissing his forehead softly as he pulls a strip of black fabric from his pocket. “You know me so well. It wouldn’t be fun if I didn’t challenge you a little.” He smirks, tying the fabric over Cas’ eyes and letting his fingers trail over his skin. “And I’m also not going to tell you if you get them wrong or right, so it’ll be a mystery if you’re going to be rewarded or punished.” Cas moans again, and Dean chuckles. “Easy tiger. Let’s warm you up first.”

“Please…” Cas breathes, a slight whine coloring the words. Dean smiles, beginning to map his body with his fingers and lips, waiting until he feels Cas relax under his touch before gently prodding at his entrance. He hears the quiet gasp, grinning as he gently works one finger into him. "Don’t worry baby,” he murmurs in response to Cas’ whimper. “I’m not going to open you up too much. Not yet, anyway. Ready to get started?” Cas nods eagerly, jolting in his bonds when he feels the sudden cold against his skin. It circles around his nipples before trailing down to drip along his thighs. “Guesses?”

“Ice!” Cas gasps. The feeling disappears, and then suddenly there’s something pressing at his entrance, slick with lube. He nearly shouts when it pops in, hearing Dean chuckle. “What…?”

The object shifts inside him when Dean moves, pressing the long string of beads to the back of his thigh so that he can feel the cold metal. “How’s that for a reward?”

Cas can’t do more than moan in response, but it satisfies Dean, who moves on to the next sensation. Something cold drips slowly down his chest, and he frowns, trying to place it. “Massage oil?” he guesses uncertainly. A sharp slap reverberates through the room, and Cas hisses as Dean’s fingers rub over the heated skin.

“Maybe you need another hint, hmm?” Dean murmurs. There’s a wet tongue against his chest, and then Dean’s lips are on his, the tongue forcing its way into his mouth, and Cas can taste the chocolate.

“Chocolate syrup,” he corrects breathlessly when Dean pulls away.

Dean chuckles, pushing another metal bead into him, rubbing the first one over his prostate. “That’s my good boy.”

Cas barely hears him when Dean says they’ve reached the last question. His ass is heated and stinging pleasantly, and the entire string of metal balls (twelve, if his count is right), is jostling deliciously inside him, each small breath or movement dragging them back and forth over his sweet spot. It’s all Cas can do to take deep breaths, letting the restraints bear his weight as he leaves himself open to Dean’s whims. “Alright baby, last one. Tell me what this is.”

His touch disappears for a moment, and then Dean is parting his cheeks, his tongue teasing and probing at Cas’ hole. Cas shrieks at the feeling, overwhelmed by the hot, wet tongue now pushing into him and the light movements each prod causes inside him. He shivers as Dean’s hands knead his tender cheeks, nails scraping over the abused flesh. “Ohhh fuck…” Cas moans loudly, shuddering as Dean continues. “Oh God…your tongue…Fuck, fuck…DEAN!” Dean chuckles, but doesn’t pause in his task, delving deeper into him as Cas’ cries grow more desperate, and now he wishes he’d thought to ask what the rules were about cumming. “Please, please,” he whimpers, desperately trying to both push back against Dean’s tongue and escape the incredible torture of it. “Dean, oh God… _Ahhh_ …fuck, I’m gonna cum, Sir, please, please may I cum, pleaseplease…”

Dean pulls back just enough to answer, his finger continuing to push and massage against Cas’ hole. “Such a good boy, asking me for permission. You can cum as many times as you want today. In fact, I’m not going to stop making you cum until you beg me to.” He spreads Cas’ cheeks wide, and the moment his tongue moves over his entrance Cas is screaming. As the first waves overtake him, Dean grips the end of the string of beads, pulling them out in quick succession and prolonging his orgasm.

He continues to lick Cas through it as he trembles and gasps, teasing at the fluttering muscles before driving his tongue deep, letting the wet noises and the sounds of Cas’ breaths fill the room. When he starts to moan again, still shaking, Dean pulls back, smoothing his hands up along Cas’ back before carefully undoing the blindfold. Cas’ eyes flutter open, lashes wet with tears that Dean gently wipes away. “Thank you, Sir,” he mumbles, straining against his restraints to be closer to him.

Dean shushes him softly, stepping closer so that his body is pressed up against Cas. “Of course, my sweet boy. We’re just getting started. I’m proud of you. I didn’t even have to touch that pretty cock of yours, did I?” Cas gives a soft moan at that, and Dean chuckles. “Deep breaths. If you thought that was good, just wait for what I have planned for you. Are you okay?” he asks softly.

Cas gives him a tired grin. “Are you kidding? I’ve never been better.” Dean chuckles, carefully unfastening his ankles and wrists, lowering him slowly to the floor before starting to rub out the tension in his neck and shoulders. Cas gives appreciative little moans, sipping at the water Dean orders him to drink. “That’s my new favorite game,” he murmurs, leaning back against Dean’s chest.

“I think you might change your mind about that before we’re through, pet,” Dean teases. “I’ve been thinking about this for a long time.” Once he’s satisfied that Cas has recovered enough, he gently pulls him off the floor, sitting him down in a chair. “You’re going to have to be still for this one,” he says conversationally as he fastens Cas’ wrists behind him. “Think you can do that for me?”

Cas grins, nodding. “I’ll try my best, Sir.”

He’s rewarded with a hand carding through his hair for a moment before Dean moves on to tying down his knees, keeping him spread wide on the chair. Carefully, Dean presses a small object up into him. Still sensitive, Cas moans softly as it’s placed expertly up against his prostate, but manages to keep from moving. “Good boy,” Dean smiles. “Now Cas, do you remember back when we went through that list, and you marked down some things that you might want to try after you got more used to this?” Cas nods, watching him curiously as he picks up a small wooden box. “Well, I was wondering how you’d feel about trying some of them now.”

He opens the box, and Cas’ eyes widen as he takes in the thin metal rods inside. He looks up at Dean, surprised. “Sir…?”

“You can say no,” Dean says softly, watching him. “I won’t be mad.”

Cas shakes his head, feeling a flush spread through his face. “I…want to try.”

Dean smiles, nodding. “Trust me?” he asks. Cas grins, pulling at his bindings in answer, and Dean chuckles, leaning in to kiss him softly. “Good boy. It’s going to feel a little weird at first, but it’s not going to hurt, I promise. Just try to stay relaxed for me, and tell me if you want me to stop.” Cas nods, watching as he carefully selects one out of the box, wiping it down before starting to coat the metal in lube. He flinches as the cold object is run lightly along the head of his cock, prodding gently at the slit. “Deep breaths,” Dean advises. He gives a slight push, and then Cas can feel it under his skin. Dean pauses, leaving the metal just inside him and watching until he relaxes again. “Okay?”

Cas nods, taking a deep breath to calm the anxiety in his chest. “Okay.” Dean nods, slowly feeding the rod into his body, and Cas groans when it hits the bottom, struggling not to squirm at the cold and the odd stretch. Dean raises an eyebrow at him, and he manages a small smile. “Okay. Good.”

Dean grins, kissing him softly. “So good for me. Tell me how it feels.”

He pulls back a little to watch Cas’ face as he carefully manipulates the sound, twisting it lightly and moving it slowly in and out. Cas moans softly, straining against the cuffs as his eyes flutter closed. “Weird, but…good. Kind of… _Ahh…_ full…” Dean nods, letting the sound sink in before wrapping his fingers around Cas’ cock. The man under him gives a whole-body shudder when he starts to stroke him slowly. “Oh God…”

“Hmm?” Dean replies, starting to kiss and bite at his neck.

“I can… _Ohhh…_ I can feel it Sir,” he whimpers.

Dean smirks, resting their foreheads together. “Good. That’s the idea. Do you like it?”

“Yes!” he moans. “I like it when you p-play with my c-cock Sir!”

Cas shivers at the low growl that leaves Dean’s lips. “Good boy. I like it too.” Dean shifts, and suddenly the object inside Cas that he’d mostly forgotten about hums to life, buzzing against his prostate. Cas yelps, gripping the chair tightly as Dean chuckles. “You gonna cum for me again?” he teases. “Gonna cum while I tease your pretty cock?”

“Fuck…yes…please…” he whimpers.

Dean grins at him, kissing him hard for a moment and swallowing his desperate cries. “Good boy. So eager, aren’t you? You have permission. Maybe this will help. Watch.” The vibrations are suddenly turned up as Cas watches Dean’s hand go to the sound, twisting it lightly as he carefully removes it. The slow drag of it inside him is what pushes him over the edge, and he shouts Dean’s name, pulling at his bindings as he spasms.

When he comes to his senses again he realizes that, while the vibrations have disappeared, Dean is continuing to stroke his oversensitive cock slowly, watching him. He starts to squirm, panting. “Too much…” Dean shushes him softly, but doesn’t stop, and Cas starts to whimper. “Stop, stop…hurts…”

Dean pauses, quirking an eyebrow at him. “What’s your safeword, Castiel?”

Cas takes a few breaths before answering. “Angel, Sir…”

“And are you using it?” Dean asks softly.

Cas shakes his head hard. “No Sir.”

Dean chuckles, running a hand through his hair lightly and starting to stroke again, grinning at Cas’ gasp. “Cheeky little thing, aren’t you? That’s twice you’ve cum now. And so strongly too. My poor boy’s been deprived. But I still think you have a few more left in you.”

Cas chokes on his next breath, still writhing under the slowly torture of Dean’s hand. “W-What?”

“Well, after being pent up for so long, I think you need a good, thorough release,” Dean smirks. “Don’t you worry. We’re gonna empty you out real well.” A broken cry escapes Cas at that, and Dean releases his cock, pulling his chin up and kissing him softly. “Gonna take good care of you,” Dean murmurs.

Cas smiles. “You always do.”

Dean grins at him, freeing him from the chair and gently removing the small vibrator. “Come with me,” he murmurs, pulling him up on shaky legs and leading Cas over to a bench with an angle built into it. He instructs him to lie down and carefully positions him so that the high point is just under his hips, which has the effect of raising and presenting his ass. Once he’s happy he fastens Cas’ wrists and ankles to the frame, running a hand lightly down his spine as Cas tests his binds. Dean pulls one more out, fastening a leather strap above his hips to keep him held firmly to the bench. “How’s that?” he asks softly, running his fingers carefully over Cas’ skin.

“Perfect, Sir,” Cas answers, muscles soft and pliant under Dean’s touch.

Dean chuckles softly, kissing between his shoulder blades. “Good. I did it just for you. I know you love when I hold you down real tight and have my way with you.”

Cas moans appreciatively at his words. “Love it…”

“Good boy. Now, this is the last part, but it’s going to take us a while. We gotta get you nice and relaxed for what’s coming. Gonna open you up real slow.”

Cas hums in response, then cranes his neck to look back at him. “What’s coming?”

Dean smirks. “Well if I told you it wouldn’t be a surprise, now would it? You just relax and let me handle that.”

“’Mkay,” he murmurs, too tired to keep asking questions. Instead he presses his cheek against the cool leather, letting his eyes close. “You can handle me…”

Dean laughs softly, starting to massage the muscles of Cas’ neck. “Don’t worry; I intend to.” He works all the way down his body, smiling at the soft, pleased noises escaping the man under him. By the time he’s done, Cas is a half-asleep pile of jelly under his palms. “How’s that feel?” he asks softly.

“’Mazing,” Cas murmurs.

Dean grins. “Yeah? You look pretty relaxed, but I don’t know…I think you might still be holding some tension right about here.” He lets his fingertips brush lightly over his entrance, and Cas gasps sharply, jolting against the leather holding him down in an effort to get more. “Something tells me you agree,” Dean chuckles.

“Please…” he huffs out against the leather. “Need you.”

Dean smiles, slowly trailing kisses down his spine. “I know, baby. You have me.” When he reaches the bottom he pauses, letting his hot breath ghost over him and watching the muscles of Cas’ back jump, before slowly dragging his tongue over the soft, pink flesh. Cas gives a breathless moan in response, fingers clenching around the legs of the bench before he goes limp. Dean grins to himself as he continues to tease him, watching the stutter in his heavy breaths. Cas always had so much going on in his head, and while he always submitted beautifully, it wasn’t often that Dean got such total surrender from him. When it did happen, he relished in it, wishing he could capture the incredible way Cas fell apart.

He jerks hard against his restraints again when Dean slowly pushes his tongue past the tight ring of muscle, a shaky moan leaving his lips. “Oh God…”

Dean chuckles, running a soothing palm along his thigh. “I know, baby. You love when I lick you open like this, don’t you?” Gone beyond words, Cas nods eagerly. “That’s my good boy.” He eases a finger in beside his tongue, and Cas shudders.

He appears to attempt to form words for a moment, but what comes out doesn’t make sense. Dean smiles, pressing soft kisses to the backs of his thighs and continuing to open him up, adding a second finger as he waits patiently. The wait is worth it. “L-Love when you p-play with my body Sir…”

Dean hums in approval. “I do love playing with it. It’s so pretty, the way it reacts to me…” Cas only mewls in response. Despite his recent orgasm, it isn’t long before Cas starts to writhe in his bonds again. “So pretty for me,” Dean murmurs, nuzzling between his shoulder blades. “Gonna cum on my fingers, aren’t you? Get you nice and open for me…tease this greedy hole until it’ll take anything I want, huh?”

This time it’s the slow drag of Dean’s tongue along his spine that sets him off, and he cries out something not even he can understand. He mewls in wordless thanks when Dean backs off his prostate, though the fingers still move slowly in and out. When another finger joins the first three, Cas gasps, looking back at him, clearly recognizing the difference. “Sir…?” he whispers curiously.

Dean smiles, rubbing his free hand slowly up and down Cas’ back, grounding him. “You’ve asked me about this,” he says, spreading his fingers a little and chuckling at Cas’ breathless gasp. “I suppose this was more my hesitation than yours. But I’ve been thinking, and I think you can handle it. What do you think? Wanna try?”

Rather than respond (And Dean is fairly sure that Cas couldn’t string the words together to answer the question at the moment anyway), Cas bucks back against his hand as much as he can, moaning lewdly to show his approval. Dean laughs, biting possessively at the still-red flesh of his ass, drawing a pleased sound out of him as he carefully tucks his thumb in under his other fingers, slowly applying pressure. Despite Cas’ loose-limbed stance, Dean takes it slow, gradually pushing further a few centimeters at a time before pulling back. Cas cums twice more during the process, though the last one is weak and leaves him shaking, barely anything spurting out of his tired cock to join the small puddle forming under his hips. Dean murmurs soft praises into his skin, and Cas stays relaxed until Dean’s knuckles are just on the cusp of his rim, when the muscles in his back tense as he draws in a strained breath. Dean backs off, murmuring soothingly.

“Can’t do it,” Cas mumbles against the leather, shaking his head. “Too much…”

Dean shushes him softly, stroking his free hand up the back of Cas’ thigh. “Deep breaths, baby. Can you tell me what your safeword is?”

“Angel, Sir,” he answers, shuddering as Dean’s fingers brush lightly over his prostate again. “Not using it now…”

Dean smirks, rubbing a hand over his tender ass. “Good. You can do this, baby. I know you can take it. Think you can stay relaxed for me like a good boy?” Cas moans softly, nodding as his hips lift off the bench slightly. Dean slowly presses further, watching his reactions carefully. “Good boy,” he murmurs. “Don’t tense. Just stay relaxed and take deep breaths. I’m gonna take good care of you.” He presses forward again, murmuring soft encouragements and smiling as Cas’ body slowly yields to the pressure. Cas gives a few pained whimpers, but does as he’s told, pushing back against him a little despite the discomfort. He gasps sharply as his muscles suddenly clench tight around Dean’s wrist, the sound matched only by Dean’s possessive growl.

“Jesus fucking Christ…” Dean moans, running the fingers of his free hand lightly around Cas’ rim and chuckling as the other man squirms. “Holy shit…took it like a champ, didn’t you? Got my whole hand in that greedy hole.” He experiments, carefully unfurling his fingers and then slowly clenching them into a fist. Cas shouts and shudders again. Despite his earlier reservations and his determination to do this for Cas’ pleasure, he finds that he likes it, the rush of control curling hot around his spine. “Fuck Cas, you’re so fucking sexy like this…”

He experiments with different movements, pulling a variety of delicious sounds from the shivering man under him, before pressing his hand down against Cas’ sweet spot. Cas screams, bucking wildly in his restraints. He draws in a desperate breath, shaking his head. “Can’t…please…Sir, can’t cum again…nothing left…”

Dean shushes him softly, lightening his touch over Cas’ prostate, but not moving away from it completely. He understands the game now; Cas wants to be reassured, to be made to push his limits. “You’re doing so well,” he murmurs, pressing soft kisses along his lower back. “Doing everything I’ve asked of you. I think you can be a good boy for me just a little longer, don’t you?”

Cas whimpers desperately, a sob escaping him as Dean continues to caress his inner walls. “Sir, please…I can’t!”

“Well I guess we’ll see, won’t we? Gonna make you lose it one last time. Gonna work you real good baby boy, nice and slow, gonna make you cum so hard…”

Dean’s not sure if it’s the words or the movements of his hand, but it’s only a few moments before he has Cas yelling hoarsely as he convulses through one final, totally dry orgasm. It takes a few long minutes for Cas’ worn-out body to relax enough for him to slowly pull his hand free, and even then Cas still shudders and moans. The second his hand comes out Cas starts a high-pitched keen, and Dean frowns with worry. “Cas? Baby, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” Cas shakes his head, unable to form words, but manages to buck his hips up again, and Dean has to think for a minute before he gets it. “Oh. You don’t like being empty, is that it?” A nod. Dean grins, moving over to the shelf and selecting a butt plug before returning to his side. “I’m sure we can fix that. Hush. Don’t worry, I gotcha.”

Cas sobs with relief, his distressed whimpers quieting when he feels the tip of the plug teasing at his entrance. Though he knows he doesn’t really need to, Dean works it in slowly. Cas lets out a strangled yelp as it slides into place against his prostate, then falls completely limp under Dean’s hands. Kneeling down beside where his cheek is pressed to the leather, Dean discovers that he’s out cold, and he can’t help but laugh at the fact that Cas orgasmed himself into unconsciousness. He strokes his palms slowly over his still-shaking form, and after a few seconds his eyes flutter open again. “Cas?” Dean murmurs, stroking his hair lightly. “You with me?”

It takes a minute before Cas seems to hear him, and he slowly looks up, eyes wide and unfocused. Dean smiles fondly, slowly running his fingertips along his back. “Drifted away from me, huh?” he murmurs softly. Cas’ mouth opens, but nothing comes out, and after a minute it closes. “That’s alright baby. I’ve got you. Just relax. I’ll be right here with you when you’re ready.” Cas’ eyes close again, and Dean smiles, keeping light contact with him so he knows Dean is here. Gently, he starts unfastening his restraints, loosening the cuffs but not removing them completely, careful not to jerk him out of his head too fast. He slowly picks up the prone body, smiling when it leans into his chest obediently. It takes a bit of maneuvering, but he manages to get them both into the bathtub, settling Cas in his lap and gently cleaning him up while he watches him drift, body soft and pliant against him. Dean murmurs soft praises, keeping his touch light and smiling to himself at how small and childlike Cas looks this way.

He’s in so deep that the water has started to cool, prompting Dean to drain it halfway and refill the tub with warm water, by the time he feels Cas start to come back to himself, and the man purrs at the light hand stroking along his spine. “You did so good, Cas. I’m so proud of you.” Cas makes a soft grunting sound, pressing closer. “I’ve got you, baby,” Dean assures him. “Time to come back to me. Nice and slow. That’s it. Deep breaths.” Cas comes back like a diver breaking the surface for air in slow motion. Slowly, Cas looks up at him, his expression a mixture of puzzlement and wonder. Dean smiles indulgently at the innocent expression, kissing his forehead softly. “Hey, there you are. You went somewhere far away for a while there. You feel okay?” Cas nods, not ready to try speaking yet. “Good. I’m so proud of you sweetheart. Take your time. I’m here.”

The next time Cas opens his mouth, all that comes out is a sob. It surprises them both, but another one follows, and Dean holds him closer, stroking lightly through his hair. “Hey, it’s okay, you’re okay,” he murmurs softly. “Just let it out. Just you and me here. I’ve got you, baby boy. Take it easy.”

Cas sniffs, pressing his face against Dean’s neck. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, “I don’t know why…”

Dean shushes him softly. “Well, you did cum so hard you blacked out for a minute,” he teases gently. “And you were really, really deep in your headspace. Your brain is just a little confused, that’s all. It’ll even out. You just hang onto me. I’ll keep you together.”

That sounds like a wonderful idea to Cas, so he nods, laughing despite his tears and letting Dean hold his pieces until he can fit them together again. “You called me that before too,” he whispers once he’s gathered himself a little more.

Dean frowns for a moment, confused. “Called you what?”

Cas blushes. “Baby boy.”

“Oh,” Dean says, surprised. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize. I’m not sure where that came from. I guess you just looked so adorable and helpless. Probably my protective streak.”

Cas shifts a little, turning a deeper shade of red. “Is it…weird if I kinda liked it?”

Dean chuckles, leaning in to kiss him softly. “No, of course not. I’ll keep that in mind. How do you feel?”

“Exhausted,” he answers after a pause. “I don’t think I’ve ever been so tired in my life. But also really good and kind of tingly. Did I really black out?”

Dean smiles. “Good. And yeah, just for a minute at the end. You’ll be a little sore later, once it wears off a little. But you did so good. Honestly, I was worried I’d freak you out.”

Cas laughs softly. “What, are you telling me putting bits of metal in their cocks and your whole hand up their ass hasn’t made all your ex-boyfriends fall madly in love with you?”

Dean snorts. “I can honestly say you’re the first one I’ve ever tried with.” He smirks. “Why, did it work?”

“I don’t know,” Cas teases. “I’m feeling pretty in love. Although that could just be the…what, four? Orgasms I had talking.”

“Five,” Dean corrects. “But who’s counting?”

“Right, right. You know, I knew you were planning something, but that…was not what I expected.” He smiles softly, brushing his fingers along Dean’s cheek. “Thank you,” he says softly. “I know you did this for me.”

Dean smiles, kissing his forehead softly. “Of course. After everything, I just wanted to make you feel good. Come on baby, let’s go get you settled.” He carefully picks Cas up, cradling him against his chest and wrapping him in a towel before carrying him into the bedroom and carefully setting him down. Cas gasps as the plug inside him shifts, and he looks at Dean questioningly. “Don’t look at me like that,” Dean chuckles. “You wouldn’t stop whimpering until I put something up there, and you know I don’t like it when you’re upset. Stay right there, okay?”

Cas stretches out, nodding, and Dean slips out, gathering what he needs and returning with a tray of things Cas is too tired to look at. He sets it down before sitting down beside him, gently taking his wrist and starting to unbuckle the cuff still around it. Cas closes his eyes, pliant in Dean’s grip. “Why’d you leave them on?” he asks curiously.

“I didn’t want to pull you out of your head too fast,” Dean explains, unbuckling the other one and examining his wrists. “Besides, a little water won’t hurt them. You put up quite a struggle, didn’t you?” he chuckles, kissing over the slightly reddened skin.

“You know me,” Cas grins. “Have to test your work.”

Dean laughs, gently turning him onto his belly and sitting between his knees. Cas moans softly into the pillow as he takes hold of the plug, slowly working it free. “Ready for another round already?”

Cas groans, squirming as Dean gently spreads his cheeks, slipping two fingers into his loose hole. “Not just yet,” he answers breathlessly, gasping.

“Shh, shh,” Dean soothes, grounding him with a light hand against his lower back. “Just gotta make sure you’re okay. Deep breaths for me.” His fingers feel along the smooth walls for a minute before slowly withdrawing, and he presses a soft kiss between his shoulder blades. Cas hears the click of a cap before Dean’s hands return, rubbing cream into the sore skin of his ass, shushing him softly when he whimpers. “Good boy,” he murmurs when he’s finished. “You did good.” Cas groans in protest when Dean pulls him up into his lap, dragging the pillow with him. “I know you’re tired sweetheart. Just need you to eat a little something for me, and then I’ll let you sleep, okay? I promise.” Cas nods reluctantly, curling up against Dean’s chest, but he swallows obediently when Dean tips a glass of water against his lips. Cas’ eyes close, and the glass disappears, only to be replaced with the sweet taste of fruit being offered from Dean’s fingers. Dean kisses his temple softly, murmuring praises until the bowl is empty. His fingers travel to the back of Cas’ collar, stroking it lightly. “Can I take this off now?” Cas whines softly. “Okay, how about if I just loosen it a little?” He thinks for a moment, then nods, lifting his chin a little as Dean loosens it, kissing the back of his neck softly. “Alright baby, you’re all done. Just relax now. I’m so, so proud of you.”

Cas snuggles closer, his grip tightening slightly. “Love you, Dean,” he murmurs, opening one eye and glancing up at him.

Dean grins back, lifting his chin to kiss him softly. “Love you too, baby boy. Go to sleep.”

Cas flushes, but he doesn’t even make it through his answering laugh before he falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See, I told you it was porn. But even so, I'd love to hear what you guys think! Drop me a line!
> 
> Love,  
> TheSongSmith


	14. Fervor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovelies! Life is crazy. But I've been working on this one for a while and wanted to post it for you. Happy Friday!

In the morning, Dean wakes up to find Cas sprawled across his chest, pressed as close as possible. He chuckles, running his fingers lightly along his spine as he stirs. Cas purrs softly, blinking up at him. “Morning sweetheart,” Dean murmurs. He grins, leaning closer to kiss him softly. “I take it that means you’re feeling okay?”

Cas chuckles, nodding and snuggling closer. “Feel great…incredibly sore in the best possible way.”

Dean smiles, kissing his forehead softly. “I think we can handle that. Let me go run you a bath.”

“Shh…” Cas murmurs, putting a hand over his mouth. “’M clean…”

“I know you are,” Dean laughs. “It’ll help your muscles feel better. Come on, let’s get you-”

He’s cut off by the hand over his mouth again, and he laughs, licking at the palm playfully before sucking two of the fingers into his mouth, making Cas laugh. “That’s a much better idea,” Cas murmurs, slowly withdrawing them. “Is that a suggestion or a promise?”

Dean snorts. “I’ve created a monster, haven’t I?”

“You have indeed,” Cas answers, kissing him softy. “My turn.”

“I thought you were sore,” Dean chuckles. “We should be getting you in the bathtub.”

“Not much point,” he answers teasingly. “You’ll only need another one later. We’re conserving water.”

Dean laughs. “Oh, I see. I’m glad we’re being environmentally conscious.” He tilts his head to the side as Cas’ lips migrate down his neck, moaning softly at the feeling of his teeth and the low growl that escapes him. “This is what you want, huh?”

Cas hums against his pulse before nipping it lightly. “Yes. And since I behaved yesterday, you have to go along with what I want.”

“Is that how that works?” Dean teases.

“So much talking,” Cas grins, slipping his fingers back into Dean’s mouth. “Wanna hear your pretty moans instead, beautiful…” He bites down harder on his neck, and Dean obliges, moaning louder around the intrusion. “Much better,” he purrs. “Maybe I want to take you apart this time. What do you think?”

Dean groans softly, sucking harder around his fingers in answer, and Cas laughs. “We’re in agreement, then. You gonna behave for me?” Dean nods eagerly, licking at his fingers as they move away. Cas hums, planting kisses down his chest, his fingers moving to toy with Dean’s nipple, hearing his sharp gasp. He grins, teasing the other one with his mouth while he pinches and pulls, making him shudder. “You know,” he says conversationally, “I think I could do this all day.” He laughs at Dean’s wary expression. “I won’t though. Not now, anyway. But still, I think I owe you something after yesterday.”

“Not that I’m complaining,” Dean manages, “But you really should be taking it easy….and you don’t owe me anything. It was my pleasure.”

Cas rolls his eyes playfully at Dean’s concern. “Always so worried about me.” He thinks for a moment, then grins. “I can do both. And even if I don’t owe you, that doesn’t mean I don’t want to properly express my appreciation. Here, turn over.”

He shifts over, pulling Dean over onto his side and pushing one of his knees up before sliding further down the bed. Dean gasps sharply as Cas’ lips wrap around him, one hand coming to rest in his hair. “Jesus Cas, give a guy some warning…”

He goes quiet as Cas’ wet fingers start circling his hole, lifting his top leg higher. Cas laughs, stroking him slowly while he kisses and licks at Dean’s hip. “That was fast. Is that how I get you to shut up?”

“Certainly doesn’t hurt,” Dean answers. He moans into the pillow when one of Cas’ fingers slowly enters him, panting softly. “I think you’ll be the death of me,” he murmurs.

Cas hums softly. “But what a way to go.”

Dean twitches, letting out a sharp “Jesus…” as Cas finds his prostate.

“I’m fairly certain that’s blasphemy,” Cas teases.

“I’m fairly certain I didn’t tell you to stop,” he growls in response.

Cas snorts, but wraps his lips around Dean’s cock again, making quick work of it as his finger rubs at his prostate until Dean can’t help but fall into the rhythm of it, his thrusts becoming erratic as he gets closer.

“Cas…fuck, baby…Cas!” he shouts, shuddering through his release.

When he’s finished Cas slowly pulls away, pressing close again and kissing him softly. “Okay,” he says, grinning, “Now we can take a bath.”

Dean laughs breathlessly, panting into Cas’ shoulder. “You’re unbelievable, you know that?”

Cas smirks. “But you love me.”

“That I do,” he sighs. “Come on, let’s get cleaned up. And you’d better behave yourself.”

They make it into the bathtub without incident, Cas settling in Dean’s lap as he rubs the tension from his shoulders. “So, you were a little worked up yesterday, huh?”

Dean chuckles. “I couldn’t help it. Did you see yourself?”

“I was a little busy,” he chuckles. “But I hear it was a good show.”

Dean hums in agreement. “That might be the understatement of the century. God, You were so good. I mean, you’re always good, but the way you fell apart for me was just…perfect.”

Cas flushes at the praise, shrugging. “I was mostly just hanging on for the ride,” he answers, shrugging sheepishly. “I trust you. I knew whatever it was you were going to do would be good.” He pauses. “It’s almost scary how easy it is with you. I’d let you do just about anything.”

Dean makes a thoughtful sound. “Why do you think that is?”

“Because…I just know you’d never do anything to put me in danger,” he answers after a minute. “Even if something sounds scary…I know the only way you’d do it to me is if you knew what you were doing. I trust you to make those decisions, so…I don’t have to worry about them anymore.”

Dean smiles, kissing the back of his neck softly. “Are you sure you haven’t had years of experience subbing?”

Cas laughs. “Can’t say I have. Why?”

“Because you’re a natural,” he chuckles. “I mean it. The way you let go is…incredible. A lot of people take months, or even years, to get anywhere close to that. It’s human nature to fear vulnerability. That’s why submission is so hard. But you crave it instead. And I’m so lucky to be the one you give that to.”

Cas smiles, leaning back against him. “I think I’m pretty lucky too, to have found someone so good at this. And patient. It has to be annoying answering all my dumb questions.”

Dean chuckles, shrugging. “You make it worth my while, I assure you. And you’re eager to learn. There’s no one I’d rather share my experience with than you.”

“Speaking of experience…how do you know all of this stuff?” Cas asks curiously. “I mean, I get that you’ve been doing this for a while, but every time you pull out something I have no idea about, and you’re just so good at it, whatever it is.”

“It’s like any job, really,” Dean muses. “I just keep learning. There are plenty of workshops about rope techniques and classes about new devices or ways to play. You have to stay on top of your field. And usually I practice. As a general rule, I won’t do anything to you that I haven’t done to myself, or had done to me.”

Cas turns to look at him. “Really? Even the sounding?”

Dean chuckles. “Yeah. You handled it a lot better than I did the first time. But it’s important to me that I know what something is like. It helps me understand where your head is, and what I need to be careful of, and what I need to do to make it as good as possible for you. So it looks like I’m some kind of sex genius, but really I just make all the mistakes on myself.”

“Isn’t that scary sometimes?” he asks.

“Yeah, kind of,” Dean admits. “But I’d much rather make the mistakes on myself than lose your trust. It’s too important to me to make dumb mistakes. Speaking of trying things on me, I had an idea about the whole whip situation.”

Cas raises an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“I know we still have to wait a couple of weeks, but I thought maybe we could use that time to help. I don’t want you to be scared when we do try it.”

Cas nods slowly. “Okay…What did you have in mind?”

“Two things, actually,” he explains. “We haven’t done much in the way of pain play yet. We could start to explore it with some lighter instruments to see how you like it, and see if it’s something you really want.”

Cas bites his lip nervously for a moment. “I don’t know…I’m not sure if I could do it.”

Dean smiles, brushing his hair back lightly. “That’s why it’s called trying. I know it sounds scary, but it’s actually a lot of different sensations you haven’t experienced yet. You like it when I spank you, don’t you?” Cas blushes, but nods. “Okay. Why?”

He frowns, thinking for a moment. “Because it feels good,” he says finally. “I mean, it hurts, but it’s not…I get sort of lost in it. It’s…”

“A good kind of pain?” Dean suggests. Cas nods. “See? That’s already a type of pain play that you like. I’m not saying you’ll like all of it. But you already enjoy some of it. Is trying out some different kinds really so scary?”

“When you put it that way, I guess not,” Cas admits. “I know you wouldn’t push me too far. As long as you don’t go crazy with it, I think I can try.”

Dean chuckles, nodding. “I promise I won’t put meat hooks under your skin and hang you from the ceiling.”

Cas turns, his eyes wide. “Is that something that people do?”

Dean laughs, kissing him softly. “Actually, yes. Not a lot of people, but it works for some.”

“I don’t think I’m there yet,” he says quickly.

“Agreed. But we can try some more widely used practices and see if you like anything. And if you don’t we won’t use it again. I think it’ll help you know what to expect a little better.”

Cas nods thoughtfully. “That’s fair. Okay. What was the second thing?”

Dean smiles. “I know it’s still going to scare you. So I was thinking that maybe you’d be less scared of it if you tried it on me first.”

“What?” Cas asks, shocked. “I couldn’t do that. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You wouldn’t hurt me,” Dean answers.

Cas frowns at him for a minute. “You’d really let me do that to you?”

“If that’s what it takes to show you that this isn’t something to fear, then sure. I trust you.”

“But…I don’t have a clue what I’m doing,” he argues.

Dean shrugs. “So we’ll ask Benny to come over and teach you. It’s not something we have to do, and you don’t have to decide right now. I just want you to know that I’m open to it, if it’ll help you feel better about this. I don’t want you to be afraid of me.”

Cas stares at him for a moment, then hugs him tightly. “You would do that for me?”

“Of course I would. Cas, it’s not the instrument itself that’s scary. It’s who’s behind it that makes a difference.”

“Do you…like it?” Cas asks curiously.

Dean shrugs. “It’s not my favorite. But I don’t mind it. I know for the most part we don’t switch in the playroom, but if you think it would help you relax, I’m okay with making an exception.”

Cas smiles, nodding slowly. “I’ll think about it. Honestly, the offer kind of helps. It can’t be that bad if you’d volunteer. But I definitely think we can start working on the first part. Especially if it’s as much fun as the spanking.”

Dean chuckles at the blush that spreads over Cas’ cheeks, kissing him softly. “What are you embarrassed about? It’s just me here. I’m the one who did it, remember? I had my hand inside your body yesterday. You’re not going to tell me anything I don’t know.” He smirks. “Besides, if I didn’t already know you liked being spanked, your moaning usually gives it away.”

Cas goes redder, shoving him lightly. “Shut up…it’s just weird to talk about it so casually. I’m still not quite used to that.”

“Communication is important,” Dean smiles. “As long as you know I’m not going to judge you for whatever you like or don’t like. Now, let’s dry off and check you over one more time so I can stop worrying about hurting you.”

Once out of the tub, Cas dries off quickly, then sprawls out on the bed, sighing softly into a pillow. Dean chuckles, climbing up to kneel between his knees, sliding his hands up Cas’ sides as he drapes himself over his back. “Is this part of the check?” Cas mumbles.

Dean grins against the back of his neck, nuzzling into his hair. “Nope. Just me not being able to resist you like this.”

Cas chuckles, sighing softly when Dean starts pressing kisses into his skin. Eventually Dean remembers what he’s supposed to be doing, and Cas arches his back as Dean reaches down to spread his cheeks. “Everything alright down there?” Cas prods when Dean gets distracted licking and nibbling at the base of his spine where the curve of his ass starts.

“Hmm…?” Dean mumbles. “Oh, yeah. Everything looks amazing.”

He rolls his eyes, but can’t help the little huff of pleasure that escapes him. “So, you just gonna take in the view?”

“Depends,” Dean answers, fingertips brushing lightly over his hole. “How’s it feel down there?”

“A little sore,” Cas says after a moment. “But you prepped me so well, it’s really not all that uncomfortable. Better, with whatever you’re doing,” he teases.

Dean chuckles, biting at the still-tender skin of his ass cheek before shifting to lave his tongue over Cas’ hole and laughing at Cas’ gasp. “What? I have to check out the inside too, and I wouldn’t want to hurt you.” He smirks. “Besides, you open up so pretty on my tongue.”

Cas moans helplessly into the pillow, pushing his hips back towards Dean. “Do you think it’s possible… _fuck_ …to die via orgasm?” he mumbles.

Dean snorts. “God, I hope so. For the record, that’s the way I want to go.”

He returns to his task, and Cas can’t do more than pant softly as he grips the pillow tightly, at the mercy of Dean’s intense focus. Dean doesn’t seem to be in much of a hurry, teasing leisurely around his rim, then covering him with wet licks and sloppy kisses as the muscles slowly submit to him. Cas thinks he might die from the sound alone, and Dean makes a quiet rumbling sound when his breaths start to go shaky. Had he been in his right mind, Cas might have been embarrassed at the meek whimper that escapes him when Dean’s tongue eases into him, but luckily he was completely, blissfully out of range of his right mind, and the possessive little growl that answers the embarrassing noise makes him shudder. He can’t help but smile when he thinks that the idea of being opened like this for Dean to do what he pleases, especially outside of their playroom dynamic, would have scandalized the old Castiel. And it had taken a while for Cas to agree to this when Dean brought it up. It was messy and dirty and _wrong_ , but here, in their bed, where he was just _Cas_ , with a man who loved him happily sprawled between his legs, it was _so, so good._ So he can’t even blame himself for how hard it makes him that the only sounds in the room are loud, wet slurps and the pathetic little whimpers and moans that answer them.

It seems like forever before Dean has one, and then two fingers working in beside his tongue, and Cas is reduced to a quivering puddle beneath him, soft sounds of pleasure falling from his open mouth. To his credit, Dean does do a careful check, then goes back to slowly breaking him apart. “Did I pass inspection?” Cas mumbles cheekily.

“With flying colors,” Dean chuckles. “Everything looks perfect aside from a little swelling, which is normal.” His voice drops a little. “But you look so gorgeous when you’re spread out for me like this.” Cas shudders, whining softly. “Of course, I can stop if you want.”

“Don’t you dare!” he growls. Dean laughs, pressing kisses to the backs of his thighs as he continues to open him up gently. Cas closes his eyes, melting into the bed and letting the sensations wash over him, whimpering softly as Dean’s thumb presses into the spot just behind his balls as his fingers move slowly. When his tongue isn’t busy he murmurs soft praises into Cas’ skin, giving an appreciative little moan when Cas twitches, clenching down around his fingers, before diving back in with a kind of reckless enthusiasm.

 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

It’s that kind of behavior that made Cas wary at first. Every now and then, Dean did something like this; something that usually made Cas see stars, but seemed to have nothing in it for Dean. For a long time, Cas was suspicious, trying to figure out what he wanted in return. There had to be something, but Dean often gently rebuffed his advances after Cas’ turn was done, insisting that he’d done enough, even though he was naked and dazed next to a mostly-clothed and untouched Dean. Eventually, his inability to determine what Dean wanted became so frustrating that he burst into hot, angry tears one night after Dean had once again pushed his hand away.

 _What’s the matter, Dean?_ He’d shouted through his tears. _Why won’t you let me touch you?_

Dean’s expression was a mixture of shock and alarm and worry as he gathered Cas close, hugging him tightly to his chest. He paused for a moment, then looked down at him, asking quietly how he felt. The question caught him off guard, and it took a minute to come up with the right word. _Rejected,_ he said finally. _Like you don’t want me anymore_.

Dean frowned, confusion and pain clear in his eyes, before pulling Cas’ chin up for a soft kiss. _Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I never meant for it to come off that way. Of course I still want you. I love you. That’s why I do this._

It was Cas’ turn to be confused, and Dean stroked his hair softly while he stumbled through an explanation. _I’m not always great with words,_ he started. _And I know I can’t always get them out the right way to tell you how important you are to me. But I want to treat you the way you deserve to be treated; like something worth caring for. I do this for you because…I want you to feel how treasured and cherished you and what you’ve given me are, even if I can’t tell you that myself. I haven’t let you return the favor because I don’t want you to think that this is just about getting sex from you. It’s not. It’s…a way to worship you, and the incredible gifts you’ve given me. I love you so much, Cas. And I love making you happy. Besides, I get something out of it too._

Cas sniffled a little, the anger draining out of him as he looked up into Dean’s concerned gaze. _What do you get out of it?_ he’d asked softly.

Dean blushed slightly while he explained that he wasn’t entirely sure what did it; if it was the power of being able to render him speechless while he broke into pieces, or if it was the way he felt useful when he could give Cas something good, but something about the act of it got under his skin, filling a hole somewhere that he wasn’t sure what to do with otherwise. _I never realized it might feel like a rejection to you,_ he said honestly. _I’m so sorry. I just didn’t want you to think that the only think I liked about you was the sex. Don’t get me wrong, it is great,_ he grinned, and Cas laughed. _But it’s not the only thing. You bring so much more than that to my life. I just wanted to show my appreciation._

 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

It was a conversation they’d needed to have, Cas thought, remembering it fondly while Dean hums contentedly, his tongue pushing deeper. It had still taken a bit of adjustment, but he feels it now, in the patient, unhurried movements and the way Dean seems to lose himself to the act a little bit more with each muffled moan Cas lets out. _Worship_. It’s Dean’s way of showing him how pleased he is to have him around, how important he is in Dean’s life. And finally, Cas understands. The reason he does this, slowly guiding him to the edge, is for the pure joy of watching him tumble over.

The sensations coursing through Cas start to change, and every time he thinks they can’t possibly get stronger, that he’s definitely about to explode, they ratchet up a little higher until he’s a quivering, needy mess under Dean’s gentle hands. “Dean…” he gasps, his voice coming out entirely more moan-like than he intended. “Fuck, so good…’s different…”

He can feel Dean grin against his skin, and he knows something is up, but Dean just continues his leisurely movements. “Yeah? What’s it feel like?”

“Need to cum…” he whimpers, “But I can’t… _Oh God Dean…_ but it doesn’t hurt… just- _fuck yeah_ , right there…warm…tingly…”

Dean chuckles softly. “Oh sweetheart, you’re in for a surprise. Take a deep breath and let it happen.” The hand on Cas’ hip disappears, only to smack down hard against the left side of his ass a moment later, forcing him to clench down around Dean’s fingers. Cas cries out as his whole body seizes up, shaking uncontrollably as wave after wave of hot pleasure rolls through him. He doesn’t miss Dean’s raw moan, or the fact that his fingers and tongue are still moving, and that, rather than being uncomfortable and overstimulating, it only causes the arousal to start building inside him again.

“Dean, what…” he gasps out, fingers scrambling at the sheets.

“Did you know there’s multiple ways to orgasm?” he says conversationally. Cas whimpers, shaking his head as his hips rock back of their own accord. “Not everyone can do it,” he continues. “But you just did. And since there’s no refractory time this way, theoretically, I can make you do that as many times as you want to. What do you think?” Cas doesn’t answer, his eyes rolling back as he shudders through a second orgasm, bewildered at how the slow, gentle motions could start such a fire in him and eagerly pushing back for more. Dean chuckles, happily obliging. “Good, isn’t it?” he murmurs. “I’ll keep going as long as you want. You just tell me when you’re ready to stop, and once you’re coherent again I’ll explain.”

Cas nods frantically, sure the sounds coming out of his mouth are the dirtiest noises he’s ever made, but unable to care as the wave of pleasure pulls him back under. When he can breathe next he moans loudly, arching his back. “ _Dean_ …fuck Dean, please…”

“You ready baby?” he manages a nod, and Dean grins. “Okay, here’s the last one. Deep breath. Cum for me, baby boy…”

Cas knows he’s screaming, but he can’t seem to control any part of his body, and he’s also too preoccupied to care. He comes back slowly, feeling the soft kisses and murmured praise being pressed into his skin. He manages a groan, still shaky and twitching occasionally at the aftershocks. Dean chuckles, holding him close. “You’re so beautiful, you know that?”

He flushes, pressing into Dean’s chest until he can remember how to form words. “The hell was that?” he rasps, making Dean laugh as he strokes a hand through his sweaty hair.

“So, incredible, Cas,” he murmurs, pressing soft kisses around his face. “I knew you could cum untouched, but goddamn that was beautiful.”

Cas hums in agreement, holding onto him tightly. “What exactly did I do?”

“It’s a different kind of orgasm,” he explains, his hand sliding down to cup under Cas’ ass, making him shudder again. “There’s a lot of nerve endings in this area. Yours happen to be particularly sensitive once you get going. And sometimes, if you’re relaxed and patient enough, you can bypass the first trigger and make it better. It wasn’t exactly my intention, but once I realized where you were headed I couldn’t resist. You didn’t even try to get yourself off.”

“It felt good,” Cas protests sheepishly. “I didn’t want it to stop.”

Dean chuckles, leaning in to kiss him again. “Well I think that was a good decision. You doing okay?”

Cas nods, stretching out on the bed. “Great. But I don’t think we’re getting out of bed anytime soon.”

“We might,” Dean answers. “Some of my colleagues are getting together at a club to hang out later. They’ve been begging me to take you out and show you off. It’s up to you, of course. And if you don’t feel up to it we can always wait.”

Cas makes an interested hum, considering it. “When you say your colleagues, I take it you don’t mean mechanics.”

Dean grins. “You’d be right in that assumption.”

“I’ve never been to that kind of club,” Cas admits. “What would I have to do?”

“Nothing you don’t want to,” Dean assures him quickly. “No one will touch you without permission, and we’re not putting on a show. It’ll just be some like-minded people getting together for drinks. Except, you know, some of them will be accompanied by other people on leashes.”

Cas laughs, glancing up at him. “Sounds interesting. Are you going to leash me too?”

Dean smirks. “Only if you want me too. But we don’t have to go if you’re too tired.”

“No, I want to go,” Cas decides. “It’d be interesting to talk to some other people.”

He nods, grinning and kissing his forehead. “Alright then you’d better get some rest.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yayyyy excitement! Please be sure to drop me a line if you enjoy the story, it really inspires me to keep going!
> 
> Love,  
> TheSongSmith


	15. Nightlife

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Having kind of a rough week, so I figured I'd work on this/post it for you. I have some more written but decided to split it into two chapters because it was getting super long. Enjoy!

When Cas gets out of the shower, he finds Dean in the playroom, fiddling with a small box in the wall. “What are you doing?” he asks curiously.

Dean glances over his shoulder, smiling. “Making sure this thing works,” he answers. He finishes what he’s doing and closes it up, holding out a small circular device. “Go ahead, give it a shot.”

Cas takes it curiously, pressing down on the button and jumping when a loud tone reverberates around the room. “What’s that for?”

“It’s like a kind of safeword,” Dean explains. “Painplay can be intense, and I figured we’d both feel better if you knew you could get my attention even if you couldn’t say your word.”

Cas grins, leaning up to kiss him softly. “You’re my favorite, you know that?”

Dean chuckles, hugging him back. “I appreciate that. So, you ready to go?”

“Almost. Actually, I was kinda wondering if there was anything specific I had to do, or wear or something.”

He grins, kissing Cas’ cheek. “I’m not sure you’re up for the French maid outfit just yet,” he teases. Cas pouts at him, and he laughs. “Relax, honey. It’s whatever you’re comfortable with. I’d like to put your collar on you if you’re okay with that, but I’m not all that concerned with what you wear right now. It’s not a formal event. I just want you to have fun. It’s a new experience.” He thinks for a moment, then smiles. “Tell you what. I’m going to go shower. If there’s anything in here that you particularly want to use, feel free. And if there’s not, then that’s perfectly fine. Deal?”

Cas nods, watching him walk away before carefully considering the contents of the drawers. He finds what he’s looking for, slipping back into the bedroom and getting dressed before Dean gets out. He watches him get ready, grinning to himself until Dean raises an eyebrow at him. “What are you looking at?”

“Enjoying the view,” Cas answers cheekily, taking in the fitted jeans and dark leather jacket he wears. “You’re rather attractive.”

Dean laughs, kissing him softly. “Well I can’t blame you for that. You want to wear your collar now or wait until we get there?”

Cas considers it for a moment, then kneels beside the bed. Dean smiles, stroking his cheek lightly for a moment before picking up his collar. “Alright then. Now, it’ll probably be a little overwhelming. You’re going to see a lot of different kinds of relationships. Just remember, you don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with, and if anything makes you uncomfortable you just tell me and I’ll take care of it, okay?”

“Yes Sir,” he grins. He pauses for a minute, then sheepishly reaches into his pocket, holding up the long leather strip.

Dean chuckles, taking it from him. “You like my possessive streak, don’t you?”

“Maybe a little,” Cas mumbles, blushing.

“Good,” Dean grins. “We’ll wait to put this on until we get there. We don’t need the neighbors thinking I’m holding you hostage.” He pulls Cas to his feet, looking him over for a moment. “You sure you’re ready to do this?”

Cas nods, taking his hand. “Ready.”

They walk to the car, Dean opening the door for him. He raises an eyebrow as Cas awkwardly climbs in, gingerly setting his weight down as Dean watches suspiciously. “Did you…plug yourself?” he asks incredulously.

Cas flushes, glancing away. “Well you said if there was anything I wanted…” He bites his lip for a moment, blushing darker as he reaches into his pocket again, holding out a small remote.

Dean gives a soft moan, unable to resist leaning in to kiss him. “You’re so good to me, you know that?”

Cas smiles, relaxing slightly at his enthusiasm. “I try my best, Sir.”

“Well, you succeed, baby.” He pockets the remote, getting into the drivers’ seat with a chuckle. “You know, if I walk in there with a boner, it’ll be all your fault.”

Cas grins. “I’m willing to accept my punishment for that, Sir.”

“I bet you are,” Dean laughs. He reaches over for Cas’ hand, his thumb moving soothingly across the back of it as he drives. “Nervous?”

“You could say that,” Cas admits. “But I’m excited too. Though I don’t really know what to expect.”

Dean smiles, kissing his knuckles softly. “It’ll probably be crowded. There’s a popular performer tonight.”

Cas raises an eyebrow at him. “Performer?”

“The main floor has a big performance space that people can sign up for. There are some smaller spaces around that are public use, but people who really want to put on a show sign up in advance.”

He frowns slightly. “And that’s…typical?” he asks. “To have everyone watch like that?”

Dean glances over at him, noticing the anxiety creeping into his expression. “You’re thinking too much,” he answers. “I promised we wouldn’t do anything you don’t want to. Some people like to have an audience. Other people don’t. It’s just personal preference. You’ll see. Besides, we’re not here for that tonight. There’s also private rooms upstairs, and specialized rooms for different kinds of play that are public, but smaller. We’ll be heading to one of the private rooms once our friends are here.”

Cas nods slowly. “And the audience…do they…participate? If someone is doing a public show?”

“Not unless they’re invited to by the person in control of the scene. That’s a very important rule here. You can look, but you don’t touch without permission. It’s how we keep everybody safe and within their limits. Some people liked to be watched, but being touched by strangers you don’t know or trust is very different. It depends on the people involved. If anyone unwelcome tries to interfere with a scene they’re immediately banned and kicked out.”

He hums thoughtfully. “Is it weird that knowing that makes me feel a little better?”

Dean chuckles. “It’s not weird. That’s the point. It’s supposed to be a space where people can be themselves, and for a lot of people that involves some degree of vulnerability. No one would want to do that if they weren’t in an environment they felt was safe. That’s why there are people who make sure the rules are followed.”

“Good to know. Are there really formal parties for this sort of thing?” he asks.

Dean nods. “There are. Benny throws a pretty nice one every year. It’s mostly the same people you’ll meet tonight, just a little more private and less casual.”

Cas smiles. “If it’s so casual, why did you want to put my collar on?”

“Because you look amazing in it,” Dean answers, grinning. “I like showing you off. And also because I want other people to know you’ve been claimed. It’s not something you have to worry about with the people we’re meeting, but on the main floor things can get a little grabby if they see someone as pretty as you by themselves.”

Cas blushes, chuckling. “Maybe the leash was a good idea, then.”

“It most definitely was,” Dean agrees. “For many reasons.” He pulls into an underground parking garage, waving at the man standing at the entrance. “It’s a little more private, for people whose outfits are a tad more revealing,” he explains. Once parked, he gets out to open Cas’ door, kissing him softly. “Do you want to keep the shirt on for now?” he asks.

Cas considers it, going over what Dean’s told him. “No,” he says finally. “I think I’m okay without it.” Dean nods, helping him remove it and carefully folding it up, sticking it in his pocket. “Just in case you get cold,” he says, though Cas knows it’s not the temperature he’s worried about.

Dean smiles, kissing his forehead as he attaches the leash to his collar. When he pulls away, Cas grabs onto his wrist. “Wait! Am I allowed to talk to people and…make eye contact and everything?”

He chuckles softly, stroking his cheek. “You’re watching too much porn, sweetheart. Yes, you’re allowed to do all those things. You’re a human, not an animal. Formal events might have different rules, but here everyone has a different way to play. No one is going to get mad at you, and if they do they’ll have me to deal with. Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere. Ready to do this?”

Cas takes a deep breath, nodding. “Yes Sir.” Dean smiles, starting to walk toward the elevator, and the tug of the leash is surprisingly calming. Cas glances down to see the leather wrapped around Dean’s hand several times, purposely keeping the length short. It helps when the doors open into the crowded room and Dean walks forward.

At first glance, it looks very much like any nightclub, although Cas’ experience with them is limited. There are people laughing and dancing on one side of the room, music not deafening but loud enough that it makes a slight hum in Cas’ chest. On the other side there’s a bar and several tables where couples and groups sit, observing the other half of the room. It’s towards this that Dean leads him, glancing back to make sure he’s okay. “Want a drink?” Dean asks. Cas nods, observing several raised platforms and recognizing some of the gear that Dean has back home. He can’t help but blush as he watches the different couples, embarrassed to be seeing something so intimate until Dean pulls him from his thoughts by pressing a drink to his hand. He doesn’t know what Dean ordered for him, but whatever it is, it’s good, and he sips it slowly as he takes everything in. Dean keeps a hand on him, watching his expression. After a few minutes, he smiles. “Why don’t we get you a better look?”

Cas isn’t sure what that means, but he nods, following Dean behind the bar to a flight of stairs along the back wall that leads up to a second story. He shares brief words that Cas can’t hear with the man standing in front of them before he steps aside to let them through. Cas follows him up the steps to the landing, leaning into the arm that wraps around his waist as he leans against the railing. It’s much easier to see the bottom floor from up here, and much less claustrophobic, and Cas gives him a grateful smile as he points out different things. “Doing okay so far?” Dean asks as they watch.

“Fine, Sir,” he smiles.

Dean grins back. “Alright then. Let’s go see if we can find them.” He tugs at the leash again, pulling him down the walkway to the end, where a large white door sits beside long panels of mirrors. When he opens it, Cas is surprised at how much brighter it is than downstairs, and from this side the mirrors are windows that show the scene below. Four couples are seated around a low table, and they smile when Dean walks in. As soon as the door shuts the noise from downstairs fades almost completely, and Cas relaxes slightly in the quiet, recognizing Benny as he stands up to greet them.

“There you are,” he chuckles coming over to hug them. “I thought you weren’t going to make it.”

Dean shrugs. “I had to give Cas a little tour of the place. It’s busy out there tonight.”

“Well don’t make the poor boy stand there,” one of the women says teasingly. “Come have a seat and introduce us!”

Dean chuckles, running a reassuring hand down Cas’ spine as he moves forward again. “You’re so bossy!” Cas considers the seating arrangement for a moment, perplexed. Beside each low chair is a soft-looking padded square. While some of the collared people in the room kneel there, others sit in chairs or in their partner’s laps. Sensing his confusion, Dean turns, smiling at him. “Up to you,” he murmurs, low enough for only him to hear, before moving to hug and greet each of the others, buying him time to decide.

Cas considers it for a moment, then sinks down next to Dean’s chair, surprised at how comfortable it is. The table is set low enough that, even kneeling, he has full access to it, and it’s sort of reassuring. The woman settled in Benny’s lap smiles at him. “No need to be nervous,” she assures him. “We were all new once too. We’re family here. It’s nice to finally meet you, Castiel. I’ve heard all about you.”

“Cas, this is Andrea, Benny’s wife,” Dean explains.

She’s smaller than he imagined, dark hair pulled into a long brain that hangs over her shoulder. He almost misses the thin gold band around her throat, etched initials peeking out from the collar of her shirt. “Do you sub for him too?” he blurts out, then blushes. “Sorry, I mean…It’s nice to meet you too. I was just…curious.”

The other people all chuckle, and Andrea smiles. “Nothing wrong with being curious. I do occasionally.”

“Most of the time she’s the boss,” Benny whispers loudly, grinning as she turns to kiss him.

“I don’t hear you complaining.”

Cas smiles, and Dean runs a hand through his hair softly as he points around the table. “This is Meg and her partner Ruby,” he says, gesturing towards a dark-haired woman and a blonde girl who also kneels, wearing an outfit that, as far as Cas can tell, consists primarily of thin gold chains that link her wrists, ankles, and the clamps attached to her nipples.

He flushes when he realizes he’s staring, looking away quickly, and Meg laughs. “Aww, you’ve got a shy one. It’s alright, Castiel. Ruby here is a bit of an exhibitionist. Besides, she’ll have a lot more people than you watching her tonight.”

“You’re the one who’s performing?” Cas asks.

She nods, carding her fingers through the long blonde strands. “We are. I hope you’ll be sticking around to watch.”

Cas looks to Dean questioningly, and he smiles. “We’ll see how the night goes.” He points out each of the other couples, his free hand rubbing at the back of Cas’ neck absently. “This is Ezekiel and Kevin,” he says, pointing to a large man and a smaller boy with a green collar who sits in a chair, waving to him. He gestures to the other two, who seem impossibly young and innocent. “And this is Hael and Alfie. I’ve been assured those last three are old enough to be here, but I don’t think I believe it.”

“Hey!” Alfie chuckles from the floor beside a young, dark-haired woman. “It’s not our fault you’re old. And that’s not even my real name.”

Hael grins, one finger hooked in the back of his collar. “That’s because no one can pronounce your name, pet. Besides, you’re so adorable, you needed a cute name to go with it!” she turns to look at Cas, eyes shining with mirth. “Alfie is just excited he’s not the newest anymore.”

Dean chuckles. “Well Cas, that’s everyone. Everyone, this is Cas. My boyfriend.”

There’s a small cheer, and Ruby grins at Cas. “We’ve been wanting to meet you for ages. If Benny hadn’t seen you we’d have thought he finally cracked and made you up.”

“Can you blame him?” Andrea chuckles. “He’s adorable. No wonder Dean wanted to keep him private.”

Cas blushes, but relaxes a little, settling back on his heels. “I think that might have been partially my fault,” he admits. “I’ve never really done this sort of thing before. Dean’s been slowly teaching me.”

“Nothin’ to worry about, _cher_ ,” Benny assures him. “Everyone starts somewhere. And you can talk to us. I don’t know if you noticed, but we’re not really the easily embarrassed type.” He winks, motioning to Ruby. “So feel free to speak your mind.”

He nods, glancing across the table to where Ezekiel is grinning. Dean follows his gaze, raising an eyebrow. “What are you looking at me like that for?”

Ezekiel chuckles. “Just thinking. You look happier than I’ve seen you in a long time.”

Dean smiles, stroking through Cas’ hair lightly. “I am happy.”

Cas smiles back at him, settling into a more comfortable position and leaning against his leg. The conversation picks up around him, and while he participates a few times, mostly he just observes. The smooth rhythm of Dean’s hand on him and whatever he’s drinking have him slowly relaxing against Dean’s chair.

“Are we putting you to sleep already?” Meg teases him.

Cas chuckles. “You can blame him. It’s his fault.”

She raises an eyebrow at Dean, who shrugs sheepishly. “I may have made him cum three times today…”

“And that isn’t counting the five orgasms I had yesterday…” Cas interjects.

Kevin laughs. “Are you trying to kill him, Dean?”

“If you could see it you’d understand!” Dean protests. “Besides, he didn’t complain.” He grins, glancing down at Cas. “I think I know a way to wake you up.”

He realizes Dean’s intentions just a moment too late to stop the small gasp that escapes him when the mostly-forgotten plug buzzes to life. It may not be large, but it sits perfectly, and Cas flushes as he squirms slightly. “You are trying to kill him,” Benny chuckles.

Dean laughs. “Hey, this wasn’t even my idea. I told him he could wear whatever he wanted, and this is what he came up with.” He glances over to Cas questioningly, and Cas gives him a reassuring smile. Dean grins, kissing his forehead softly. “You’re so good to me.”

Cas glances around, but this development doesn’t seem to faze anyone, so he slowly relaxes, resting his head against Dean’s thigh. The conversation continues around him, and he drifts for a while, occasionally being brought back by changes in the speed of the vibrator or light tugs against his leash. It’s not enough to make him desperate, but it is pleasant until a slight pang in his stomach reminds him how many glasses of water he drank before they left. He tugs at Dean’s sleeve, whispering to him. “Second door down,” Dean answers, carefully unclipping his leash and turning the vibrations off. Cas smiles gratefully, slowly getting up from the floor and walking to the bathroom.

At the sink a small movement catches his eye, and he panics before he even recognizes the man in front of him, who grins. “Hello darling. Fancy meeting you here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo cliffhangers! It won't be too long, I promise. If anyone feels so inclined, I could really use some positive vibes/reviews.
> 
> Love,  
> TheSongSmith


	16. Spectacle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are awesome. Enjoy!

“Hello darling. Fancy meeting you here.” Suddenly Cas’ mouth is too dry to form words, and he backs out of the bathroom quickly, his back meeting the railing hard as his heart hammers in his chest. He swallows when he realizes that the man is following him, caging him in against the metal. He throws a desperate look towards the mirrored panels, hoping someone is looking. “And all alone, too,” Crowley continues. “Don’t you know how dangerous that is for a pretty thing like you?”

“N-Not alone,” Cas manages, pressing as far back as possible.

Crowley grins. “No? Well then, he doesn’t seem to be very concerned about you, now does he? That’s twice I’ve caught you on your own. I’m starting to think it’s a habit.” He presses closer, and there’s nowhere for Cas to go. “It’s such a shame we never got to finish our games. I have so many plans for you.”

Cas flinches as Crowley reaches out to touch his face, but he disappears before he makes contact. When he opens his eyes, Dean has the shorter man by the throat, pushing him up against the railing. When he speaks his voice is dangerously quiet, and his eyes never leave the struggling man in front of him. “Cas, go inside.”

“D-Dean…?” he stutters.

“Now!” Dean orders.

There are gentle hands on his shoulders, pulling him back towards the room, and he fights them for a moment before he recognizes Andrea’s voice urging him to sit and telling the others to back away. He can’t tear his eyes away from Dean until a large form steps in front of him, blocking his view of the door. “You gotta calm down, Cas,” Benny says calmly. “We’re going to handle it. Now, I’m going to call security and help Dean, and I want you to sit here with Andrea and just breathe. Can you do that for me?”

Realizing that he’s hyperventilating, he manages a nod, leaning into the light hold and trying to control the urge to vomit. Andrea murmurs to him softly, trying to soothe his trembling, and he turns into her shoulder when two security officers come up the stairs. It’s quiet for a few minutes before there’s a firm hand on the back of his neck. “It’s alright, sweetheart. He’s gone.”

Slowly, Cas looks up at Dean’s worried expression, pulling him closer. “You’re back…”

“Of course I’m back,” Dean assures him, sitting down and pulling Cas into his lap. “Did you think I’d just leave you here? Take a deep breath for me.”

Cas holds onto him tightly, his breaths slowing. “I thought you’d get kicked out for fighting.”

Behind them, Benny chuckles. “I wouldn’t let that happen, Cas.”

At his confused look, Andrea smiles. “Benny and I own this club together. We wouldn’t ask for Dean to be kicked out for protecting you. That man isn’t supposed to be here. I’m going to have a good talk with our door staff.”

“Did he hurt you?” Dean asks quietly, gently stroking his cheek.

Cas shakes his head. “No. Just caught me off guard. He might have, if you hadn’t shown up in time. What did you say to him?”

Dean grins. “Just that if he wanted to keep his hands, he’d better keep them off what’s mine. I don’t like to share.” Cas chuckles, and Dean kisses his forehead. “I’m sorry if I scared you. I didn’t mean to yell. Do you want to go home?”

“No,” Cas answers. “I’m having a good time. He shouldn’t get to ruin it. I’m okay.”

“Sorry,” Kevin says quietly, “But can I ask…what the hell just happened?”

Dean chuckles. “Sorry for the interruption. There was an incident, a few weeks ago. Crowley doesn’t know how to keep his hands to himself. He took advantage of Cas and hurt him pretty badly. Benny had to patch him up. And it looks like he thinks he can do it again.”

Cas turn to show them the light pink marks across his back, and Kevin gasps softly. Benny nods thoughtfully. “He seems to think he can get away with whatever he pleases. I think it’s time we taught him a lesson, don’t you?”

“Benny, I don’t want you putting yourself in danger because of me,” Cas says. “You said he was involved in some dark stuff. Besides, if we tried to put him in jail, they’d think Dean did this to me. I can’t risk that.”

Benny shrugs. “You’re right; we’d never be able to pin anything on him in court. Which is why we won’t go that route. There are other ways to make sure he remembers his place…”

Cas looks to Dean, who frowns. “What are you going to do, hire a hitman to kill him?”

“No, of course not,” Benny assures them. “And it’s not just about you. He’s crossed all of us one too many times. Don’t worry about it, alright? He won’t come anywhere near you again. Now, let’s get back to our good time.”

Dean looks at him warily, but nods, and Cas makes a mental note to ask him about it later. “You sure you’re okay?” he asks, lightly brushing Cas’ hair back.

Cas smiles. “Yeah, I’m alright. Kinda hungry though.”

He laughs, nodding. “Well I think we can handle that much.” They spread out on the floor to eat, and Cas ends up pressed against Dean on one side with Kevin leaning into the other. He can’t help but like the shy young sub, eventually putting an arm around his shoulders, something about the quiet, witty boy making him want to be protective. Dean gives him an approving smile, kissing his cheek softly.

“Alright boys and girls,” Meg announces. “It’s time to get ready. So, who’s up for a show?”

Cas looks to Dean questioningly, and Dean smiles. “We can stay if you want. It’d probably be good for you to see.”

He nods, and Kevin makes a happy sound, grabbing onto his hand. “Come on, let’s go get seats!” Cas glances back at Dean, who just laughs and takes his other hand, walking down to the main floor. When they get there Meg and Ruby are already on the stage, talking quietly. In front of them are rows of chairs with the same soft cushions on either side. Kevin pulls him over to a spot in the first row, settling down beside him while Dean and Ezekiel share a look, sitting down on either side of them.

“Have you ever seen one of these?” Cas asks the boy.

He nods. “I’ve seen a few. They’re pretty cool. And Meg is good. She knows how to put on a show. But mostly I like to see what happens between the people. That’s usually the most interesting part.”

Dean runs a hand through Cas’ hair, and he looks up. “What kind of things do Meg and Ruby do?”

“They…do a lot of things,” Dean answers carefully. “Meg is a little more intense than what you’re used to. But she’s careful. She may seem harsh, but she wouldn’t hurt Ruby. And if you change your mind, just let me know. We can leave anytime.” Cas nods, leaning against his leg as the seats around them fill.

By the time it’s over, Ruby wrapped in a blanket and leaning into Meg’s side, Cas’ head is spinning, and he misses it the first time when Dean starts talking. “Sorry, what?”

Dean chuckles. “I was just asking if you were okay.”

“Oh, yeah. Just…a lot on my mind, I guess.”

He nods, leaning down to kiss Cas’ forehead softly. “Okay. I’m going to settle our tab and then we’ll head home. You alright staying with Kevin and Ezekiel for a minute?”

Cas nods, talking quietly with Kevin until he returns. They say their goodbyes, promising to come back soon, and Andrea hugs Cas lightly. “You’re always welcome here,” she murmurs, smiling. “We’re glad to have you.”

Back in the car, Cas stares out the window until he’s pulled out of his thoughts by Dean’s hand around his. “Hey. You alright?”

“Yeah,” Cas says quickly, smiling. “I just…have a lot of questions, I guess.”

Dean smiles. “Fair enough. We can talk about it if you’d like.”

Cas nods, considering where to start for the rest of the trip home. When they’ve settled on the couch, Dean turns to him expectantly. “Where did Kevin come from?” he asks first.

“How did I know you were going to ask that?” Dean chuckles. “You two seemed to hit it off.”

Cas shrugs sheepishly. “I don’t know what it is. I just can’t help but like him.”

“He’s a good kid,” Dean agrees. “And actually, he’s not so different from you. Benny found him first, just like he did with me. I don’t know the whole story, but apparently his parents were pretty demanding too. The poor kid was driving himself crazy. He just wanted to be good enough for once. And Ezekiel had been alone for a while. He’s the kind of person who needs a purpose. But he wasn’t really bold enough to be sought after by most people. He was pretty unsure of himself. Benny introduced them, and they just kind of fit. They gave each other what they needed. They claim they’re not together, but it’s a lie. They’re exclusive, and they moved in together a couple of months ago. So Zeke gets to care for somebody, and Kevin has standards he can live up to.”

Cas smiles, nodding. “That’s good. I’m glad he found a way to be happy. What about the others? You’re all…so different.”

Dean nods. “Yeah, we’re a strange bunch. But it works. Benny and Meg have known each other for a long time. I think they kind of entered the scene around the same time and became friends. Their styles are different, but they respect each other. She and Ruby are just play partners. Ruby has a boyfriend who isn’t really involved in the scene.”

“And he’s…alright with them?” Cas asks.

“Apparently,” Dean shrugs. “They’ve been together a while. Ruby was into some dark stuff before she found her way to Meg. Drugs, theft, that sort of stuff. She’s doing a lot better now than she was when I first met her. Part of her needs the control, and I think that he understands that. But he’s not really interested in that sort of thing. So they’ve worked out a deal that works for all three of them. Meg makes it public knowledge that she won’t play with Ruby unless she’s sober. She relapsed a couple of times in the beginning, but she’s been clean for a few years now. I guess she found something more important to her than drugs. And it works for Meg too. She puts on this tough exterior, but I think she honestly does want to help people.”

Cas nods thoughtfully. “What about the other two?”

Dean chuckles. “Hael and Alfie? They’re Benny’s newest students. They’re a couple, and they’re beginners. They showed up at the club one night a month or so before I met you, completely in over their heads. Benny kicked them out for being underage, but Hael begged him to teach her. She was afraid of hurting him. And you know Benny can’t resist a good cause. So he agreed, and now he teaches them. It’s still slow going from what I hear, but they’re getting there. He thinks being around more experienced people will help them. They’re still kind of in that awkward phase.”

Cas laughs, nodding. “I could tell. They seem nice, though. They all do. Honestly, I wasn’t really sure what I expected, but…I was happily surprised. Do you think they liked me?”

“Of course they did,” Dean assures him. “This wasn’t about impressing anyone. They’d all already accepted you. They just wanted to meet you in person. They may have been begging me to bring you along for months now.”

Cas frowns slightly. “Why didn’t you tell me? I don’t want to keep you from your friends.”

“You didn’t,” Dean answers, stroking a thumb over the back of his collar. “I still saw them. It’s just been a while since we’ve all been able to meet up. Besides, it was my choice. I didn’t want to share you right away.”

“So I didn’t…do anything wrong, right?”

Dean chuckles, kissing him softly. “You worry too much. You did even better than I thought you would. You even made a friend.”

Cas flushes under the praise. “So I didn’t overstep?”

“With Kevin?” Dean asks. He nods, surprised when Dean laughs. “Sorry, it’s just…you were fine. I was talking to Ezekiel about it earlier. He says he hasn’t ever seen Kevin warm up to someone like that. He was really pleased.”

“And you?” he asks cautiously.

Dean smiles, pulling him closer. “I’m happy too. Relax, honey. I’m really proud of you. And you don’t have to worry about upsetting me. I trust you. I’m just glad you had a good time, even with our little…incident.”

Cas nods, relaxing slightly. “What do you think Benny is going to do about that?”

“Honestly? I have no idea,” Dean admits. “But I wouldn’t worry about it. He knows what he’s doing.”

“He seemed pretty upset about it,” Cas points out.

Dean chuckles. “Yeah, well he doesn’t take too kindly to people like that. You’re family now. He’s protective of that.”

Cas smiles to himself, nodding. “I like the sound of that.”

“Me too,” Dean murmurs. “You sure you’re okay?”

He nods, leaning into Dean’s shoulder. “Actually, I think I’m better than I’ve been in a while. This whole time I’ve been afraid of him showing up again. And he finally did, but…everything turned out okay. And I trust Benny. I actually feel…safer.”

Dean grins, kissing him softly. “Good. I’m really proud of you, Cas. I know this was kind of outside your comfort zone. You did really well.”

Cas nods. “It was definitely new,” he admits, “but it was actually a lot of fun. It was nice to be with other people who understand. I kind of felt like I belonged. Are there other things like that? Can we go again?”

“We can go whenever you want,” Dean chuckles. “And there are some other events. Benny’s party is probably the biggest around here. It’s coming up in a few months. But it’s…a little different.”

“How?” Cas asks curiously.

Dean hesitates. “It’s more of a play party really. It’s invitation only, and everyone is screened at the door to make sure that everyone is safe. Group play is encouraged. But it’s not mandatory by any means.”

Cas nods slowly, thinking for a moment. “So is it like what Meg and Ruby did? Like a show?”

“Not exactly. It’s more like those smaller spaces on the floor. Multiple things go on at once, and people come in and out. It’s more relaxed than a formal exhibition, but for the most part, people are invited to do more than watch.” Dean pauses, stroking Cas’ cheek lightly. “But we can still go if you don’t want to do that. It’s not unusual to have people who just go to socialize.”

Cas hesitates, biting his lip for a moment. “What if…I might want to try?” he asks cautiously.

Surprised, Dean glances up at him. “Do you?”

He sighs. “I don’t know. I mean, it scares me. But so do a lot of things you’ve convinced me to try, and I’ve enjoyed pretty much all of them. If it was something you were interested in…I might consider trying it.”

Dean makes a thoughtful sound, nodding slowly. “Well, it’s not for a couple of months. There’s some formalities I’ll teach you if you want to go. And if you think you want to try participating, we can talk about what it might be like. I’m okay with it, but it’s up to you. If it’s something you’d like to try, we can work on it a little beforehand so you’ll know what to expect.”

Cas smiles, nodding. “Okay. But maybe we can talk about it tomorrow? I’m kinda worn out. And there is the small matter of getting this plug out.”

“Well that is a matter I would be glad to assist you with,” Dean laughs. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weeeeee. Remember to review if you liked it, it makes me so happy to get those pretty little emails :D
> 
> Love,  
> TheSongSmith


	17. Learning Curve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovelies! I tried to get this chapter up as soon as I could, but with finals coming up things have been a little hectic lately. Check out more notes at the bottom, but for now, enjoy!

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Cas asks nervously. “You really don’t have to.”

Dean chuckles, leaning in to kiss him softly. “You worry too much. I’m fine, honey. If I thought I couldn’t handle it I wouldn’t do it. Besides, Benny is here to help. We’re about as safe as it gets.”

“I won’t let you hurt him,” Benny assures him, patting his shoulder lightly. “Besides, we’ve got work to do before we get near another person. You’ll do just fine.” Though still nervous, Cas nods and follows them towards the playroom, watching as Benny chooses a whip from the wall. “Alright then. Dean, why don’t you start preparing yourself while I talk to Cas here?” Dean nods, kissing Cas’ cheek once more before wandering to the far side of the room and pulling his shirt off. “So, you wanna tell me what it is about this thing that has you so scared?”

Cas shrugs sheepishly, watching as he absently runs the leather through his hands. “It’s just…my memories of it are horrible. It was the worst pain I’ve ever felt. Dean says it can feel good, but it’s hard to imagine that considering how much damage something like this did.”

Benny nods thoughtfully. “Well, I admire you for trying to get back on the horse. And I think once you have a little more confidence with using it, it won’t be so scary to try it the other way around. Confidence is important when you’re doing something like this. See, it’s not the object. It’s the person behind it that makes all the difference. Can I see your hand for a minute?” Cautiously, Cas holds up his palm, and Benny takes his wrist. He doubles up the end of the whip in his hand, then smacks it across Cas’ palm lightly. Cas flinches, then blinks in surprise. It stings, but it’s nowhere near what he was expecting. “See? You’re in total control of how much pain you’re inflicting. Now, I’m gonna do it a little harder, but it’s not going to be like what you remember. Trust me, okay?”

He hits Cas’ palm again, and it hurts, but it’s not unbearable. “It’s not so bad,” he admits. “But why was my experience so much worse?”

“Probably partially due to inexperience on Crowley’s part,” Benny answers. “But mostly because he didn’t care about your well-being. The most important part of pain play is knowing when to stop. It can be enjoyable for a while, but if you push it too far it’s just straight painful. You have to know where the line is. I know Dean’s limits and the signs that he’s getting close, and Dean knows that stuff about you. Crowley’s focus was on his own gratification, not your experience. That means what you remember isn’t anything like what we’re going to do to Dean today, or what he’s going to do to you. We have very different goals.”

Cas nods, somewhat reassured. “Okay. I trust you two. If you say it’s okay, then I believe you.”

Benny smiles. “Good. So let’s teach you some basic skills and then we’ll show you what it’s supposed to look like.”

 

* * *

 

 

Once Dean is warmed up and in place, wrists cuffed and pulled over his head, Cas takes a step back, taking a deep breath to calm his nerves as he takes in the sight, admiring the way Dean’s muscles shift under his skin. “I’ll do the first few,” Benny says. “I want you to watch his body language and tell me what you see.” He walks over to Dean, laying a hand on his shoulder and talking to him quietly for a moment before backing up. His arm goes back, and Dean cries out as the first strike falls across his back, but he doesn’t jerk away the way Cas expects, and he seems to relax into his restraints more after each stroke, his cries quieting a little. “Color, Dean?”

“Green,” he murmurs, eyes closed.

Benny smiles, reaching out to touch his shoulder again. “Good. Deep breaths. Cas, you want to try a few?”

Cas hesitates. “Do you…think that’s a good idea?”

“I wouldn’t let you do it if I thought you’d hurt him,” he points out. “Come on, give it a shot.” Cas swallows nervously, but nods, taking his place behind Dean. “There you go. Just like we practiced. Take a deep breath and look where you’re aiming.”

He nods, tamping down the nerves in his stomach for a moment before he brings his arm back. He nearly recoils at the groan that escapes Dean, but Benny is grinning at him. “Was that…good?”

Benny chuckles. “Let’s see. How was that, Dean?”

Dean lets out a sound somewhere between a sigh and a laugh. “Green…”

“Well that’s a yes. Why don’t you try a few more before we start winding him down?”

Cas nods, relieved, and aims a few more strikes. On the last one, it takes a little longer before Dean relaxes, and Cas looks to Benny curiously. “Is that…?”

“Good catch,” Benny smiles. “I think he’s earned a reward. You wanna handle that for me while I prep the aftercare stuff?”

Cas grins, nodding and setting the whip aside before approaching Dean, who’s panting softly. He can’t help but smile at the blissed-out expression on his face, and he strokes his cheek lightly. “Guess I wasn’t so bad, huh?”

Dean chuckles, humming softly in approval when Cas kisses him. “Truly terrible,” he teases.

Cas laughs, reaching down to run his palm over the clear outline of Dean’s erection. “Uhuh. I can tell. You didn’t enjoy yourself at all.” A breathless little gasp escapes him when Cas squeezes him through the fabric of his sweatpants, and he presses into the touch. “You look a little warm. Perhaps we should get you out of these.”

“Please…” Dean rasps, sighing when Cas slides his pants down to pool around his ankles.

Cas grins, kissing along his neck while he starts to stroke Dean’s length, chuckling at his whimper. “You’re not speechless often,” he murmurs. “I rather enjoy it.”

He twists his wrist at the same time as his other hand brushes lightly over the marks crisscrossing his back, and Dean moans loudly. “Please, please…”

“Go on baby. Let it go.”

That’s all it takes for Dean to lose it, shuddering through his release before slumping in his restraints. Cas grins, wiping up the mess with Dean’s discarded shirt and pulling his pants back up before Benny returns, smirking at them. “He’s not gonna be able to hold himself up. Hang onto him while I lower him down.”

Cas nods, supporting Dean’s weight as he’s slowly lowered to the floor, then carefully releasing his wrists, rubbing the tension from his shoulders. Dean leans helpfully into his chest, the occasional soft murmur escaping him, but he stays pliant in Cas’ grip. “Deep breaths, Dean. We’ve got you.”

Dean just hums in response, and Benny smooths his hair back. “Come on, let’s get him cleaned up and settled in bed. It’ll be a lot easier before he comes around more.”

He carefully picks Dean up, motioning for Cas to follow him, and together they lay him out on his belly. Cas admires the pattern of raised welts crisscrossing his back, lightly rubbing a hand along his side. “What do we have to do?”

“Nothing too different from the usual,” Benny explains. “Except that we have to check his stripes. It doesn’t look like any of them broke the skin, but it still doesn’t hurt to clean them before we treat them.” He turns his attention to Dean, who’s stretched out happily between them. “Gonna feel cold for a minute Dean.” There’s a murmur of acknowledgement, and then a low groan as Benny starts to lightly swipe his back with antiseptic.

Cas shushes him softly, stroking his cheek. “Almost done baby.” He helps Benny spread cooling cream over the red welts, smiling as Dean quiets, his eyes cracking open. “There you are sweetheart. How do you feel?”

“Mm…tired,” he mumbles. “You?”

“I’m good,” Cas chuckles. “Thanks.”

Benny smiles, rubbing Dean’s arm lightly. “You did really good, Dean. And so did Cas. You helped him learn a lot.”

Dean smiles sleepily, reaching out for Cas’ hand. “You feel better?”

“Yeah, I do,” Cas smiles. “Thank you for volunteering. Now, you should get some sleep. I’ll be right here, okay?”

It doesn’t take much convincing, and Dean is asleep almost immediately. Benny smiles, watching them fondly for a moment. “So, how do you feel now that you’ve seen it?”

“Honestly? It wasn’t anything like I was expecting. I actually…I think I can do it long enough to prove to myself that Crowley didn’t win. I can’t say I’ll definitely like it, but…seeing the way you took care of him helped.”

“You took care of him too,” Benny points out. “You did really well. I’m proud of you, kid. I know it ain’t easy to face your fears. You want me to stick around until he wakes up, or you think you got it from here?”

Cas smiles fondly, lightly brushing Dean’s hair back. “I think I can handle it. Thank you, Benny. Really.”

“Of course, kiddo. You know where to find me.” He ruffles Cas’ hair lightly before gathering his things.

“Hey Benny?” Cas says before he leaves. “Dean was telling me about your party. I was kinda wondering…do you…think I could handle it?”

Benny grins, considering it. “Well, that’s really between you and him, isn’t it? But if you’re asking for my opinion, it’s not a bad place to start exploring if you think you might be into that kind of thing. And a lot goes on at once, so it’s not like you have the whole room focused on you. We’re very careful about who comes in, and subs outline what they’re comfortable with before it starts. I think you just might like it, Cher.”

Cas nods thoughtfully. “And you don’t think…it’ll upset him, right? If I want to try?”

Benny studies his expression for a moment, sighing softly and sitting down again. “Okay, listen. That’s something you two have to discuss. But honestly, I don’t think he’d be upset. Your romantic relationship is separate from your relationship in the playroom. And yeah, there might be some crossover, but I know Dean is very careful about keeping those things apart. Letting other people touch you in that kind of setting isn’t the same as cheating in my eyes, and I don’t think Dean would see it that way either. And besides, it’s not about the other people, it’s about putting trust in your Dom. He’ll be there with you the whole time, and you two will discuss boundaries ahead of time. Frankly, he’d probably think it was hot. But if you’re really concerned, talk to him. You’re not going to enjoy it if you’re worried about that.”

“Thanks. That’s actually really helpful,” Cas admits. “I’ll definitely think about it. And thank you for everything.”

Benny smiles. “No problem, kid. Keep an eye on him, okay? Call if you need backup.”

With that he gathers his things and shows himself out, leaving Cas to watch Dean’s slow breaths. It’s a couple of hours before he stirs, groaning softly. “Dean?” Cas murmurs, smoothing his hair back. The response is muffled into the pillow as Dean buries himself further, and Cas chuckles. “Come on, you have to eat something. If you don’t cooperate I’ll make Benny come back and drag you out of here.”

Dean grunts, but opens one eye, smiling groggily. “Hi…”

“Hi,” Cas grins, kissing his cheek. “How do you feel?”

He chuckles, snuggling closer. “Good. Sore. It’s been a long time since I’ve done this. Did it help?”

Cas nods, stroking his hair lightly. “Yeah, it did actually. I wasn’t expecting that, but I feel a lot better about trying it. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Dean snorts, sitting up halfway to kiss him softly. “I’m fine, baby. I promise. I just might not wear a shirt for a little while.”

“I don’t have any complaints about that,” Cas chuckles. “Come on, let’s get you something to eat. Then I want to talk.”

Dean nods, reluctantly getting up and wrapping his arms around Cas’ waist. “I love you,” he murmurs. “But I still like it better when I get to tie you up.”

Cas laughs, nodding. “Agreed. Come on, we can cuddle while you eat.”

“So what’d you think?” Dean asks once they’ve settled on the couch.

“It was interesting. I don’t usually get to see it from that perspective. And Benny had a lot of insight about things.” Dean makes an interested sound, taking another bite of his sandwich. “So, I talked to Benny about his party,” Cas says slowly.

Dean glances up. “Yeah? How’d that go?”

“Good, actually. I feel a little better about it. I think I’d like to at least try. But I still want to talk about some things.”

Dean nods. “Of course. We can talk now if you want.”

Cas looks at him doubtfully. “Are you sure you’re up for that?”

“I’m fine,” Dean chuckles. “Fully back in reality, I promise. I may not want to move much, but we can talk. What’s on your mind?”

He hesitates, biting his lip for a moment. “Benny says I won’t be able to enjoy it if I’m worried about it affecting our relationship.”

Dean nods thoughtfully, his fingers tracing light patterns on Cas’ arm. “So you’re afraid that, if you enjoy what other people do to you, it’ll be like cheating on me?”

Cas nods sheepishly. “I just don’t want to mess this up. I’d never hurt you like that.”

“I appreciate the concern,” Dean smiles. “But you don’t have to worry about that. I wouldn’t be encouraging it if I didn’t like the idea. And it’s not really about having sex with other people, even if you do decide you’re okay with that. It’s more about…doing it to please me. I’m taking you there to show you off in front of my peers. I want them to know how good you are; to be impressed with your obedience and your skills. Nothing will happen that I don’t approve of. Your job is just to be as good as you always are for me. It may have a sexual component to it, if that’s something you want, but your role doesn’t change. It’s still about trusting me to make those decisions for you.”

Cas nods, relaxing a little. I guess that makes me feel a little better. What do you mean, if it’s something I want? Isn’t it all kind of sexual?”

“Not necessarily,” Dean explains. “The good thing about these parties is that everyone outlines their boundaries ahead of time. There’s a lot of space to define whatever you’re comfortable with, whether that’s letting other people do certain acts, or just letting them watch you and me. The subs control what happens, and if you’re interested in involving other people we’ll talk about what acts you’re okay with and which ones you don’t want other people to do, the same way we outlined your limits with me. That way, when we go, you can relax and enjoy it instead of worrying that someone is going to do something you’re not okay with. And I’ll be with you the entire time to make sure your rules are followed.”

He considers it for a moment, then smiles. “I didn’t think about it that way. That helps. I want to try it,” he decides. “You said we could practice?”

Dean grins, leaning over to kiss him. “Absolutely. It’s a very different experience with multiple people, and it can be overwhelming. If you’re going to panic I’d much rather it happens here where I can remove you from the situation quickly than in a crowded room. If you’re okay with it, I also think we should keep you blindfolded, at least for this first attempt. I think it’ll help you.”

Cas frowns. “How will that help?”

“I think if you can see who’s around you’re going be more anxious,” he explains. “This is about the experience of it, not about worrying who’s seeing you naked. I think it’ll help you relax. And if we try it in practice and you don’t like it then we won’t next time.”

Cas nods. “If you think it’ll help…how exactly do we practice?”

Dean smiles. “Slowly. Once we figure out what you’re comfortable with, we’ll start slow, here, with just an extra person or two that I already trust. We can start with just basic touching and see how you react. If it goes well we can move on from there.”

“That sounds fair,” Cas agrees. “But…do I have to be naked the first time?”

Dean chuckles, kissing his cheek. “No, not if you don’t want to be. We can work around that.”

“Is it going to be people I know?” he asks.

“It could be,” Dean shrugs. “Would that make you uncomfortable?”

Cas considers it for a minute, shaking his head. “Actually, it might help. At least I know they won’t judge me if they do see me naked. I mean, I’ve seen enough of Ruby…”

Dean laughs. “True. They all understand. It doesn’t really faze them. We can use people you’ve already met if it makes you feel better. And with the blindfold on you won’t know who’s touching where, so that will probably help with the awkwardness.”

He nods, smiling slightly. “Alright. Let’s try it.”

“Alright,” Dean agrees, snuggling closer. “We’ll talk about it more tomorrow.”

Cas smiles. “Yeah? You have plans for tonight?”

Dean chuckles, nodding and kissing him softly. “I have a few ideas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo! Exciting things happening. A whole bunch of people reviewed which made me so happy! Also, someone recommended this fic to people on tumblr apparently, which is crazy to me. I honestly have been getting all my feedback from here so it's kind of awesome to know someone out there liked my writing enough to tell people to check me out.
> 
> Side note: I've been thinking about making a new tumblr for the purpose of my stories to possibly better connect with all of you lovely people. If you think I should let me know! I'm not the best at tumblr but I'll try it out if people are interested :)
> 
> Love,  
> TheSongSmith


	18. Parley

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Before you start reading, just know that I have EXCITING NEWS at the bottom! Okay, now that you know that, enjoy!

“Well, I guess we’ll start from the beginning,” Dean says, sitting with Cas’ feet in his lap. “You can change your mind about any of this at any time, but we need to have a starting point. And remember, this is only for this one event. Everything else stays the same. So, do you want to have other people involved, or just have them watch?”

“I want to try involving them,” Cas answers.

Dean nods, writing on a pad with the hand that’s not tracing over the bones of Cas’ ankle. “Okay. Then let’s figure out where the boundaries are. I need you to answer honestly based on your own feelings, not based on what you think I want, okay? We’ll talk about what you want first, and then we’ll see if there’s anything we need to discuss. Fair enough?”

Cas smiles, nodding. “Okay. So where do we start?”

“Well, is there anything you definitely don’t want?”

Cas considers it, frowning slightly. “I don’t…I mean, I don’t think they should…you know…”

Dean smirks, amused. “You don’t think they should…what?”

“You know,” Cas mutters.

“Maybe, but it’s important that we’re very clear.”

Dean chuckles when Cas kicks his stomach lightly with a foot. “Fine. If you want to hear me say it, I don’t want to…have intercourse or oral sex with strangers, alright?”

“Crystal clear,” Dean answers, struggling to suppress a laugh. “Thank you. And noted. What about with me?”

“While they’re there? I think that’d be okay, as long as you tell me it’s you.”

Dean nods. “I can do that. Are you similarly opposed to penetration with toys by other people?”

Cas blushes, fidgeting with his fingers in his lap. “Not necessarily…but maybe we could work up to that?”

Dean smiles, marking it down on his list. “We can do that. I’ll put it down as a maybe. What about other kinds of toys?”

“I’m okay with that,” he decides. “But…maybe only kinds we’ve used before? I’m not sure I could handle anything brand new in that situation. At least, not yet.”

Dean grins, nodding. “Agreed. It’ll be new enough without any unknown sensations. We’ll probably bring some of our own, but if someone does bring something I’ll approve it first. Okay, so for now, in general, you’re open to touching everywhere?” Cas nods. “Alright. What about other people doing oral stuff to you, if it’s not blowjobs?”

“Do you have to say it like that?” Cas mumbles, going redder.

Dean chuckles. “Well I could demonstrate, but you probably wouldn’t be able to make the clearest decisions that way,” he teases. “Come on baby, relax. You can talk to me about this. We’re almost done.” He grins. “I’ll make you a deal. Once we finish here, we’ll go over the finer points of this list, just you and me.”

Cas rolls his eyes, but smiles. “Fine. I’m open to trying that.”

“Okay. Everywhere? Like, absolutely everywhere? Like, if someone wants to lick your ass, you’d be okay with that?”

Cas huffs, nudging him again. “You’re the worst. And yes, tentatively I’m okay with that. Especially if it’s you,” he smirks.

“But you love me,” Dean points out. “And believe me, I intend to. It’s just a precaution. Alright. What about kissing?”

He hesitates, biting his lip for a moment. “I think I’m okay with that. As long as you are.”

Dean chuckles. “As long as I still get to kiss you.”

“I think that could be arranged,” Cas grins, sitting up to kiss him softly. “What else?”

He glances down at the list. “I think that’s just about it for now. Once we practice a little we’ll know more specifics. Is there anything else you want to add? Any special rules or requests?”

Cas considers it or a moment. “Do you think you could…at least for now, I think it might help if you stayed in contact with me. Not that I don’t trust you to stay, just…”

Dean nods. “It’s easier to remember that I’m there if you can feel me. That’s understandable. We can do that. And, at least while we practice, I’ll tell you before anyone starts touching you, and before we do anything new if that helps.”

Cas nods, relaxing. “Yeah, I think that would help. That’s all I can think of so far. Does that cover the basics?”

“As long as you don’t have anything else to add, we can start small, and if we find something specific you don’t like we’ll add it to the list. And I don’t have any problems with anything we’ve talked about.”

Cas nods. “Alright, but you have to promise that if we try something and you do have a problem you have to tell me.”

Dean smiles, smoothing his hair back. “Deal. I promise that this is not going to change anything about our relationship, alright? I’m really proud of you for trying this.”

“What can I say? Cas shrugs. "It’s fun to try stuff with you.”

“I can’t say I have any complaints about that,” Dean chuckles. “Do you feel a little better now?”

He nods. “I do. Thank you for being so patient. This is something I want to do, and I know it’s only for the party, not for forever, but…I think I just get stuck in my head sometimes.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” Dean answers, kissing him softly. “It’s a new thing. It’s okay to be a little nervous. But you’re still willing to try. That’s what matters. Though I have to say, it did surprise me. Why did you want to do this so much?”

Cas shrugs. “It’s out of my comfort zone. My whole life I’ve been afraid. Afraid to be vulnerable, or get close to people, or do anything out of the ordinary. Afraid to disappoint people. But with you…I don’t feel like I have to be afraid. I was afraid to let just you touch me the first few times. A whole room of people never would have crossed my mind. But you make me confident, and I want to see what else I can face now that would’ve been impossible before. I’m still not convinced I’m going to like it, but I know that I can take risks now, and you’ll be there to catch me. And even if I hate it and panic and have a complete meltdown, I won’t be a disappointment to you. I’ve never had that feeling before. I want to know what I can do with it.”

Dean’s expression softens, and he smiles, leaning in to kiss Cas’ forehead. “That means a lot to me. As long as you’re pushing the boundaries because it’s what you want, I’ll support you. And no matter what happens when we try this, I’ll still be proud of you. And so, so happy you choose to put that kind of faith in me. I love you so much.”

“Of course I have faith in you,” Cas answers. “You’ve earned it. I can take chances because you always keep me safe. You let me explore. But more than that…you make me feel like it’s okay to fail sometimes. I can fail and still not be a failure to you. This is the first time I’ve ever felt that way. Thank you for that. I love you too.” He pauses for a moment. “Hey Dean? Did you ever…do something like this? When you were with Benny?”

Something shifts in Dean’s expression, and he nods. “Yeah, actually, I did.”

Cas frowns. “That…doesn’t sound like a glowing review.”

Dean chuckles. “Yeah, well…I’ll never forget it, that’s for sure.”

“Dean, what happened?”

He sighs, shaking his head. “Nothing, really. It was actually a lot of fun. But you know how Benny liked to teach me lessons during our sessions. I had a problem with being praised back then. I never wanted to accept it. I agreed to do it because I wanted to be used by all those people. I didn’t really know what he was planning. Let’s just say it was a pretty emotional evening. But this is different. You’ll know exactly what you’re getting into.”

Cas briefly debates pushing for more information, but something in Dean’s expression tells him he won’t get anywhere. Instead he makes a note of it. “Okay. I trust you.”

Dean smiles. “We should get cleaned up. We’re supposed to meet Sam and Gabriel for dinner soon.”

Cas groans, pressing closer. “No fair, you made me think about sexy stuff…”

Dean laughs. “We don’t have time, baby. If we cancel again Gabriel might actually kill me. Besides, there’ll be plenty of time for that tomorrow.”

Reluctantly, Cas looks up. “What’s tomorrow?”

“Well you’re never going to find out if you don’t get that hot ass of yours in the shower right now.”

Cas grins. “What about you?”

“Nice try,” Dean smirks, kissing him softly. “I’m not giving in that easy. Go.”

 

* * *

 

 

In the morning, Dean shakes Cas awake early, laughing when he whines and buries his head in the pillow. “Come on sweetheart, we gotta go.”

“Go where?” Cas mumbles. “Don’t you have work?”

Dean grins. “I do. Which is why I’m waking you up. You’re coming to work with me.”

Sighing heavily, Cas turns enough to glare at him with one eye open. “What are you talking about?”

“I had some ideas. But they require you getting out of bed and coming to work with me. I promise I’ll make it worth your while…”

That, at least, is enough to get Cas’ attention, and he raises his head from the pillow. “We’re not having sex where Bobby can see us.”

Dean laughs again. “Of course not. I’m not trying to give him a heart attack. Just trust me, okay?”

Cas blinks at him for a minute, considering it. “Better be the best goddamn reward of my life...waking me up this early…” he grumbles. “And there’d better be a cup of coffee waiting for me when I get out there.”

Dean grins, kissing him softly. “Deal.” In the car, Cas stares grumpily out the window as he sips his coffee. “Lighten up, baby. This will be fun, I promise.”

“Did it have to start so early though?”

“It’s not even really that early,” Dean chuckles. “I promised you a good time, and that’s what you’ll have. Just be patient.”

After he downs his coffee Cas’ mood is lifted slightly, and he manages to enjoy himself as he watches Dean fix cars, occasionally stopping to explain different parts under the hood. They’re eating lunch when they see Bobby carrying a plastic box out to his truck. “Closing early,” he says as he passes. “Rufus called, wants to go fishing. Besides, I figured you wouldn’t mind some time off.”

Dean smiles. “Yeah, sure. You mind if I stay to finish this one up?”

“Stay as long as you want, just lock up when you’re done.” The older man smiles. “Cas, keep an eye on that one. Gets into all sorts of trouble when I leave him alone.”

Cas laughs. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep him in line. Have fun.” They watch the truck pull away, and Cas turns with a questioning look, but Dean kisses him before he can ask, and he can’t complain about that. After a moment he remembers his question, pulling back for air. “You arranged this on purpose, didn’t you?”

Dean grins. “I may have. The old man needs some time off. And I could use the space.”

“For what?” he asks cautiously.

“Well, you said you wanted to learn about cars. I hope you’ve been paying attention. We’re going to see what you remember. And if you don’t,” Dean says, his voice dropping, “then I’m afraid you might not want to sit down for a little while…”

Cas goes red. “Here…?” he asks.

Dean chuckles. “Would you rather do it in our driveway?” he murmurs, licking the shell of Cas’ ear. Cas shudders, shaking his head. “Good. So I am going to close up, and you are going to get out of those clothes.”

Dazed, Cas nods, watching Dean roam around while he strips down to his boxers. He managed to find his voice when Dean stops in front of the Impala, lovingly lifting the hood. “W-What are we doing?”

“First you’re going to have to get out of those,” Dean smirks. “Don’t want to get your underwear dirty, now do we?” Cas swallows hard, slowly removing them and following Dean’s light prodding until he’s facing the car. Dean presses up against his back, speaking in his ear and chuckling at his shiver. “Now, I am going to teach you some things,” he murmurs, gently spreading Cas’ feet apart before taking his wrists, lifting his hands until they meet on the open hood. “And you are going to be a very good boy and keep your hands right here for me, okay?”

Cas nearly groans at the growl in his voice, nodding quickly. “Yes Sir.”

“Good boy,” Dean chuckles, skimming a hand down his spine. “So, let’s start here with the parts of the engine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo! So for the exciting news...I decided to make my very own author tumblr which I've never done before. The only thing is I'm kinda lonely over there! Sooo if you're bored or you wanna chat check it out! I'm accepting prompts and asks and whatever else, so we can talk about my life, or your life, or my stories, or basically anything. You can find it at thesongsmithtumbles.tumblr.com. Stop in and say hi! I'll also be posting updates up there for all my stories as I write.
> 
> Also, for anyone who's concerned, I promised Dean and Cas are not going to randomly involve themselves in a harem/orgy type situation. Don't worry, I have a plan, I promise!
> 
> So I think that's it for now! Remember to review and I'll see you next time!
> 
> Love,  
> TheSongSmith


	19. Experiment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovelies!
> 
> I am very sorry for the wait on this one, life got crazy with graduation and work and everything. I meant to post this chapter last weekend, but with everything happening I felt kind of weird about it. But I think we can all use a distraction, and mine is writing, so I hope you like this one. I'm not completely happy with it, so be gentle, but I think (hope?) most of you will like it.

“I look ridiculous,” Cas grumbles, picking at the tight, somehow shiny shorts that Dean told him to put on.

Dean grins, kissing him softly. “You look hot. Besides, you said you didn’t want to be naked.”

“This isn’t really what I had in mind, Dean. I’ve never worn anything this short.”

He chuckles, pulling Cas closer and toying with the waistband of the garment. “You can change if you want, but I think you look amazing.” He smirks at the flush that spreads over Cas’ face.

Cas considers it, nodding finally, though his face is still pink. “I guess they’re not so bad…this is about trying new things, right?”

Dean nods. “That’s true. But I want you to be able to relax. You sure you’re okay with the booty shorts?”

That earns him a glare. “I will be as long as you never call them that again.”

“Yes sir,” Dean laughs, kissing him again. “My apologies. So, how’re you feeling?”

“Nervous,” he admits, biting his lip. “But I’m okay.”

Dean nods, taking in his expression for a moment. “Good. Still sure you want to do this?”

Cas smiles slightly. “Yeah. So how do we do this?”

Dean leans forward, kissing his forehead lightly before holding up his collar. Cas tilts his chin up, relaxing slightly as it fastens. “Why don’t you go inside? I’ll be there in a minute.” He nods, taking his place on the floor of the playroom and steadfastly ignoring the twinge of fear in his stomach. He’s confused when only one set of footsteps enters the room. Dean chuckles, stroking his cheek lightly. “What’s that face for?”

“I didn’t expect you to be alone, Sir,” Cas answers.

Dean smiles. “One step at a time, Castiel. Stand up for me.” He rises from the floor smoothly, watching Dean’s expression. “Let’s get you set up first. I’m not going to restrain you today. But I do want your hands behind your back. You can choose whether you want to be cuffed or hold them yourself.”

“Cuffs please, Sir,” Cas says immediately.

Dean chuckles, having figured out his answer before he’d asked, grinning. “Someone’s been working on his manners. Good, Cas.” He takes the cuffs from their spot on the wall, gently fastening them around his wrists and clipping them together behind his back. He tugs against them absently, but relaxes somewhat, and Dean smiles. “Comfortable?”

“Yes Sir,” Cas answers.

“Good. Now, you and I are going to breathe for a minute.” He presses up against Cas’ back, wrapping his arms around him and feeling Cas relax into the hold. He waits patiently until Cas’ breathing evens out before kissing his neck lightly. “Let’s talk about what’s going to happen, okay? First things first, we’re going to use your color words today. But just in case, I’m going to give you this.”

He presses something hard into Cas’ hand, connected to a strap that fastens around his wrist. Cas frowns slightly, feeling around the object. “What is it?”

“It’s the buzzer I showed you the other day. If you get overwhelmed and you can’t tell me, you can press down on that and everything stops. It’s tied to your wrist so you won’t drop it.”

Cas smiles, leaning back into him a little. “Thank you. That helps.”

“Good,” Dean murmurs, hugging him a little tighter. “So, let me talk you through this. In a few minutes I’m going to blindfold you. Then, when you’re ready, I’m going to step outside for a minute, and when I come back we’ll get started. As per our discussion, I’m going to tell you before anything new happens, and I’m going to stay in contact with you just like this the whole time. We’re going to go slow, and you’re free to stop at any point. This is about you, so if there’s anything you don’t like all you have to do is say so and it stops. All of that sound okay?”

“Yes Sir,” Cas answers, taking a deep breath. “I think I can do this.”

Dean smiles, kissing the back of his neck softly. “I know you can. Is there anything you want to ask or talk about before we get started?”

Cas hesitates, biting his lip for a moment. “How many?” he asks finally.

“I’ve invited two for today, but we’re going to start with one and see how that goes.”

“And you’re sure I can’t know who it is?” he asks.

Dean chuckles, stroking through his hair lightly. “You know I would, but I really don’t think it’s a good idea right now. If you still want to know after we’re done, I’ll make sure they stick around for a bit. Just know that I trust them completely, or they wouldn’t be here.”

Cas nods. “Okay. I trust you.”

Dean smiles. “Good boy. Ready?”

“Yes Sir.” He closes his eyes as the black strip of fabric comes up, tying securely behind his head. He takes deep breaths for a few minutes, focusing on the heat of Dean’s skin behind him. “Okay,” he says finally. “I’m ready.”

“Alright,” Dean answers. “I’m going to walk out into the hall for a moment. If you start to freak out, or you change your mind, or you just want me to come back for any reason, just press the button. I’ll be able to hear it from there. I’ll only been gone two minutes. Just breathe.” Cas nods, shivering slightly when Dean releases his hold, his back suddenly cold. He listens to the sound of footsteps moving away, concentrating on his breaths until the steps return. “I’m back, Castiel,” Dean says before he gets close. “I’m going to get back behind you again. I’m going to touch you now, alright? It’s just me.”

Cas nods, and manages not to jump when Dean’s hands settle firmly on his hips. “It’s good to have you back, Sir…”

Dean chuckles, pressing against him. “Well you can’t be freaking out too much if you still have a sense of humor. How’re you doing?”

“Nervous,” Cas admits. “But I’m okay, Sir.”

“Good boy. Remember, you can stop any time.” With that he begins pressing soft kisses along Cas’ neck and shoulder, his fingers tracing lightly over his ribs. Cas can’t help but relax under the touch, almost an instinct by now, and the knot in his stomach relaxes a little. “Good. Alright, let’s give this a try. One step at a time.” His touch continues, and then suddenly there’s a third hand pressed to his chest, and he does flinch this time, Dean’s fingers stilling. “Cas?”

He takes a deep breath, swallowing hard. “I’m okay. Sorry, just…startled me a little.”

Dean nods, his hands starting to move again, rubbing soothingly along his sides. “Alright. You okay to continue?”

“Yes Sir,” he nods, letting himself sink back against Dean’s chest. The new hand starts to move, skimming lightly over his skin, and it’s strange, but not unpleasant. Dean kisses his neck as another hand joins in, a different person, judging from the smaller size. It grips his shoulder gently for a moment before starting on its own path, and it’s definitely weird, but surprisingly, Cas finds it sort of comforting too, all of the hands on him confident in their movements, overseen by someone who wouldn’t let him get hurt. It takes a minute before he realizes he’s lost track of which hands belong to which person, and they keep switching from right to left and sometimes using both hands, which makes it confusing. He can still feel Dean at his back, but he can’t tell which of the hands belongs to him anymore. It should scare him, but he supposes, technically speaking, all of the hands belong to Dean. He knows that it’s Dean giving silent instructions, Dean who chose these people, and it doesn’t really matter which hands are physically his, because they’re all his doing.

He must be lost in that thought for longer than he thinks, because Dean is murmuring in his ear again. “Cas? You went quiet on me. You okay?”

He nods quickly. “Yes Sir. Sorry. I was just thinking. I’m good.”

“Alright,” Dean chuckles. “Let’s see how you do with something a little more intense.” The hands on him still for a moment, and Cas is sure Dean is giving orders. The hands start to shift, and most of them resume their petting, but two move farther until there are fingers brushing over his nipples. Cas gasps softly, his head hitting Dean’s shoulder when they pinch lightly, whining a little. “Cas?”

“Green,” he breathes quickly.

“Good boy,” Dean murmurs, his smile obvious. “You’re doing so good for me. Let’s push a little farther.”

One of the hands moves down to play with the waistband of his shorts, and he can’t help but press into the touch a little. There’s a soft chuckle, and the hand pauses for a moment before slipping down to cup him through the fabric. It squeezes lightly, and Cas moans, blushing furiously. Something brushes his jaw before a soft kiss is pressed to his neck, just underneath his collar. Cas tilts his head further, and he can feel the lips smile before continuing their movement.

“I’m so proud of you,” Dean murmurs. “I think you’ve earned a reward. What do you think?”

Cas shivers. “Please Sir…”

“Of course, sweet boy. I happen to have that little vibrator you like. I was thinking I could put it in for you, and then hand the remote to one of these guys, see what they can do to you.” Cas whimpers, nodding quickly, and Dean laughs. “Alright then. Just me back here.”

He feels Dean pull down his waistband a little, a slick finger sliding between his cheeks before he starts to insert the toy. Cas knows exactly which one it is, a tiny but powerful thing, and Dean has a way of placing it just right so that it drives him crazy. It hums to life suddenly, and Cas gasps, then groans, his head falling forward to someone’s shoulder. “Green,” he chokes out before Dean can ask, a shaky moan escaping him as he hears the familiar laugh behind him. There’s a kiss at his temple as a hand runs soothingly through his hair, and he knows it can’t be Dean, but it’s still so nice, and he leans into the contact anyway. The vibrator speeds up just as the hand over his cock gives another squeeze, stroking him through the fabric, and he moans loudly.

He feels Dean at his back again, mouthing at his neck. “You’re so pretty like this,” he whispers. “Such a good boy for me. You must be close, with all these hands on you…”

Cas whimpers, managing a strained, shaky “Please…”

“Go on, baby. Show me how much you like it.”

The toy is turned up again, and Cas shouts as he loses control, his knees buckling. He never hits the ground, and there are hushed voices around him, but he can’t quite focus on the words. Instead he lets them move him to their liking, floating contentedly. When he comes back to himself a little, he realizes he still can’t see, though his wrists have been released. “It’s okay,” Dean says softly, as if he’s reading Cas’ mind. “I’ve got you. I’m going to take the blindfold off now. Keep your eyes closed for a minute.” Cas nods, feeling him tug at the knot before the fabric falls away. “Alright, open them slowly.” Cas cautiously opens his eyes, blinking in the dimmed lights, surprised that the room is empty. Dean smiles, unable to contain his excitement. “You did it, sweetheart. How do you feel?”

Cas smiles, leaning in to kiss him. “I love you,” he murmurs.

“I love you too,” Dean answers, resting their foreheads together. “And I’m so proud of you. You did so well.”

Cas blushes under the praise, turning his attention to the empty room again. “Where…?”

Dean chuckles. “Don’t worry, they’re out in the living room. I thought it’d be better to give you a minute first.”

“But…I can still know who they are?”

“If that’s what you want,” Dean assures him. “I asked them to stick around for a while. Let’s get you cleaned up and comfortable and then you can see them, alright?” Cas is suddenly aware of the uncomfortable mess he’s made in those stupid shorts, and he nods in agreement, holding on tight when Dean carefully lifts him to his feet. He cleans up the mess gently, helping him into soft sweatpants and a t-shirt. “So? How was it?”

Cas smiles. “I think I’m still processing,” he admits. “But it wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be. I’ll let you know once I figure it out.”

Dean nods, kissing him softly. “Fair enough. No matter how you feel, I love you so much, and I’m really proud of you for trying. Are you sure you want to know who it is?”

“I’ll drive myself crazy if I don’t find out,” Cas answers.

“Okay. Then let’s get you settled in bed, and we’ll have them join us.” Cas follows him back into the bedroom, curling up happily against him as Dean tucks the blankets around them. “Ready?”

Cas nods, and Dean reaches for his phone, sending a quick message. After a couple of seconds there’s a soft knock at the door, and Kevin pokes his head in, followed by Ezekiel. Cas’ eyes widen, and he glances at Dean, surprised. “Really?”

Dean shrugs. “I thought you’d feel better if it was people you like. I knew we could trust them.”

“And you don’t have to worry,” Kevin adds. “We’re not going to tell anyone.”

Cas smiles slightly. “This isn’t going to make things weird now, is it?”

Ezekiel chuckles. “I don’t see why it should. It’s not all that unusual for us. We’re happy that we could help.”

“Are you okay?” Dean asks quietly.

Slowly, Cas nods, smiling. “I’m okay.” He turns his attention back to the other two, biting his lip nervously for a minute. “Do you…want to sit for a little while?” he asks finally, motioning to the space beside him.

They exchange a look before Kevin grins. “We’d love to.” He slips onto the bed at Cas’ side, Ezekiel sitting down beside him. Cas grins as Kevin leans against him, slipping his arm around the boy’s shoulders. “You did really well.”

“I don’t know about that,” Cas mumbles. “It was iffy for a while there.”

“He’s right,” Ezekiel interjects. “Everyone is scared the first time. But a lot of people can’t relax enough to enjoy it at all. You did very well, especially considering how nervous you were. What were you thinking about?”

Cas shrugs. “I kind of lost track of all the hands after a while, but then I figured it kind of didn’t matter. I knew Dean was telling you what to do, and he wouldn’t let you do anything bad. It was easier after that.”

Dean grins, kissing his temple lightly, and Ezekiel smiles. “That’s very good. It takes some people much longer to understand that. You should be proud of yourself.”

“I’m proud of you,” Dean adds. “I love you.”

Cas smiles, snuggling into him further. “I love you too. Thank you for this.”

“Of course,” Dean murmurs. “Now, what do you think about spending a little while cuddling here and watching movies, and then ordering in for dinner?”

He nods happily. “I think that sounds perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there you go. Feel free to leave me a review here, and to find me over at thesongsmithtumbles.tumblr.com . We can talk about my stories, or any ideas/prompts you may have, or about life in general. I'm very nice, I promise! I'm also thinking about doing a series of oneshots based on character/ship + phobia prompts, so if you have anything you'd like to see from that, please let me know!
> 
> Love,  
> TheSongSmith


	20. Emergency

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY. This took forever, writer's block and life suck balls. But I hope you enjoy this one!

Cas is washing dishes, handing them to Dean to dry, when Dean’s phone goes off. Dean glances at the number, frowning slightly before he picks it up. When Cas glances over at him he’s frozen in place, a look of horror spreading across his face. “Dean?” he says softly. “Hey, what’s wrong?” He doesn’t answer, doesn’t even blink, so Cas gently pries the phone out of his hand, surprised to hear a panicky Gabriel on the other line. “Gabriel? Woah, slow down. What’s wrong?”

“It’s Sam,” he says quickly. “We were driving home, and there was this truck…it came out of nowhere, and it hit us, and he’s…I don’t know…”

“Okay,” Cas says calmly. “Take a deep breath. Where are you right now?”

There’s something like a choked sob on the other end. “The hospital. I’m in the waiting room.”

“Alright. We’ll be right there, okay? Don’t move.” He hangs up, looking to Dean, who still hasn’t moved. “Dean?” he says gently. “Hey. Can you look at me?” He reaches out, lightly touching his cheek, and finally he seems to focus. “There you go. I know you’re scared, but it’s going to be okay. We’re going to go meet Gabriel at the hospital and find out what’s going on, alright?”

Slowly, Dean nods. “W-What if he’s…”

“He’s not,” Cas says firmly. “I need you to hold onto that, okay? We’re going to take this one step at a time. Let’s go put shoes on.” Dean nods, following him blindly into the car. He hands Cas his keys silently, and Cas nods, squeezing his hand tightly.

He drives as quickly as he can, and Dean is nearly out of the car before it stops moving. When they give Sam’s name at the desk the woman motions them through a door. “He’s in surgery now,” she explains, leading them down a long hallway.

“Is he…going to be okay?” Dean asks quietly.

The nurse smiles kindly. “We don’t know yet. The car hit about where Sam was sitting, so his injuries are pretty extensive. But we got him in pretty fast, and he’s young and healthy otherwise. I’ve seen people come back from worse. Don’t lose hope just yet.”

She takes them to a smaller room where Gabriel is pacing, and the panicked expression on his face seems to alarm even Dean. He moves quickly when he sees them, grabbing onto Cas tightly. “Did they say anything?”

Ca shakes his head, gently taking him by the shoulders to examine the trail of blood still drying down his face. “Gabriel, did you see a doctor?”

“No. I can’t,” he insists. “I have to be here. I have to know if he’s okay.”

“We tried,” the nurse explains. “He refused.”

Cas nods. “Would it be possible to get someone to see him here?”

She hesitates, but nods. “I think we can make an exception. I’ll see what I can do.”

She closes the door behind her, and Cas turns back to find Gabriel on the verge of hyperventilating. “Hey, Gabe, listen to me, alright? They’re doing everything they can for Sam now. This wasn’t your fault, and making yourself sick over it isn’t going to help him. I need you to take deep breaths. They’re going to have someone come check you over in here, so you don’t have to go anywhere, and if we get any news you’ll know right away. Just try to stay calm for me, okay? We’re going to get through this.”

He nods, shakily sinking down into a chair. Cas takes out his phone, sending a quick message before going over to Dean, who’s taken up pacing. “Dean? Why don’t you sit down with me while we wait?”

“I can’t,” he mumbles. “I have to move. God, I can’t…what if something happens to him?”

“It’s going to be okay,” Cas assures him gently. “We’re all going to get through this together. Take a couple of deep breaths.” Dean nods, trying to obey, and his pacing slows slightly. “There you go. Now, why don’t you try to come sit down? I know you’re nervous, but it might be a while until we know anything, and exhausting yourself won’t make you feel any better.”

Dean considers it for a moment, then nods, grabbing onto his hand tightly and allowing himself to be lead to a chair. “Don’t let go,” he murmurs shakily.

Cas nods, squeezing his hand. “Of course not. I promise.” There’s a soft knock at the door before a woman enters with a small cart. In her nursing scrubs, it takes a moment before Cas recognizes her. “Meg?”

“Well you don’t have to act so surprised,” she says, flashing him a smile. “We all have to pay the bills somehow.”

He shakes his head. “No, it’s…I’m glad you’re here. Just...wasn’t expecting to see you, that’s all.”

“No one ever is,” she answers. “I saw the last name and thought it might be a relative. What’s going on?”

Gabriel looks between the two of them for a moment. “Do you…know each other?”

“Yes,” Cas answers quickly. “Meg, this is my brother Gabriel. He and Dean’s brother were in a car accident. Sam is still in surgery, and we were hoping you could make sure Gabriel is okay.”

She nods, glancing at Dean worriedly. “You might want to call…”

“Already done.”

She smiles, nodding. “Well don’t you catch on fast. Alright, let’s see about this one.”

Gabriel is cooperative enough, but he keeps glancing between Meg and Cas. “How do you know her?” he asks finally. “Is it one of your kinky things?”

Cas laughs. “If I say yes, will that make you happy?” He considers it, then nods. “Okay. Then yes.”

“That’s why I’m so good at this,” Meg adds, patching up the wound on the side of his head. “I get a lot of practice.”

Gabriel snorts, and Cas rolls his eyes. “You know, if this were any other time I’m smack you for asking that. But honestly, I’m just glad that’s a semi-normal thing for you to say.” He glances at Meg. “So? What’s the verdict?”

“Well I wouldn’t call him normal, but there’s no sign of any head injury,” she answers, grinning. “Just be careful with that cut. Head wounds bleed a lot, so you should notice if it opens again, but I patched it pretty tight, so you should be fine. If anything else starts to hurt once the adrenaline wears off, you need to tell someone. But as far as I can tell, you got lucky.”

Gabriel smiles slightly, nodding. “Thank you. And if you hear anything…”

“I’ll be sure to let you know,” she assures him. “Take it easy, alright? You’re still going to be sore for a while, so it’ll help if you don’t push yourself.” She gathers her supplies, nodding to Cas and casting one more worried look at Dean before disappearing.

Cas looks at him, watching his knee bounce up and down anxiously. He leans over, kissing him softly and feeling him relax slightly. “How’re you holding up?”

Dean gives a small smile. “Better with you here.” He glances up as the door opens again, eyes widening when Benny steps through the door. “Benny? What are you doing here?”

“I called him,” Cas admits. “I thought he might be better able to help you through this.” Dean’s expression shifts through several emotions before landing on guilt, and Cas frowns. “Dean, honey, no…I’m not upset. If I was I wouldn’t have called him. I know how painful this is for you, and I want to help as much as I can. Benny’s known you a lot longer, and he’s helped you through things before. It’s okay.”

Dean hesitates, glancing between the two of them. “Are you…sure you’re not mad?” he asks finally.

“Not at all,” Cas assures him, kissing him softly. “I just want what’s best for you. And right now, that’s him. I’m not going anywhere, and I love you. It’s okay if you need his help too. We can work together.”

All at once, Dean lets out a breath, hugging him tightly. “I love you. You’re the best.”

“He’s kind of right,” Benny cuts in. “I appreciate you calling me.”

Cas nods. “Of course. Just take good care of him and we won’t have a problem.”

Benny smiles. “I intend to.” He crouches down in front of Dean’s chair, watching him intently. “So, how are you doing?”

Dean hesitates for a moment, looking down at his lap. “Funkytown,” he whispers finally.

Benny nods. “Alright. Then why don’t you come with me over to that side of the room, and we’ll see what we can do about that?”

He nods, glancing back at Cas hesitantly, but follows Benny to a set of chairs on the other side. Turning back to Gabriel, Cas pats his shoulder lightly. “Is there an attractive man I should call for you too?” he teases lightly. Rather than take the bait, Gabriel just gives him a sad smile, which only worries him more. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so serious before.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way before,” he admits quietly.

Cas’ eyes widen slightly. “You love him…” he says softly.

Gabe nods. “More than anything. He’s…I can’t even explain it. It’s like…I was living in black and white, and I didn’t even know it, and now everything is in color, and I can’t believe what I was missing, and I can’t go back to that, Cas, I just…” He pauses, slowly glancing up with the most serious look Cas has ever seen on his face. “I was going to ask him to marry me…”

Cas smiles, squeezing his shoulder gently. “You _are_ going to ask him to marry you. Sam can be just as stubborn as Dean, and I know he’d never give you up without a fight. You make him happy too. And you need to hold onto that, okay? I believe in him.”

Finally, Gabriel cracks a small smile. “I believe in him too. Thank you for being so great. You always were the level-headed one.”

“I’m just glad I could help,” Cas answers. “Now, let’s try to take your mind off things for a little while.”

 

* * *

 

 

While Gabriel is engrossed in a cooking show, Cas moves quietly over to the corner where Benny has coaxed Dean into a fitful sleep. “How’s he doing?” he asks softly.

“About as well as we can expect,” Benny answers, glancing over at him. “I really do appreciate you calling me. I don’t think there’s many people who would do that.”

Cas smiles sheepishly. “Honestly, I had no idea what to do. I’ve never seen him that scared, not even when I was bleeding everywhere. He just…froze.”

“I’m not surprised. Sam is…kind of a tender subject for him. I haven’t seen him this bad since he found out the kid was going away to school.”

Cas frowns slightly. “Why would that upset him so much?”

Benny hesitates for a moment. “I’m sure you know that Sam is very important to Dean. From what I’ve gathered, Sam was often Dean’s responsibility when they were children. Dean raised him when their father wasn’t capable of caring for either of them. Because of that, Sam is not only his brother, but also his best friend, and almost like his child. Their father constantly reminded him of his responsibility, and it became a big part of his identity. When Sam decided to leave, I think Dean felt like he was being abandoned. Like he did something wrong, and Sam didn’t want him around. Now, I think he’s beating himself up for not being able to protect him.”

“But…that doesn’t make any sense,” Cas murmurs. “Sam loves him. And nothing could have protected him from this. It was just…chance.”

“I think Dean knows that, on some level,” Benny nods. “But there are voices in his head that tell him this happened because he failed. He’s managed it well for a long time, but it doesn’t surprise me that it’s starting to come back now.” He smiles a little at Cas’ worried expression. “He’s doing better than I expected. I know it’s hard to see him so off, but he will be okay. You help more than you know.”

Cas hesitates, glancing back to where Gabriel sits and lowering his voice. “Hypothetically…what do you think might happen if things…didn’t work out?”

Benny gives him a grim look. “I think we’d better hope it doesn’t come to that.”

He nods, sighing softly. “Hey Benny? What was that word he used before?”

“Funkytown?” Benny asks, chuckling. “It’s something we used a long time ago. When I first started working with him, we used a series of words, similar to safewords, to help Dean sort through his feelings before he was ready to really talk about them. ‘funkytown’ is a very specific one, sort of a sense of impending doom. He once described it to me as ‘standing on the edge of a cliff, not knowing when you’re going to be pushed over. It means he’s losing it, fast.”

Cas nods. “I’m pretty familiar with that feeling.”

Benny smiles. “The good news is, between the two of us we managed to back him down from the ledge before he worked himself into a panic. You kept him grounded this whole time. That’s a pretty big accomplishment.”

“I just wanted to help,” he says sheepishly.

“Well you did that. And I really think he’s going to be okay. We can get him through this.”

Cas smiles, hugging Benny tightly. “Thank you, for everything. I’m so glad you’re here. I don’t think I could do this on my own.”

Benny chuckles, ruffling his hair lightly. “Well, you don’t have to. I’m here for both of you, _cher_. Family takes care of each other. Thanks for looking out for him.”

Dean starts to stir, blinking groggily. “Wha’s happening?” he asks, rubbing his eyes.

“Nothing yet,” Cas assures him, brushing his hair back gently. “I’m glad you got some sleep though. Gabriel is watching some sort of baking show. I think they’re making pies, if you’d like to join him.”

They settle in front of the TV until Meg returns, Dean and Gabriel straightening up immediately. “He’s alive,” she says quickly.

They share matching sighs, and Dean leans into Cas’ side a little. “How is he? Do they think he’ll be okay?”

“They just brought him out of surgery,” she explains. “They’re getting him settled in the ICU. His injuries are pretty extensive, and they’re keeping him knocked out and on a ventilator for at least tonight. But he has been surprisingly stable so far, and if he stays that way they might try to wean him off the drugs tomorrow or the next day.”

Dean nods, taking a deep breath. “Alright. Lay it on me. Do you think he’s going to be okay?”

Meg considers it for a moment. “Well, we’re at a very precarious point right now. He does have a head injury, but we won’t know what the effects of that will be until he wakes up. And it’ll take a long time for everything to heal. But so far, his vitals and organ functions look good, even with the damage. I can’t make you any promises, but I do think he has a pretty good chance. For now, we’re going to watch him closely and see how it goes.”

“Can we see him?” Gabriel asks.

“Technically, it’s family only,” she answers. “But I won’t tell if you don’t. But prepare yourselves. He doesn’t look great, and he’s hooked up to a lot of machinery. It’s pretty intense right now. But it’s giving him the best chance. If you want to, you can see him once they’re done cleaning him up.”

Dean nods, squeezing Cas’ hand lightly. “Thank you. I’d like to see him, when we can.”

Meg smiles, nodding. “Sure. It should only be a few minutes. I’ll come get you when they’re ready.” She leaves, and Dean takes a shaky breath.

“Feel a little better?” Cas asks softly.

Dean nods. “Yeah, a little bit. I’ll feel a lot better when he wakes up, but at least we know he’s hanging in there.”

“I knew he would,” Cas smiles. “He’s a fighter. Just like his big brother.”

Dean smiles slightly, hugging him. “I love you. Thank you.”

“Hey Dean?” Gabriel says quietly. “I suppose this is as good a time as any. Would you murder me if I asked your brother to marry me?”

Dean stares at him for a long moment, then starts to laugh. “You have some timing, you know that?” he gets out through his giggles.

Gabriel chuckles, nodding. “It’s one of my better qualities, actually…”

Dean wipes at his face, taking a deep breath. “I think I could probably resist the urge to kill you, if that’s what Sammy wants. But my threat still stands. If you hurt him, I’ll hurt you.”

“Understood,” Gabriel answers, smiling. “I promise, that’s not part of the plan.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever known you to have a plan,” Cas teases, nudging him lightly.

Gabe grins. “Well, Sam has taught me a lot of things you don’t know about,” he winks.

Dean makes a sound of protest, and Benny laughs, throwing an arm around his shoulders. “Looks like Sam’s gonna get some payback for the tales you’ve subjected him to.”

Dean smiles, leaning into him. “Thank you for being here, Benny. You can go if you want. I’m okay. And I’m sure your wife is wondering where you are.”

Benny rolls his eyes. “Hush, boy. I’m not going anywhere.”

The door opens again, and Meg gives them a small smile. “You can follow me if you’re ready.”

Dean takes a deep breath before nodding, and Cas reaches out for his hand, squeezing it lightly. “Okay. Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember to leave a comment if you liked it! I promise I'll have the next chapter up asap!
> 
> Love,  
> TheSongSmith


	21. Awakening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo next chapter!!!

When Cas wakes, it’s still dark, but the space beside him on the narrow cot is empty. Blinking groggily, he spots Dean’s silhouette in the dimmed lights, sitting beside Sam’s bed. Quietly, he gets up, pulling a chair up beside him. “Hey honey,” he murmurs, slipping his hand into Dean’s lightly. “You alright?”

Dean nods, giving him a small smile. “Yeah. Just couldn’t sleep. Thinking too much. I didn’t want to disturb you.”

Cas smiles, kissing his cheek. “I don’t mind. What are you thinking about?”

“There’s just…so much that could go wrong, you know? What if he just…doesn’t wake up? Or what if he does, and he doesn’t remember who I am? Or what if he remembers, but he can’t talk ever again?”

Cas sighs, rubbing his back lightly. “Well that’s a lot to think about. I know it’s scary to not know what’s going to happen. But the doctors all said he seems to be doing better than they expected. And whatever damage has been done, I’m sure we’ll find a way to help him. He’s got a whole team of people behind him to help us figure this out.”

“I know,” Dean murmurs. “I just don’t like it. He’s my little brother. I should be able to take care of him.”

Cas nods. “Well, you’ve done an excellent job of caring for him your whole lives. But sometimes we can’t fix everything alone. That doesn’t mean you’re a bad big brother.”

Dean lets out a sigh, his shoulders relaxing slightly. “Yeah, you’re right. I guess I just needed to hear it from someone else. Thanks for being so great about all this.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” Cas assures him. “I know you’d do the same for me. I’m happy to help. I know you’re anxious, but you should try to get a little more sleep if you can. You might not get much tomorrow.”

“I’ll try,” Dean agrees. “I think I’d just like to sit with him a little while longer.”

Cas smiles, kissing his cheek. “Okay. Would you like me to stay with you?”

“If you don’t mind…”

He shakes his head, shifting closer and wrapping an arm around Dean’s shoulders. “Of course. Take all the time you need.”

It isn’t long before Dean is fast asleep against Cas’ chest, snoring softly. Rather than try to move them to the bed, Cas gently shifts him into the most comfortable position possible, stroking his hair lightly.

When he stirs awake, the room is brighter, and Dean blinks slowly, sitting up. “Morning,” he mumbles, rubbing his eyes. “I miss anything?”

“Not yet,” Cas answers, kissing him softly. “Gabriel is still asleep. I think those painkillers they gave him knocked him out.”

There’s a soft knock on the door before Benny enters, carrying paper bags and a tray of cups. “Morning boys. I come bearing coffee.”

Dean smiles, gratefully accepting the cup he offers. “Thanks.”

Gabriel starts to stir, yawning. “S’there food?” he mumbles.

Cas laughs. “That’s what woke you up?”

“Help yourself,” Benny chuckles. “I stopped at a bakery on the way over.”

“Well that definitely didn’t come from the cafeteria,” Meg says from the door.

Benny grins. “You know me. Have to take care of my boys. Any news for us?”

She smiles. “Actually, yes. Sam’s vitals have been really strong so far, so they’re going to start trying to wean him off the drugs. We have to go slowly, and it’ll be a few hours before we’ll see any big changes, but if all goes well he should be starting to wake up by this afternoon.”

Dean nods, letting out a sigh. “Okay. That’s good. So if everything goes okay, and he wakes up…what happens?”

“Well, he’ll be evaluated for any neurological damage, and they’ll decide on a plan from there. The extent of his injuries means that he’ll probably be here a little while longer, and he’ll need some physical therapy to get his strength back up as he heals. I can’t say anything for certain, but things look promising so far. We’ll have to wait and see how he responds, but we should have more answers soon.”

Gabriel nods, taking Sam’s hand gently. “That’s a relief…it’ll be better than not knowing, at least.”

“Agreed,” Dean says. “We’ll just have to occupy ourselves for another few hours.”

Cas nods, rubbing his back gently. “I’m sure we’ll manage.”

“How do you feel, Gabriel?” Meg asks, checking the machines surrounding the bed.

“Not too bad. Those pills you gave me are awesome.”

She chuckles, nodding. “I’m glad. I’ll be back to check up on things in a little while.”

  

* * *

 

 

After lunch, Meg returns a final time, adjusting the machines again. “Alright boys, we should start to see something in a few minutes. He’s going to be a little disoriented at first, and the important thing is to stay calm. We don’t want him to panic and hurt himself worse. He’s breathing pretty well on his own, so once he starts to wake up we can remove his breathing tube.”

Gabriel nods, taking a deep breath. “You should probably be closest,” he says to Dean. “If he’s going to remember anyone, it’ll be you.”

Dean nods, taking a seat beside the bed and gently taking Sam’s hand. Cas squeezes his shoulder lightly, waiting anxiously. The room is quiet for a few minutes, and then Dean lets out a soft gasp as the hand in his gives a light squeeze. “Is that…?”

Meg smiles, nodding. “Looks like it.” She calls another nurse from outside, and together they carefully remove the tube.

A small sound escapes Sam, and Dean rubs his shoulder gently. “Sammy…? It’s okay. I’m here.”

It takes a few minutes, but slowly, Sam’s eyes crack open, and he blinks blearily. “D’n…?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m here,” Dean murmurs shakily, blinking back tears. “You’re okay. I’m here.”

Sam coughs weakly, groaning. “Hurts…”

Dean nods, stroking his hair back gently. “Okay, hold on, we’ll take care of it.” He glances to Meg, who nods, injecting something into his IV, then handing Dean a cup. “Here, have some ice. You’ll feel better in a minute.”

Sam nods, accepting some ice chips wincing as he swallows. “W’s going on…?” he rasps.

“You’re in the hospital,” Dean explains gently. “You were in a car accident, but you’re gonna be just fine. I’m so glad you’re okay…”

He blinks in confusion for a moment, then seems to remember something. “Gabe. What happened to Gabe? Where is he?” he asks, panic leaking into his voice.

There’s a soft sob from the back of the room, and Gabriel steps closer, taking Sam’s other hand. “I’m here. I’m okay. Thank God…”

Sam motions him closer, gently touching the white bandage on his temple, and Gabriel dissolves into tears, resting his head against Sam’s chest and blubbering something unintelligible into his collarbone. Sam shushes him softly, gently stroking his hair. “I love you…you can’t get rid of me that easy…”

Gabriel laughs, sitting up and wiping his face. “Good. I love you so much…”

Cas hugs Dean lightly, kissing his head. Meg smiles, stepping closer. “Welcome back, Sam. My name is Meg. I’m a friend of Dean’s, and also a nurse here. I know you’re probably a little overwhelmed right now, so I’m going to leave you with your family for a few minutes, and we’ll get you cleaned up in a bit. Try not to move too much. Only ice chips until we can get you sorted. We’ll figure everything else out later.”

Sam nods absently, still looking around the room in confusion. His eyes widen slightly when they land on the unshed tears in Dean’s eyes, and he holds his free hand out to him. “Dean…?” Dean smiles slightly, standing up to hug him gingerly, pressing his face into Sam’s shoulder. “You were really scared…?” Sam murmurs, holding onto his shirt weakly.

Dean nods, sniffing softly. “I love you, you big idiot,” he mumbles. “Don’t ever scare me like that again…”

Sam smiles. “I’ll try…jerk.”

“Bitch,” Dean mutters, but he’s smiling as he pulls back. “God, it’s good to have you back.”

Sam bites his lip for a moment, wincing as his teeth snag on the scabbed-over split there. “How bad…?” he asks, glancing at Gabriel.

“Well…I suppose it depends what you mean by ‘bad’,” Gabe answers.

Sam blinks for a moment, feeling the effects of the drugs. “Do I…have a peg leg?” he asks groggily.

Gabriel laughs. “No, you don’t. Kind of a shame, too, you’d make a hot pirate.” Sam grins at him. “Really though, all your parts are there. You have some broken bones, and you hit your head pretty hard, so we’ll have to check that out. But it could have been a lot worse.”

Sam nods, motioning him closer. “I’m really glad you’re okay,” he murmurs.

“To be honest, I was sort of worried you wouldn’t remember who I am,” Gabriel admits. “I’m glad you’re going to be alright.” He grins, leaning down to kiss Sam softly, and Dean makes a sound of protest.

“Get a room you two.”

Gabriel laughs. “We did. His name’s on the door, isn’t it?”

Sam chuckles, blushing slightly as he looks around the room, frowning slightly in confusion when his eyes land on Benny. “Who…”

“Oh, sorry,” Dean says. “Forgot you’ve never officially met. Sam, this is my friend Benny. I’ve told you about him. Cas called him in when I was kinda freaking out.”

Benny nods, smiling. “Please to meet you, Sam. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Slowly, Sam grins. “I’ve heard about you too…thanks for coming.”

He thinks for a moment, then motions Gabriel closer, whispering something in his ear that makes Gabriel’s eyes go wide. “Really?” he asks, glancing at Benny. Sam nods, blushing slightly. “Okay. Yeah. You got it.”

Dean frowns. “What are you two whispering about?”

“Nothing!” Sam says quickly. “Don’t worry about it. You don’t need to know.”

Cas chuckles, stroking Dean’s hair back gently as the man growls. “Gabriel, I know I gave my blessing, but the threat still stands. You hurt my brother and you’re dead.”

Gabriel laughs, nodding. “Don’t worry, Dean-o. He’s in good hands with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah. You know I can't resist the fluff, especially with Sam and Gabriel THEY'RE SO CUTE. If you liked it remember to leave me a little review! They make me happy :D Also, I'll be posting a new (long) fic over the course of the month (while I write like crazy for NaNoWriMo) so remember to check that out!
> 
> Love,  
> TheSongSmith


	22. Proposition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I'm actual the literal worst...I know it's been so long and I'm very sorry. I'm blaming my flash drive containing all my writing for dying on me, and also KaitlynSpeight for being a very distracting girlfriend >:) but I suppose you can also thank her since I wrote this chapter in her bed. This one is on the shorter side, but a longer one is coming. Just wanted to remind you all that I exist :P
> 
> Enjoy!

"Happy to be home, Sammy?" Dean asks, sitting beside him on the couch.

"Extremely," Sam chuckles, wrapping an arm around Gabriel's shoulders and hugging him close. "I think I'd go insane if I had to stay there any longer."

"At least I didn't make you eat gross hospital food," Gabe points out, kissing his cheek. "I even offered to put on my nurse outfit..."

Cas snorts, squeezing Dean's hand. "That would've been a sight..."

Sam laughs, ruffling his hair. "Yeah, I might still say yes to that one...really though, thank you guys... I think I would've gone crazy without you. I know I still have some healing to do, but..." he smiles shyly, squeezing Gabriel's hand. "You definitely make it more bearable."

Gabe smiles, kissing his head fondly. "We're all just happy you're okay," he murmurs. "I'm pretty sure that's the most scared I've ever been...It really got me thinking."

Sam raises an eyebrow at him curiously. "Yeah? Thinking about what?"

Gabe blushes, looking over Sam's shoulder to Dean, who smiles and nods to him. "Well, I...my brother can tell you that I've never really been a sap. I just kind of thought long-term relationships weren't my thing, but...now I think that maybe the people I was with weren't my thing..."

"Okay..." Sam murmurs, looking between them all curiously.

Gabe bites his lip, playing with the hem of his shirt nervously. "Sammy...you...Make me different. And I-I like the person I am with you...I never thought that I'd want this, and I'm sure Cas would say he never thought this day would come, but I...seeing you in the hospital like that; not knowing if I'd ever get to see you smile again...I realized that I never, ever want to be without you, not for a single minute..."

Sam's eyes widen as Gabriel speaks, and he squeezes his hand lightly. "Gabe..."

Gabriel smiles, tearing up slightly as he reaches into the pocket of his jacket, holding up a black velvet box. "You're the biggest dork I've ever met, and I love you, Sam. So I was sort of hoping you'd do me the immense honor of marrying me..."

Sam grins widely, gripping his collar and pulling him in for a kiss. "Jesus, yes, I love you so much..." he murmurs against Gabe's lips. The smaller man laughs, wrapping his arms around Sam's neck.

"Thank God, I really thought you might say no..."

Dean laughs, hugging Cas closer. "Oh my God, they're adorable..."

Cas chuckles, nodding as they watch the couple happily. "They are...I think they might have forgotten we're here..."

Dean snorts, patting Sam's shoulder lightly and smirking as they reluctantly pull out of their kiss. "Congratulations guys... I'm so happy for you."

Sam blushes, hugging him tightly. "Thanks...does this mean you won't beat him up?" He chuckled.

Dean grins, ruffling his hair. "I told you I wouldn't beat him up as long as he treats you right."

Gabe laughs, kissing Sam's cheek lightly. "You don't have to worry about that...I know how lucky I am."

Cas smiles, leaning into Dean's side. "I'm happy for you, Gabriel...though I think you'd rather we leave now and give you some privacy..."

Gabe hums, pulling Sam into another kiss. "Yeah, that would be good..."

"Be safe you two! Use protection!" Dean teases, laughing as Cas pulls him out the door. "What? They're adorable!"

Cas snorts, swatting him lightly. "You're terrible..."

Dean chuckles. "Oh come on, I'm a big brother, I have to tease him. It's basically my job."

Cas rolls his eyes. "Well I think it's sweet. They certainly make each other happy. I didn't think Gabriel was capable of being so sincere. I thought it might kill him."

Dean snorts, pulling him into a soft kiss before getting into the car. "Yeah, I suppose they do make a good pair...Even though Sammy is like twice Gabe's size."

Cas smiles, taking his hand across the car. "I love you, you know," he murmurs, kissing his knuckles.

Dean smiles, squeezing his hand lightly. "I love you too..."

"So, now that Sam's out of the woods and home again, what's the plan?" Cas asks curiously.

Dean smirks. "Think I'm gonna get back to thoroughly debauching you," he answers. "It's been too long since I've laid you out for my depraved fantasies."

Cas laughs, shaking his head. "Don't suppose I can argue with that...it has been a while. Have to make sure I don't forget all my training."

Dean grins. "I know you haven't. You're such a good boy. Still, we'll have to get back to that. Benny told me he's planning another party, probably for next month."

Cas blushs. "Oh...?"

"Yeah...you don't have to participate, though. We can just go hang out and watch if you want."

Cas smiles, shaking his head. "No, I'm okay...I mean, I'm sure I'll be nervous, but I trust you, and I know you'll take care of me."

Dean smiles, squeezing his hand as they park. "I'm glad you think so...I promise, it'll be fun. And you can always change your mind. Speaking of Benny, we've been invited out on Saturday. I think the whole group is getting together at the club."

"That sounds like fun..." Cas hums, slipping his shoes off at the door and pulling Dean onto the couch. "Actually, I've been thinking about that..."

Dean raises an eyebrow at him, kissing his head. "Oh? And what have you been thinking?"

Cas blushes, cuddling closer. "Well...the club lets people perform, right? I thought maybe, if you wanted, we could try it, like...practice? Because that's in front of people, but it's still just you, and Benny and the others would be there..."

Dean grins, nodding. "I'd love to show you off, if you want to try it, but you know you don't have to."

Cas nods, shrugging slightly. "I know...but we've tried with a few people a couple of times now, and I haven't freaked out. But there's going to be a much bigger crowd at the party, and I want to try, but..."

"But you don't want to freak out," Dean finishes, nodding. "I understand. Why don't we work up to it? We can have the whole group over one night, and then if you enjoy that, we can perform at the club on Saturday. That way if the audience thing freaks you out, it'll just be in front of our friends, and not in front of a whole crowd."

Cas smiles, kissing his cheek. "You're so good to me...that sounds like a good plan. And...if we do decide to perform, and I do panic and change my mind..."

Dean chuckles. "You can call it off, and we'll make sure Benny has a private room set up for us to go to. Remember, we're only doing this as long as you enjoy it."

Cas nods, kissing him happily. "Okay. Thank you. Come on, it's getting late. We should get to bed."

Dean pouts, reaching out to smack his ass playfully when he got up. "You're no fun..."

Cas laughs, kissing his nose. "I know, I'm the boring one. If you hurry up I'll let you in the shower with me. And you can have your way with me tomorrow."

Dean brightens, nodding and hopping up from the couch. "I'm holding you to that..."

"I'm sure you will," Cas chuckles, swatting at him as they head to the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo yeah I thought we all needed fluffs. Sorry for the wait on this guys, I'm doing my best and I promise I'm writing whennnn I'm not busy smooching my girlfriend :D
> 
> You can always come find me at thesongsmithtumbles.tumblr.com, I promise I'm really nice!
> 
> Love,  
> TheSongSmith


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